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Rudy Park

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361. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-07 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-07 Pub. Date: 2015-01-07
Image Number: 121147
Caption: Boss ... We haven't had a customer all day. Not since Coffee King lowered their prices. Not a problem, minion. I have a feeling Coffee King is about to be closed due to an anonymous call to the health inspector. I have a feeling some anonymous patron is going to have found rat droppings in the asbestos Coffee King wraps its month-old tuna fish in. I can't believe even you would do something that underhanded, boss. I don't know what you're talking about.
     
362. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-05 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-05 Pub. Date: 2015-01-05
Image Number: 121145
Caption: The cutest lady I've ever seen in my life just walked in. The Love Doctor's on a break. That's ok, I don't need advice. I think I'll just ask her out on my own. Good for you, little buddy! Yeah, I'm thinking of staring at her a little too long, and then mumbling my name to her ... and then nature will take its course. The Love Doctor will see you now.
     
363. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-04 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-04 Pub. Date: 2015-01-04
Image Number: 120323
Caption: He'll have a crumb of wheat toast. No I won't! I'll have a sausage biscuit with cheese. And he'll have a plain glass of water. No I won't! I'll have a mocha with whipped cream. And for dessert ... I'll have a hot buttered blueberry scone with pumpkin-spice frosting and peppermint sprinkles! That looks lovely! He'll have plain yogurt. If you don't eat right, you won't be around for me to berate. Give me a double donut burger! A triple would be more humane.
     
364. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-31 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-31 Pub. Date: 2014-12-31
Image Number: 120914
Caption: Many of you were confused about the "Randy's How to be an Alpha" lesson from yesterday: "Live like you've got nothing to lose." You know what? I don't care. If you don't get it, that's on you. If you want to hang out with the big dog, either keep up or get left behind. I hope that demonstration clears up the confusion. If not, I couldn't care less.
     
365. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-30 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-30 Pub. Date: 2014-12-30
Image Number: 120913
Caption: To be an alpha male, little buddy, you've got to live like you've got nothing left to lose. I don't know, Randy. How could I just stop worrying about losing my dream job, or losing my life savings, or losing my looks ... or losing the respect of other men and the respect and adoration of the ladies? Good news and bad. Good: If you've never had any of that stuff, you can skip right to the "nothing left to lose" part. Ok ... and the bad?
     
366. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-28 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-28 Pub. Date: 2014-12-28
Image Number: 120016
Caption: I'd like ten cupcakes for my boy's first birthday party. Are you certain, fine sir? Your little boy's first birthday party is something that'll never come again. You want to make sure he'll always remember how much his poppa adored him, don't you? Do you want him to see photos of the party one day and think his daddy only had cupcake-sized love for him? If you really loved him, you'd surprise him with our five-foot-tall oversized cake with animatronic dancing gerbil candles and gummy penguin lollipop frosting. How much? You mean, how much will your boy love you for making his childhood so magical? I hate you. But ask yourself this: Do you love your son more than you hate me? Very bad man.
     
367. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-24 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-24 Pub. Date: 2014-12-24
Image Number: 120665
Caption: You shoved a candy cane in my ear!! Ingrate. It's customary to thank someone when she gives you a Christmas gift. In my day, people would actually mail a handwritten letter to express their gratitude. But you young losers don't respect people enough to take time to do that. My ear!!! No, it's true.
     
368. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-13 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-13 Pub. Date: 2014-12-13
Image Number: 120015
Caption: Boss … The CIA is here. They say they're doing an inspection. Not a problem. If they ask about centrifuges, uranium or a secret laboratory, just tell them you don't know what they're talking about. And whatever you do, don't let them press the third brick from the left of the furnace in the basement. What are you up to? Nothing. Why do you ask? Also, tell them I've died.
     
369. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-12 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-12 Pub. Date: 2014-12-12
Image Number: 120014
Caption: Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? I'm dating this girl, and she's hinting that she wants a commitment. How do I keep getting what I want without giving her what she wants? That's easy. Every time she opens her mouth to talk about it, softly touch her lips with your finger and say ... "You know what separates us from everyone else?" "We don't even need words. Everything we have to say, we can say with our eyes." How long will that routine buy me? Six weeks of bliss.
     
370. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-08 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-08 Pub. Date: 2014-12-08
Image Number: 120010
Caption: Another fraternity's in the new for assaulting a woman at a party. That's why I quit PIG back in college. Pi-Iota-Gamma was the epitome of everything that wrong with fraternities. Guys would ply girls with drinks at every party, and I'd spend all night breaking down locked doors and stopping my own PIG brothers from doing anything evil. Real men don't need numbers, booze, pills or force to get anywhere with a woman. Women never even came to our parties at Lambda-Omicron-Sigma-Eta-Rho.
     
371. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-06 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-06 Pub. Date: 2014-12-06
Image Number: 119728
Caption: Okay, dictation monkey, can you read back to me my Hypochondriac's Handbook Rules To Live By? Not really. While you were talking, I was pretending to type what you said, but I was actually playing a video game on my phone. I can't strangle you because I don't want to touch your cold-and-flu ridden corpus. One of those moments I just relish.
     
372. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-11-30 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-11-30 Pub. Date: 2014-11-30
Image Number: 118881
Caption: Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers. Send your questions to asksadie@rudypark.com. Dear Sadie, My boyfriend refuses to tell me his Facebook password, and his security settings prevent me from seeing who his other friends are. How can I trust that he's not cheating on me if he hides these things from me? -Distraught in Des Moines. I get this question all the time, Distraught. First, you shouldn't jump to conclusions. There's no reason to assume he's cheating. It's just as likely he's running drugs, or he's involved in human trafficking, or he tattoos people against their will and posts the pictures on Facebook. Second, STOP BEING SO NOSY! ARE YOU A GIRLFRIEND OR A PRISON GUARD?! If you don't trust your boyfriend, just leave ... or you can stay and make each other miserable. Both options have their pros and cons. Send questions for Sadie: asksadie@rudypark.com.
     
373. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-11-29 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-11-29 Pub. Date: 2014-11-29
Image Number: 119417
Caption: You want to see me, boss? I'm sorry the woman you wanted to marry married someone else. To make you feel better, I've arranged for you to marry Changying Infei. Who? She's the daughter of Bingwen Ingfei, China's most successful café owner. A merger of both our houses would position me for the 21st century. Who I marry is MY business! Don't be so selfish.
     
374. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-11-26 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-11-26 Pub. Date: 2014-11-26
Image Number: 119414
Caption: What's the best way to break up a marriage? I'm not sure I want to know why you're asking. As long as Beyonce's sister stays married, I don’t have much chance of marrying her myself. I'm not fit enough for "Survivor," I don't have eight kids, and I'm a bit too old to be on "Big Brother." I figure marrying a celebrity's sister is my best chance to finally get my own reality show. Does "Willis" from "Diff'rent Strokes" have a sister? Ok, now I'm 100% sure.
     
375. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-11-24 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-11-24 Pub. Date: 2014-11-24
Image Number: 119412
Caption: Solange Knowles got married!!! That's n … Who? Beyonce's sister. I've had a crush on her ever since I found out Beyonce was already taken. I always imagined that someday we'd meet, fall in love, and together we'd start a reality show. I mean "family." This is why I don't cover psychotherapy in your health insurance. You'd bankrupt me.
     
376. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-11-20 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-11-20 Pub. Date: 2014-11-20
Image Number: 119145
Caption: Vancouver, you're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! Would you people please stop saying you're "moving to Canada"? We Canadians pride ourselves on not being the United States. We can't keep doing that if half the United States moves up here. That's it ... We're coming next Tuesday. We'll be moving in right next door to you and playing loud music at all hours. If you think America will abide being told what to do, you don't understand America. If you move to Canada, Canada's moving to the North Pole.
     
377. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-11-18 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-11-18 Pub. Date: 2014-11-18
Image Number: 119143
Caption: On today's Ask Sadie Radio Hour, we discuss one topic: the constant flirtation with fleeing to Canada. Canada has universal health insurance, far fewer killings, much less bigotry, more social mobility, better schools, less obesity, 50 weeks maternity leave, blah blah blah. But that means nothing, because you know what they don't have? Panicky media telling you who to blame for the sky falling! We'll be back, after this message from Depends Undergarments.
     
378. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-11-17 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-11-17 Pub. Date: 2014-11-17
Image Number: 119142
Caption: You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! Nothing in this country ever goes my way. We have no national health insurance, no gun control, no high-speed moose network … Go to Canada, then! Who needs you, you whiner! America's national pastime is complaining. If you don't want to stay and enjoy the game, who needs you?! I've never been into sports.
     
379. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-11-16 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-11-16 Pub. Date: 2014-11-16
Image Number: 118269
Caption: Plausible deniability. Huh? It’s the best part about being old. What do you mean? The Kravitzes' cat "Lester" lives across the street from me. Every night for nine years, Lester has been rummaging through my garbage. And every morning for nine years, the Kravitzes have refused my polite requests that they keep that depraved beast chained up in their basement at night. The nerve. This morning I may have mistakenly used catnip to lure Lester into a crate, and then accidentally shipped him to Hong Kong. ... Or not. I'm just a little old lady. I don't always remember why or even WHETHER I've done things. PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY! I know what you mean. That's one of the main weapons in the "guy" arsenal, too. Thump.
     
380. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-11-14 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-11-14 Pub. Date: 2014-11-14
Image Number: 118879
Caption: I hear they finally identified the wreckage of Amelia Earhart's plane. Finally! It took them long enough! I planted that fake wreckage way back in 1937! And it wasn't easy! In '37, the tiny atoll of Nikumaroro was hard to reach. I had to take two rafts and a bus. You, uh ... you don't believe her ... do you? Almost definitely not.
     
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