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Rudy Park

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81. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-10 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-10 Pub. Date: 2018-04-10
Image Number: 170357
Caption: I had my shirt on backward all day. Why didn't you tell me?! I was too busy being impressed, little buddy. You were defying social norms. Walking to the beat of your own drummer. Soaring to the flapping of your own wings. When I see a man with his short on backward, I don't correct him. I applaud him. How about when you see a woman with her shirt on backward? I applaud her too, even though there's an increased risk of misunderstanding-related slappage.
     
82. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-08 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-08 Pub. Date: 2018-04-08
Image Number: 169775
Caption: Dr. Stephen Hawking saved my life, doc. How so? Dr. Noodle. I was in a deep dark depression. I wanted to end it all. I was about to. But just then, through my tv, I heard his computerized voice announcing his discovery about black holes. They're the most powerful things there are. But he'd discovered that theoretically, they lose mass over time, until they're just ... gone. He said Things can get out of a black hole both on the outside and possibly to another universe. So if you feel you are in a black hole, don't give up ... there's a way out. His loss is a moral and intellectual void that'll never be filled. Well that's depressing ... and ... now I'm ok.
     
83. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-06 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-06 Pub. Date: 2018-04-06
Image Number: 170208
Caption: Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! I don't want to vaccinate my kids. But my husband does. What do I do? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Mother Cohen and Father Cohen were arguing about vaccinating us kids. Father Cohen accused her of being a pawn of the Illuminati's attempt to use diphtheria to mutate us into ape-people. Mother Cohen accused him of being anti-Darwinian. That's when Father Cohen brought up her illicit fling with Chuck Darwin, and all heck broke loose. Um ... thanks?
     
84. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-05 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-05 Pub. Date: 2018-04-05
Image Number: 170207
Caption: Remington is filing for bankruptcy. They're going away. No they're not. The gun manufacturer is just filing for chapter 11 bankruptcy. It'll let them stay in business and weasel out of paying their creditors at the same time. Lots of businesses do it, all the time. It's the American way. Maybe I'll declare chapter 11 so I can weasel out too. Don't be foolish, the American way is for corporate citizens, not citizen-citizens.
     
85. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-04 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-04 Pub. Date: 2018-04-04
Image Number: 170206
Caption: Boss, I told The Fixer you were firing him. Go back and tell him that was fake news. I may have use for him after all, if the press ever finds out about the nondisclosure agreement I forced Garfield to sign. Um … ok … that's enough … The Fixer paid him the hush money, and that gives me plausible deniability. I don't want to hear it!!! Very bad man!!! It was lasagna-related. Get your mind out of the gutter.
     
86. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-03 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-03 Pub. Date: 2018-04-03
Image Number: 170205
Caption: Boss, someone called The Fixer is here to see you. Excellent. Go out and tell him I want him to teach you everything he knows. I don't see why I should have to keep paying him when I've got my very own minion. Pay extra attention to the issue vague threats to shut down lawsuits part. If he asks why I didn't fire him myself, you tell him I've moved to Botswana. Very bad man.
     
87. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-02 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-02 Pub. Date: 2018-04-02
Image Number: 170204
Caption: Today's lesson for the lustful man is called Do As the Ladies Do. Part One: The Look. If you spot someone who's super-hot, don't stare. Look away and watch her using your peripheral vision only. You'll find peripheral vision exercises on page 47 of my new book: How to survive and thrive in the #Metoo era. It's the latest in my best-selling Randy's MANuals series. Available in bookstores and mancaves near you.
     
88. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-03-25 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-03-25 Pub. Date: 2018-03-25
Image Number: 169194
Caption: Do you think the moon is real? Well … there are tons of videos on Youtube about how the moon's artificial. They point out Apollo astronauts said that when they crashes a ship into it, the moon rang like a bell and it kept vibrating for hours. This is why they say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. You, for instance, know enough about physics to know that manmade metal objects that are hollow inside ring when they're struck ... but you don't know enough to know that the reason earth doesn't ring or vibrate for hours when there's a quake is that our planet's rocks are full of moisture that acts like a sponge, dampening the shockwaves. Not so on the moon. A little knowledge makes you a slave to conspiracy theories. A lot of knowledge makes you their master. You seem to know a lot about this ... that' awfully convenient.
     
89. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-03-23 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-03-23 Pub. Date: 2018-03-23
Image Number: 169642
Caption: What's your question for Ask Sadie? What's the most humane way to get squirrels out of my garden? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time one of my ancestors had a similar question. Ironically, she was a spunky flying-squirrel-like creature who prayed to the great acorn to do something about the triceratops that kept stomping her magnolias. My advice: Go great-acorn on those squirrels!!! Did that really happen? It's family lore! I don't question it!
     
90. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-03-22 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-03-22 Pub. Date: 2018-03-22
Image Number: 169641
Caption: I can't keep up, Randy. What happened, little buddy? You know how I created a hate-bot to automate my back you up in online arguments business? Don't tell me: The Russian troll farms beat you to it. No. My hate-bot became sentient and created an even snarkier hate-bot. Mankind is officially obsolete. For an extra $1, the HB-1000 will throw in racism and misogyny.
     
91. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-03-19 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-03-19 Pub. Date: 2018-03-19
Image Number: 169638
Caption: On today's Ask Sadie Show, we discuss one topic: The Great Recession. You thought it was gone, but Congress is deregulating the crooked Wall Street gangsters who caused it in the first place! This reminds me of the year 1923. An old man who lived in a rain barrel by the five and dime used to shout If'n you brushed yer teeth once, well then you don't have to do it no more. The 1920s was a colorful time. Old Jedediah Toothless was a nincompoop! And so is Congress.
     
92. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-03-18 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-03-18 Pub. Date: 2018-03-18
Image Number: 169018
Caption: The James Webb telescope is going to change everything. How so, cretinous oaf? It's going to let us see much farther into deep space than ever before. And the farther we see, the further back in time we're seeing. Do you understand what this means, Sadie? I don't have all day. Get to the point dweeb! It means we'll see the earliest stars and galaxies there ever were. We may even see all the way back to the Big Bang itself. We'll finally know for certain whether it was you. Busted. That singularity had it coming.
     
93. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-03-07 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-03-07 Pub. Date: 2018-03-07
Image Number: 169197
Caption: The Last Jedi dvd is going to have fourteen deleted scenes! Horrible mistake. The confident creator releases his work to the world and says This is it. This is what I want to show you. He doesn't then show you all the stuff he might have put in the story. Did Prince release the deleted stanza from Little Red Corvette where he also compared her to a Ford Pinto? Wait ... Prince compared a sexy lady to a Ford Pinto? Who knows? That's my point. Aren't you glad you don't know what?
     
94. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-03-04 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-03-04 Pub. Date: 2018-03-04
Image Number: 168535
Caption: I wonder what life was like before the internet. What are you talking about? You don't have to wonder what life was like before the internet. You were here! We have no proof of that. I've googled myself. There's no reference to me existing prior to 1994. No blog posts, no photos, no tweets. I mean sure, you can find my birth certificate, but that means nothing. There is nothing online that was written by me, personally prior to 1994. Stop that!!! I found a box of old polaroids. They're supposedly pictures of me as a child. But there's no proof of that. There are no photos of me that have verifiable metadata or time stamps prior to 1994. Don't look at me like that. There isn't a single link proving you existed prior to 1997 ... so respect your elders. Stop that!!!
     
95. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-23 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-23 Pub. Date: 2018-02-23
Image Number: 168670
Caption: No offense, but I'm eternally grateful to know that you stand no chance of ever passing on your genes. That's where you're wrong. I pass on my jeans at least once a year. What do you think Craigslist was invented for? Craigslist? Yeah. Whenever I get bored, I go on there and pass on my jeans. Sometimes I don't even charge anything. Tell me you're not saying what I think you're saying. I'm saying that site is full of people who'd like to get into my pants.
     
96. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-16 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-16 Pub. Date: 2018-02-16
Image Number: 168445
Caption: Boss, hear me out: I'm giving you a chance to progressively cultivate optimal internal organic sources. Forget it. But a sabbatical would seamlessly benchmark high-payoff architectures so your assets could competently pursue premier content generation. You're not getting a week's paid vacation, minion, and that's final. But don't you want to synergistically drive holistic, end-to-end cross-functional virtualization? Get back to work.
     
97. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-11 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-11 Pub. Date: 2018-02-11
Image Number: 167765
Caption: Told you fellers Trump would make America great ag'n. He weren't lyin', neither. At&T gave out bonuses. Sure they laid off a buncha folks at the same time, but twasn't none of them me, so that don't count. Wal-Mart gave a buncha workers raises … An' they laid off a buncha folks at Sam's Club at the same time, but twasn't none of them me, go that don't count. MAGA. Over a hundred companies are givin' out one-time $1000 bonuses an' sayin' it's 'cause of the billions of dollars in tax cuts they got. During the last gilded age, the robber barons sometimes handed out pocket change to the poor. They were placating the masses who wanted to break up their huge, unscrupulous, slave-wage-paying corporations. Sounds like fake hist'ry to me. Just saying, $1000 isn't much to pay for pitchfork insurance. We eat the poor.
     
98. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-06 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-06 Pub. Date: 2018-02-06
Image Number: 168187
Caption: I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy. Which part do you miss most? Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what tv shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission? Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors.
     
99. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-01 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-01 Pub. Date: 2018-02-01
Image Number: 167932
Caption: Rudy, it's come to my attention you've spilled 348 gallons of coffee and tea. What? I did not! I'm talking over the course of the last 16 years. Don't bother denying it, every time you've spilled a drop, Gunther measured it. Gunther? Who's Gunther? That's what I named him. He came here on a low-skilled work visa. He's been working under the floorboards ever since it expired. Very bad man.
     
100. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-28 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-28 Pub. Date: 2018-01-28
Image Number: 167103
Caption: You've reached Trump. At last! We've finally reached the leader of your blue rock. We come bearing scientific advances. You're so boring. Listen to you. I fail to understand your form of greeting. I-fail-to-understand-your-form-of-greeting … I prefer people who understand, that's all I'll say. We don't need your scientific advances. I don't know where you're from. You're all dangerous, bloodthirsty monsters. Although some of you, I assume, are good people. I say we blow up this geographic area and try another. Go ahead, Rocket-Man, I can blow you up bigger than you can blow us up. Believe me.
     
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