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Rudy Park

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-07-10 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-07-10 Pub. Date: 2018-07-10
Image Number: 172760
Caption: I wish Mort were here. I need help with this. You can't open an envelope. It's the national radio society's annual prize results. Someone nominated me as Most Obnoxious and Caustic Talk Show of the Year. Great honor. I need Mort's moral support if I don't win. Naturally.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-06-21 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-06-21 Pub. Date: 2018-06-21
Image Number: 172385
Caption: I can't decide whether to send my grandson these homemade brownies overnight certified or two-day ground. Move it, lady! I'm sorry, sir. I don't mean to be a pain. I just want to do right by my darling grandkids. Forgive me, I'm an old lady. There there. Take your time. I'm gonna set a personal record. Your grandkids hate you!
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-06-12 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-06-12 Pub. Date: 2018-06-12
Image Number: 172241
Caption: Meanwhile at a café in neighboring Canardville … Have you gathered all the regulars and local animals two-by-two, minion? You were serious about that, boss? Totally unrelated topic: Let's say thousands of years ago, a big oil company was bribing a local shopkeeper to let them use his basement. Let's call him ... oh, I don't know ... Noah. Let's say big oil was using Noah's Cafe to conduct an illegal fracking operation. Let's say this type of mining is ... a tad risky ... and let's say big oil assured Noah that his cafe would be the one place in town that wouldn't cave in. Very very bad man.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-06-10 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-06-10 Pub. Date: 2018-06-10
Image Number: 171805
Caption: What brings you to therapy, Mr. Jiddury? Social anxiety. That's what Google says it is, anyway. But Google's no doctor. I thought it'd be better to get the opinion of a professional. I see, well, why don't we start the diagnosis by having you hang up your phone, get out of your car and come inside? No, that's ok. I'm good here. You have a lovely parking lot. I've got donuts in here. No, that's ok, I'm good. I've got cracker crumbs on the floor.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-06-05 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-06-05 Pub. Date: 2018-06-05
Image Number: 172096
Caption: Did you feel the earth shake last night, Rosencrantz? I did, Tyrone. But to be honest, I don't know if I really felt it or if I only now believe I felt it because your query planted the thought in my brain. Nonsense. You are you own person. You thoughts are your own. I could never substitute my will for your own. You're right. I stand corrected.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-06-02 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-06-02 Pub. Date: 2018-06-02
Image Number: 171962
Caption: I laugh at those who deem it insane when a man talks to himself, Rosencrantz … for we do not perceive reality. Instead, reality is transmitted through our sensory nodes, converted into electrical impulses, and transmitted across our synapses … whereupon our brains piece the impulses together and form an approximation of reality. Don't you see? Every person I've ever spoken with has been just a voice inside my head. Whatever, Tyrone. It's till creepy when you sing yourself to sleep.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-30 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-30 Pub. Date: 2018-05-30
Image Number: 171959
Caption: I've been playing around with deep fake technology. I took photos of everyone who ever bullied me … and I mapped them onto the little Sims in Simcity. Well, that's only the second most disturbing thing I've heard people doing with that tech. Every time they try to go home, I demolish their homes. Then they drive around in circles wondering what happened. HOJ. You don't think that's strange, do you? I don't judge.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-25 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-25 Pub. Date: 2018-05-25
Image Number: 171810
Caption: What was Rudy like as a child, Mort? He was a very adventurous young man. Every time I visited, he would tell me about his exploits. About how he climbed mountains with some other child named Q-Bert … He's tell me about how he'd spend hours and hours collecting coins with his friends Mario and Luigi ... Who just put the Joker back in Arkham Asylum? This guy!! I don't know what that means, but it sounds very strenuous.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-22 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-22 Pub. Date: 2018-05-22
Image Number: 171807
Caption: Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? I'm in love with another man's wife, and he found out. We're all supposed to go to the same party next week. But now that he knows … should I still go? Of course. Never run away. But what if he confronts me in front of everyone? I'd be so embarrasses. Just keep repeating Randy's seven golden man-words" I don't know what you're talking about.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-17 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-17 Pub. Date: 2018-05-17
Image Number: 171510
Caption: Boss? Strange thing happened … I created a cryoptocurrency called Rudycoin. I had about $375 billion worth of Rudycoins as of last night. But early this morning, I got an email form you that had a link called click this. I clicked it. Suddenly, my $375 billion balance shrunk to $3.75. I don't know what you're talking about, minion. That's just a coincidence. Besides, maybe you've always had just $3.75. You've never been great with decimal points. I'm texting a lawyer.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-14 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-14 Pub. Date: 2018-05-14
Image Number: 171507
Caption: I'm filthy rich. Don't tell anyone. What? I've got 28 million so far. But I choose to live like a normal peon. 28 … million?? I can't believe what I'm hearing, little buddy. This changes … wait … 28 million what? Rudycoins. It's a cryptocurrency I created in the john last night.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-13 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-13 Pub. Date: 2018-05-13
Image Number: 170941
Caption: I'm sorry, we're all out of mocha. Want something else? Yes, I want you to run to Starbucks and get me a mocha. I'm … what? Sorry, I can't do that. You have to. Or I'll sue. I saw your menu from the sidewalk. I'm not following. If your menu is viewable from the sidewalk, it's considered advertising. If you advertise a product but you don't have it in stock and you don't cross it out, that's false advertising. And that's a crime. So what's it going to be? Are you going to run down to Starbucks or do you want me to bring the wrath of the entire judicial system down upon you? I'm not sure any of that is true. But I could use the fresh air. While you're there, would you be a poodle and get me a cheese danish?
