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Rudy Park

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181. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-04 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-04 Pub. Date: 2017-02-04
Image Number: 153982
Caption: I just realized how vulnerable I am to people who could hack my phone, my self-driving car, my tv, my garage door opener … So I bought a device called "Trojan Horse: that's supposed to protect me from all that. It connects to my wifi router. It monitors all my web traffic, all my connected devices, and ... well, I'm not exactly sure what it does, but it's supposed to keep the hackers out somehow. What did you say the device is called again? Now I don't worry about anyone hacking my toaster.
     
182. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-31 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-31 Pub. Date: 2017-01-31
Image Number: 153978
Caption: Did you say we import our coffee beans from Chernobyl? Isn't that place a nuclear wasteland? That's culturally insensitive. Chernobyl is a beautiful land of glowing trees and three-headed mooses with raccoon tails. The brave and selfless tribe of hard-working grotesque mutants who hunt our coffee beans for us prefers "post-natural wilderness" to "nuclear wasteland." This is disgu -- Wait, what do you mean "hunt" our coffee beans? Don't get all bleeding-heart about it. The beans skittering around and chucking spears is no evidence they're sentient.
     
183. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-23 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-23 Pub. Date: 2017-01-23
Image Number: 153707
Caption: I watched a Mark Blyth video on Youtube called "Global Trumpism." It explained everything. Really? How so? He pointed out how inflation was an unavoidable feature of predatory capitalism and how that led to worldwide Trumpism. And some stuff about Kierkegaard and Mussolini, and debtors' revolts, and the section of all societies in this phase that will swing right unless they're given a genuine left alternative ... I don't remember all the details, but it made a whole lot of sense in his mesmerizing Scottish accent. It was like James Bond, only smart. Were there bikinis?
     
184. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-19 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-19 Pub. Date: 2017-01-19
Image Number: 153431
Caption: Welcome to Ask Sadie. You're on, Santa Cruz. What's your problem? I feel like something wonderful is about to end. Excellent question. That reminds me of the time great, great, great, great, great Grandma Cohen was a weather forecaster in France. The year was 1812 ... A short Frenchman with a spit-curl summoned her to his chateau on the outskirts of Versailles. He said "Tell me, witch, how will the weather be in Russia this year?" She took offense to being called a witch, so after consulting her cauldron and her buzzard, she lied and told him "The winter will be warmer than usual. Dress your troops casual." What were we talking about again? We were ... I ... don't remember.
     
185. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-10 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-10 Pub. Date: 2017-01-10
Image Number: 153093
Caption: You know how I was watching "Highway to Heaven" on Youtube? Yeah. You loved it, but then once you saw that "Birds of a Feather" episode, you hated it. Yeah. But now I love it again, because of season 2 episode 18: "To Bind the Wounds." Particularly the scene starting at 36 minutes and 11 seconds, and the rest of the way through. By the end of it, I was sobbing like a baby. I don't think there's anything worse than a grown man sobbing at his iPhone. You can see me sob at the 43:28 mark in my reaction video that I posted to Youtube.
     
186. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-08 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-08 Pub. Date: 2017-01-08
Image Number: 152225
Caption: He'll have a crumb of wheat toast. No I won't! I'll have a sausage biscuit with cheese. And we'll have a plain glass of water. No I won't! I'll have a mocha with whipped cream. And for dessert … I'll have a hot buttered blueberry scone with pumpkin-spice frosting and peppermint sprinkles! That looks lovely! He'll have plain yogurt. If you don't eat right, you won't be around for me to berate. Give me a double donut burger! A triple would be more humane. House of Java.
     
187. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-03 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-03 Pub. Date: 2017-01-03
Image Number: 152862
Caption: Sadiekins? I feel you've unfairly judged me. How so, snookums? I've spent my entire life going against the grain, challenging the status quo. Being a rabble-rouser. Het this morning you said I don't have a spontaneous bone in my body. Well I've written a response to that and you're going to listen. Read the funny pages on the potty! Oh, wait. This is yesterday's itinerary.
     
188. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-02 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-02 Pub. Date: 2017-01-02
Image Number: 152861
Caption: Rudy, would you mind ordering your uncle his usual oatmeal? Why can't you just order it? Because I don't want to be stereotyped as the old guy who always orders oatmeal. In my day, I ate a wide variety of foods. Every day it was something new and adventurous. It's not fair that I be judged only on what I eat in my golden years. You order the oatmeal, I'll order the Cream of Wheat, and we'll switch when no one's looking. Too adventurous for me.
     
189. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-31 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-31 Pub. Date: 2016-12-31
Image Number: 152647
Caption: I'm watching "Untold History of the United States" on Netflix. Is it true it was actually the Soviet Union that won World War II? … and is it true Japan was trying to surrender because the USSR had just entered the war against them, but we nuked them anyway just to show Russia who was boss? And is it true Truman single-handedly started the cold war and the arms race by reneging on deals Roosevelt and Churchill had struck with Stalin and then threatening to nuke the USSR? History's interesting now that I can stream it. I don't know what that means, but it sounds inappropriate.
     
190. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-30 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-30 Pub. Date: 2016-12-30
Image Number: 152646
Caption: I'm so sick of 2017, Randy. What? It's still 2016. I know. But everyone's saying how horrible 2016 is and how they can't wait for it to be over. I don't want to be part of the herd, I want to be a trendsetter. There are better ways to be a trendsetter, little buddy. #hashtag-2017-stinks.
     
191. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-28 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-28 Pub. Date: 2016-12-28
Image Number: 152644
Caption: Armstrong's out of control. It's like his greed has gone into overdrive. What do you mean? Every day, he comes up with a new way to bilk the customers and me out of our hard-earned money … like usual. But the odd thing is, now he's doing it every five minutes. I don't think he's slept, eaten of bathed in at least three days. I've bathed, but if you want me to wear deodorant it's an extra $5. Holy McConaughey.
     
192. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-26 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-26 Pub. Date: 2016-12-26
Image Number: 152642
Caption: Boss … there was a $25,000 "Christmas bonus" in my check this year. I just want to thank you. I was totally wrong about you, you're a great man. Don't mention it. You've been my trusted right-hand stooge for almost 16 years now. This is my little way of saying ... you are ordered to spend every last cent of it downloading poetry and widget diagrams from Poetry-and-Widgets.com. This wouldn't be some sort of money laundering scheme, would it? Don't be absurd. Money can never be dirty.
     
193. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-17 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-17 Pub. Date: 2016-12-17
Image Number: 152127
Caption: Are you ever worried people will see all the stuff you put online? Not at all … because I don't put anything online. I'm not on Facebook, I'm not on Twitter, and I conduct all my business in person so they can be charmed by the twinkle in my mustache. You are looking at a man who's totally off the grid, little buddy. It's like talking to a Neanderthal. I also shave with a razor-sharp sliver of granite my grandfather bequeathed unto me.
     
194. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-15 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-15 Pub. Date: 2016-12-15
Image Number: 152125
Caption: Boss, the health inspector is here. Excellent. My hacker just finished restoring all the inspector's social media posts dating back to 1994. Tell him "It'd be a shame if someone's career were ruined by a 20-year-old video of him doing the Macarena in the buff." Don't wink too much. But not too little, either. Very bad man.
     
195. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-12 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-12 Pub. Date: 2016-12-12
Image Number: 152122
Caption: I'm proud of you, Mort. It's been a month and you haven't once freaked out a bout Donald Trump winning the election. That's because I made a pilgrimage to a fog-shrouded castle atop a mountain in Foreignvania. There, a renegade mystic performed an incantation that reboots my memory to November 7, 2016 every time someone mentions Trump. I'm not sure that's a good long-term coping mechanism. Rebooting! ... Hey ... don't forget to vote tomorrow, Randy.
     
196. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-11 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-11 Pub. Date: 2016-12-11
Image Number: 151421
Caption: Oh, Liam. I thought you were dead. I thought I would never see you again! Is that why you married … my brother? … Oh, Caroline … it's doesn't matter. When the mafia held me captive in a seaside cave all these years, the only thing that kept me alive was the thought of you. Caroline ... who is that mysterious stranger lurking outside your bedroom window? Is it yet another lover? No, it's me. Frank. The executive producer. You can cut all this out, we've been canceled. The market can't support more than three soap operas anymore. Everyone's busy watching Youtube. But Frank, I've got three more kids to put through college! And another thirty payments on my car! What am I supposed to do, you heartless @#$%?! Wait ... who's that lurking over there outside that other window? I don't know. It's me. Jeff, CEO of the network. We've been sold to Sputum Cable. They're canceling all executive producer contracts.
     
197. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-10 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-10 Pub. Date: 2016-12-10
Image Number: 151824
Caption: I just edited your Wikipedia entry. And I don't give a wiki. Tap tap tap tap tap. You have now single-handedly proven that Mars had oceans 4.3 billion years ago … because the Mars Rover stumbled across a fossilized photo of you sunning yourself on a primordial Martian beach. Photos can't be fossilized, you ignoramus. They can once I'm done editing the Wikipedia entry for "photos."
     
198. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-08 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-08 Pub. Date: 2016-12-08
Image Number: 151822
Caption: I found the most amazing Youtube show. It's about an angel who helps people. Oh yeah? Yeah. And he drives around with some burly guy with a big beard. They wear '80s clothes and don't have any special effects. It's a perfect period show. Wait … are you talking about "Highway to Heaven"? That's not a period show, that was made in the '80s. Even you have to know that. Thanks for ruining it for me.
     
199. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-29 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-29 Pub. Date: 2016-11-29
Image Number: 151569
Caption: I'm dropping you. I'm no longer going to be your personal "alpha male" trainer. What?! But … but … but I need you, Randy! I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you to teach me. I'm nothing without you. Nothing! Great scott … it's like you didn't even read chapter one: Reject the Rejector. I can see we have a lot more work to do. Um ... I mean "Whatever. See you around."
     
200. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-25 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-25 Pub. Date: 2016-11-25
Image Number: 151310
Caption: Have you heard the "Don't Pick Your Nose" song on Youtube? I don't listen to propaganda. The anti-nose-picking elite want us to believe it could get us sick … that it could lead to nosebleeds … that it could cause folliculitis … "Folliculitis" sounds pretty bad. Any illness with five syllables is something to be feared. If god didn't intend for us to pick our noses, he wouldn't have made our fingers fit right into them. We really should have our own medical show.
     
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