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Rudy Park

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181. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-08 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-08 Pub. Date: 2017-01-08
Image Number: 152225
Caption: He'll have a crumb of wheat toast. No I won't! I'll have a sausage biscuit with cheese. And we'll have a plain glass of water. No I won't! I'll have a mocha with whipped cream. And for dessert … I'll have a hot buttered blueberry scone with pumpkin-spice frosting and peppermint sprinkles! That looks lovely! He'll have plain yogurt. If you don't eat right, you won't be around for me to berate. Give me a double donut burger! A triple would be more humane. House of Java.
     
182. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-03 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-03 Pub. Date: 2017-01-03
Image Number: 152862
Caption: Sadiekins? I feel you've unfairly judged me. How so, snookums? I've spent my entire life going against the grain, challenging the status quo. Being a rabble-rouser. Het this morning you said I don't have a spontaneous bone in my body. Well I've written a response to that and you're going to listen. Read the funny pages on the potty! Oh, wait. This is yesterday's itinerary.
     
183. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-02 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-02 Pub. Date: 2017-01-02
Image Number: 152861
Caption: Rudy, would you mind ordering your uncle his usual oatmeal? Why can't you just order it? Because I don't want to be stereotyped as the old guy who always orders oatmeal. In my day, I ate a wide variety of foods. Every day it was something new and adventurous. It's not fair that I be judged only on what I eat in my golden years. You order the oatmeal, I'll order the Cream of Wheat, and we'll switch when no one's looking. Too adventurous for me.
     
184. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-31 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-31 Pub. Date: 2016-12-31
Image Number: 152647
Caption: I'm watching "Untold History of the United States" on Netflix. Is it true it was actually the Soviet Union that won World War II? … and is it true Japan was trying to surrender because the USSR had just entered the war against them, but we nuked them anyway just to show Russia who was boss? And is it true Truman single-handedly started the cold war and the arms race by reneging on deals Roosevelt and Churchill had struck with Stalin and then threatening to nuke the USSR? History's interesting now that I can stream it. I don't know what that means, but it sounds inappropriate.
     
185. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-30 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-30 Pub. Date: 2016-12-30
Image Number: 152646
Caption: I'm so sick of 2017, Randy. What? It's still 2016. I know. But everyone's saying how horrible 2016 is and how they can't wait for it to be over. I don't want to be part of the herd, I want to be a trendsetter. There are better ways to be a trendsetter, little buddy. #hashtag-2017-stinks.
     
186. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-28 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-28 Pub. Date: 2016-12-28
Image Number: 152644
Caption: Armstrong's out of control. It's like his greed has gone into overdrive. What do you mean? Every day, he comes up with a new way to bilk the customers and me out of our hard-earned money … like usual. But the odd thing is, now he's doing it every five minutes. I don't think he's slept, eaten of bathed in at least three days. I've bathed, but if you want me to wear deodorant it's an extra $5. Holy McConaughey.
     
187. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-26 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-26 Pub. Date: 2016-12-26
Image Number: 152642
Caption: Boss … there was a $25,000 "Christmas bonus" in my check this year. I just want to thank you. I was totally wrong about you, you're a great man. Don't mention it. You've been my trusted right-hand stooge for almost 16 years now. This is my little way of saying ... you are ordered to spend every last cent of it downloading poetry and widget diagrams from Poetry-and-Widgets.com. This wouldn't be some sort of money laundering scheme, would it? Don't be absurd. Money can never be dirty.
     
188. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-17 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-17 Pub. Date: 2016-12-17
Image Number: 152127
Caption: Are you ever worried people will see all the stuff you put online? Not at all … because I don't put anything online. I'm not on Facebook, I'm not on Twitter, and I conduct all my business in person so they can be charmed by the twinkle in my mustache. You are looking at a man who's totally off the grid, little buddy. It's like talking to a Neanderthal. I also shave with a razor-sharp sliver of granite my grandfather bequeathed unto me.
     
189. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-15 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-15 Pub. Date: 2016-12-15
Image Number: 152125
Caption: Boss, the health inspector is here. Excellent. My hacker just finished restoring all the inspector's social media posts dating back to 1994. Tell him "It'd be a shame if someone's career were ruined by a 20-year-old video of him doing the Macarena in the buff." Don't wink too much. But not too little, either. Very bad man.
     
190. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-12 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-12 Pub. Date: 2016-12-12
Image Number: 152122
Caption: I'm proud of you, Mort. It's been a month and you haven't once freaked out a bout Donald Trump winning the election. That's because I made a pilgrimage to a fog-shrouded castle atop a mountain in Foreignvania. There, a renegade mystic performed an incantation that reboots my memory to November 7, 2016 every time someone mentions Trump. I'm not sure that's a good long-term coping mechanism. Rebooting! ... Hey ... don't forget to vote tomorrow, Randy.
     
191. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-11 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-11 Pub. Date: 2016-12-11
Image Number: 151421
Caption: Oh, Liam. I thought you were dead. I thought I would never see you again! Is that why you married … my brother? … Oh, Caroline … it's doesn't matter. When the mafia held me captive in a seaside cave all these years, the only thing that kept me alive was the thought of you. Caroline ... who is that mysterious stranger lurking outside your bedroom window? Is it yet another lover? No, it's me. Frank. The executive producer. You can cut all this out, we've been canceled. The market can't support more than three soap operas anymore. Everyone's busy watching Youtube. But Frank, I've got three more kids to put through college! And another thirty payments on my car! What am I supposed to do, you heartless @#$%?! Wait ... who's that lurking over there outside that other window? I don't know. It's me. Jeff, CEO of the network. We've been sold to Sputum Cable. They're canceling all executive producer contracts.
     
192. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-10 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-10 Pub. Date: 2016-12-10
Image Number: 151824
Caption: I just edited your Wikipedia entry. And I don't give a wiki. Tap tap tap tap tap. You have now single-handedly proven that Mars had oceans 4.3 billion years ago … because the Mars Rover stumbled across a fossilized photo of you sunning yourself on a primordial Martian beach. Photos can't be fossilized, you ignoramus. They can once I'm done editing the Wikipedia entry for "photos."
     
193. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-08 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-08 Pub. Date: 2016-12-08
Image Number: 151822
Caption: I found the most amazing Youtube show. It's about an angel who helps people. Oh yeah? Yeah. And he drives around with some burly guy with a big beard. They wear '80s clothes and don't have any special effects. It's a perfect period show. Wait … are you talking about "Highway to Heaven"? That's not a period show, that was made in the '80s. Even you have to know that. Thanks for ruining it for me.
     
194. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-29 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-29 Pub. Date: 2016-11-29
Image Number: 151569
Caption: I'm dropping you. I'm no longer going to be your personal "alpha male" trainer. What?! But … but … but I need you, Randy! I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you to teach me. I'm nothing without you. Nothing! Great scott … it's like you didn't even read chapter one: Reject the Rejector. I can see we have a lot more work to do. Um ... I mean "Whatever. See you around."
     
195. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-25 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-25 Pub. Date: 2016-11-25
Image Number: 151310
Caption: Have you heard the "Don't Pick Your Nose" song on Youtube? I don't listen to propaganda. The anti-nose-picking elite want us to believe it could get us sick … that it could lead to nosebleeds … that it could cause folliculitis … "Folliculitis" sounds pretty bad. Any illness with five syllables is something to be feared. If god didn't intend for us to pick our noses, he wouldn't have made our fingers fit right into them. We really should have our own medical show.
     
196. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-24 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-24 Pub. Date: 2016-11-24
Image Number: 151309
Caption: "Ask Sadie Advice Hour," what's your problem?! I've been wondering something for a while now: What's the point of learning math if we've got calculators? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Grandmother Cohen was helping design the Statue of Liberty. Instead of a torch, Lady Liberty was supposed to be wielding a handbag. And instead of a tablet, she was supposed to be holding a big globe just asking to get smacked. They said all the calculations showed it was too top-heavy. But I don't buy it! Um ... ok.
     
197. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-14 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-14 Pub. Date: 2016-11-14
Image Number: 151036
Caption: I'm going to miss having a cool president. He didn't walk, he strutted. Reminded me of John Travolta in his prime. The best part of the Saturday Night Fever sequel is the end, where Travolta wins and then struts out into the night to that Bee Gees song. If they don't play "Stayin' Alive" as Obama walks to that helicopter and waves goodbye on inauguration day, it'll be a crime. Sorry, I don't get any references older than my iPhone.
     
198. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-12 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-12 Pub. Date: 2016-11-12
Image Number: 150765
Caption: The election's over, boss, I don't think anyone wants reminded of it. Who's reminding them? All I asked you to do is make a few teensy little changes to our café's billboards. Change them from "House of Java beats Coffee King in 9 out of 10 taste tests: to "Crooked Coffee King is the most corrupt cafe in history. They're absolutely terrible." Nobody wants to see ads that remind them of Donald Trump!!! And change our print ads to "Coffee King should be in jail, believe me."
     
199. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-08 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-08 Pub. Date: 2016-11-08
Image Number: 150761
Caption: I'm surprised you're not out yelling "go vote!" at people through your bullhorn, Mort. I don't want to risk it. People are so fed up with this horrible, awful, disgusting election … I worry that one more mention of it could backfire and cause the entire township to just stay home and sleep. You sure it's not 'cause of all the "Trump" yard signs around here? Nonsense. I just think this year, nobody really needs a reminder.
     
200. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-06 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-06 Pub. Date: 2016-11-06
Image Number: 150036
Caption: Can I have a little water? That'll be $8. What? A cup of water is supposed to be free. It's free everywhere. Menu. Exactly. And just look at the state of America today. Bridges and roads crumbling, Obamacare costs skyrocketing … people leaving pets in hot cars, a totally dysfunctional Congress, $16 movie tickets, terrorism ... What's any of that have to do with free water?! Who knows? But we don't know that it doesn't have something to do with free water. Please ... I'm so thirsty! Fine ... whatever. $8. Trying something new even if it's repugnant is how we're going to get this country back on track.
     
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