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-06 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-06 Pub. Date: 2018-05-06
Image Number: 170676
Caption: One peppermint shake, two straws. Oh no. We're back together again. In fact, make that just one straw. We'll share it. I don't want anything to separate us ever again. Two. What are you trying to do, sugar-puss, give me the mouth-herpes you caught form that Sheila? I told you, daffodil-bottom, that wasn't mouth-herpes, it was just a sore where I'd accidentally bitten my lip. And I would never have even been with Sheila if you hadn't just ditched me for that hobo. Biff Manly is a sailor who lives in a houseboat. He's not a hobo ... dear. Do you have any drinks that taste like the high seas? Leave me out of this! I see you've got a drink called The Sheila. We'll. Have. That.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-28 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-28 Pub. Date: 2018-04-28
Image Number: 170880
Caption: Don't tell anyone, but I'm pretty sure I saw a TR-38 last night. I was lounging on my roof, bathed in the supple blue glow of my iPad, iPhone, Kindle, Apple Watch, laptop and mini TV. Like ususal. Suddenly, I had the inexplicable urge to turn them all off. That's when it came into view: A huge, black, triangle floating right over me. It began to vibrate, and suddenly a single thought was projected into my head. "Keep at least one of these things off please. Your gigantic wattage is messing with our warp drive." Could've been swamp gas.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-24 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-24 Pub. Date: 2018-04-24
Image Number: 170876
Caption: I'm thinking of moving to New York so I can vote for Governor Cuomo in the primaries. Cynthia Nixon is his challenger. You know … Miranda from Sex and the City. She's the progressive, and he's the establishment Democrat. I've always wanted to be part of an establishment. You sure this isn't 'cause you're still mad at how Miranda treated Steve on Sex and the City? You don't tell a man to hurry up mid-lovin'. Who does that??
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-23 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-23 Pub. Date: 2018-04-23
Image Number: 170875
Caption: Boss, I got your memo about the café's new patrons-only bathroom policy. Good. One question: Why's it say this only applies to scared people? You're aware of the recent Starbucks news? Their mistake was they engaged in negative discrimination. My studies show positive discrimination actually boosts customer retention. Now get back out there, and when you hand a patron the potty key, don't for to say this is only for the brave! I've been saying that. But it just makes them afraid to go in there.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-22 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-22 Pub. Date: 2018-04-22
Image Number: 170203
Caption: Of course I can get you a double-caffeine espresso. You … you can? Coffee King. You mean my usual café hasn't blacklisted me throughout the tri-county area like they said they did? You mean to tell me my cardiologist and my crabby wife haven't sent every cafe do not serve this man posters like they said they did? Well in that case, hurry up and give it to me before the old battleaxe finds a parking spot! Oh, don't worry. There's a convention next door. She'll be circling the block for hours. How do you like your gentle-flower chamomile tea? People who double-park should burn forever in the fiery pits of hell.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-19 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-19 Pub. Date: 2018-04-19
Image Number: 170595
Caption: The March Kaiser Family Foundation study showed that 59% of Americans now favor Medicare-for-all. That's almost 60%! When asked if they'd favor it if people were still allowed to buy private supplemental insurance, the number skyrocketed to 75%. This ruins everything. I was used to calling it a leftist position. But if most people want it, isn't it now the centrist position? Don't panic, little buddy. Political labels are about mockery, not accuracy. That sounds awfully leftist of you.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-14 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-14 Pub. Date: 2018-04-14
Image Number: 170361
Caption: Long time no see, Darlene. That was by design. I've booked you under mad, passionate midlife crisis fling with a guy my family and friends would disapprove of. That's scheduled for March 2019 - February 2020. But if you say anything dumb between now and then that renders you unattractive, I'll have to replace you. It'd be tough to vet a sub at this late a date. I don't know the meaning of the word dumb ... tough, but not impossible.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-10 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-10 Pub. Date: 2018-04-10
Image Number: 170357
Caption: I had my shirt on backward all day. Why didn't you tell me?! I was too busy being impressed, little buddy. You were defying social norms. Walking to the beat of your own drummer. Soaring to the flapping of your own wings. When I see a man with his short on backward, I don't correct him. I applaud him. How about when you see a woman with her shirt on backward? I applaud her too, even though there's an increased risk of misunderstanding-related slappage.
     
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