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Rudy Park

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221. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-30 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-30 Pub. Date: 2016-08-30
Image Number: 147932
Caption: I don't want to choose between the lesser of two evils, Randy. Me neither, little buddy. That's why I'm not voting for either Clinton or Trump. I'm going to vote for the only American who has yet to disappoint me. I'm voting for Pocahontas. Just don't tell me anything about her that'll make me think she's a bad choice too. Did you know "Pocahontas" was a nickname that meant "spoiled child"? I'm voting for Paul Bunyan.
     
222. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-26 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-26 Pub. Date: 2016-08-26
Image Number: 147678
Caption: You called me, boss? Yes. I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we've found. I want you to stop doing that. At least until I'm done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don't need any competitors driving up the prices. Very bad man. When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing.
     
223. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-16 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-16 Pub. Date: 2016-08-16
Image Number: 147398
Caption: I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp. Really? Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that? They post "reviews" that don't have even a hint of negativity. Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: "House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate."
     
224. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-12 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-12 Pub. Date: 2016-08-12
Image Number: 147087
Caption: Scientists discovered an immense hole in Siberia. Nobody knows what caused it. Some think global warming melted a huge, gas-filled hill made of ice so fast that is exploded. Let's let them go on thinking that, little buddy. House of Java.net Cybercafe. By the way, if you ever go out to the middle of nowhere to brew your own black market cologne, make sure you don't brew it on a hill made of ice. That does not constitute an admission of anything.
     
225. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-11 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-11 Pub. Date: 2016-08-11
Image Number: 147086
Caption: Sadie, what would it take for you to provide someone with an alibi? Let's see if you qualify for a discount. Was the crime funny? No. Was the victim someone I despise? No. Was the victim a slacker? No. Oh. Well … I'll give you a discount anyway. But don't tell anyone.
     
226. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-05 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-05 Pub. Date: 2016-08-05
Image Number: 146704
Caption: Have you ever been to a funeral, Randy? Of course. Dozens. You've lost dozens of people? What happened, some natural disaster or something? No, I didn't know most of them. Wait … please don't tell me you - grieving ladies need comforting.
     
227. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-04 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-04 Pub. Date: 2016-08-04
Image Number: 146703
Caption: I imagine at your age, you attend a lot of funerals, Sadie. Oh, yes, they're quite lovely. As a child, I attended birthday parties. As a lass, I attended sweet sixteens. As a young adult, I attended weddings. As a mature woman, I attended retirement parties. Now, in the twilight of life, I attend funerals. "Deathday" parties, if you will. And it's beautiful. Because it's all come full circle? Because for once, I don't have to buy the %$&*@ a gift.
     
228. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-03 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-03 Pub. Date: 2016-08-03
Image Number: 146702
Caption: I just need exactly 30 minutes to go to a funeral. Exactly? That's how long it'll take me to march to the archipelago where Bajor was and light a dragon on fire in Bajor's honor. I hope you're going to tell me you're talking about some video game … because paying for your mental health care would violate my religious beliefs, and the supreme court said I don't have to do that. I dressed my pikemen in black.
     
229. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-02 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-02 Pub. Date: 2016-08-02
Image Number: 146701
Caption: I need to take some bereavement time off. "Bereavement time"? Let me check … No, there's no such thing as "bereavement time" in your contract, Rudy. I'd love to give you time off to grieve, but if I start allowing things that aren't in your contract, before we know it you'll be marrying your car. What car? I don't own a car. I believe my point still stands.
     
230. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-07-30 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-07-30 Pub. Date: 2016-07-30
Image Number: 146487
Caption: On today's Ask Sadie Show with Sadie Cohen, we discuss one topic: The month of August. Everyone knows the month of August is named after Roman Emperor Augustus Caesar. What many don't realize, though, is Augustus was only a figurehead. The true power behind the throne was wielded by his mistress, Sadius Cohenus XVII. This explains why the month is so oppressive and unbearable. Shhh ... she might hear you.
     
231. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-07-25 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-07-25 Pub. Date: 2016-07-25
Image Number: 146482
Caption: Minion, how good are you at constructing big, beautiful walls? What? Tens of millions of people watched last week's Republican convention. I don't follow. My calculations show the convention successfully scared 49.2% of them nearly to death, by making it seem as if we're being overrun by savages. There are now millions of potential customers who'd love to sip coffee surrounded by a 50-foot electrified wall. Very bad man.
     
232. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-07-21 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-07-21 Pub. Date: 2016-07-21
Image Number: 146154
Caption: What are you doing, little buddy? Practicing my hate-face. It's a mixture of disgust, snarkiness, and confusion. When I wear it, it protects me from liking something that the internet has chosen to hate. DC's got a new movie coming out: Suicide Squad. I don't want to be caught unprepared, like I was with Batman V Superman. You loved that film. Yes, but I repented.
     
233. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-07-09 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-07-09 Pub. Date: 2016-07-09
Image Number: 145519
Caption: Thank you for coming in on your day off, minion. It reflects well on your character. I don't know how you got that impression. I would never force you to come in on your day off. That would be illegal. You said "Come in on your day off. Your job depends on it." Rudy, Rudy, Rudy ... That's just a figure of speech. You went on to say "I mean it. That's not just a figure of speech." That was a figure of speech too.
     
234. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-07-07 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-07-07 Pub. Date: 2016-07-07
Image Number: 145517
Caption: What's your question for "Ask Sadie?" Are America's best days behind us? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time in grade school when the schoolmarm told little Jebediah Thistlewood to pull up his knickers. The next day, Jebediah's pa came to school and said "In my day, a man was free enough to wear his trousers 'round his ankles if he wanted to. This used to be one humdinger of a country." I still have no idea what he was talking about. I don't even remember what I asked you.
     
235. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-07-03 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-07-03 Pub. Date: 2016-07-03
Image Number: 144703
Caption: Sadie, I just read that the moon used to be a lot closer to earth. You? "Read"? Yes, I read all the time. It takes you that long to read a book? Now that's not nice, Mrs. Cohen. We don't have to go at each other all the time, do we? I dream of a day when you and I can let bygones be bygones, embrace one another, and give each other the respect each of us deserves. Nothing doing! Come on, Sadie. Don't you ever wonder how happy we could be if we called a cease-fire? How about it? ... Friends? (Sigh) Why not ... Great! Now, I read that billions of years ago, the moon was much closer. You were there, is that true? Cease-fire over!
     
236. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-29 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-29 Pub. Date: 2016-06-29
Image Number: 145236
Caption: I have a coupon for a free Moroccan Wasabi Mochaccino. You already used that coupon last week. I don’t think so. You must be thinking of another customer. No, I remember handing you the drink, you showing me the coupon … and then when I tried to take if from you, you pushed aside a table, a boy scout and a nun as you fled. I don't think so. Get out.
     
237. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-25 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-25 Pub. Date: 2016-06-25
Image Number: 144914
Caption: You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! I met a lady a while back. We're both stuck in marriages we don't want to be in. We'd rather be together but we don't have the courage to end things. What do you mean "courage"? Ending things isn't "courageous," it's cowardly. Courage means not running from misery, but embracing it, becoming its master, and delivering it upon all those around you with vengeance.
     
238. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-17 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-17 Pub. Date: 2016-06-17
Image Number: 144578
Caption: Hello, this is Hillary Clinton. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, I have won the Democratic party's nomination for President of the United States. I don't think so … and as a former Bernie Sanders supporter, it is in your best interest to work just as hard to help me win in the fall. House of Java Cybercafe. You haven't actually won yet, though. Winning is just a formality.
     
239. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-16 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-16 Pub. Date: 2016-06-16
Image Number: 144577
Caption: Boss, I've got a new idea. I think it'll double - no, triple - our sales. Not again. No, hear me out. This one's great. You know how we've been trying to figure out a way to keep customers from going to Coffee King? Yes. We've paid sweatshops in Foreignvania to post negative Yelp reviews ... We've planted rats in their kitchen ... and we've besmirched their name in many ways. Well here's my idea: why don't we try serving better coffee than them? Where's the fun in that?
     
240. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-10 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-10 Pub. Date: 2016-06-10
Image Number: 144241
Caption: Hello, nemesis. Give me one of everything. And bill it to you. Why would I do that? Because there's a sign on the wall that reads "The customer is always right." If you don't do as I say, that's false advertising. If you don't pay for what you order, you're not technically a "customer." Stalemate! Not technically.
     
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