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Rudy Park

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161. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-23 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-23 Pub. Date: 2018-02-23
Image Number: 168670
Caption: No offense, but I'm eternally grateful to know that you stand no chance of ever passing on your genes. That's where you're wrong. I pass on my jeans at least once a year. What do you think Craigslist was invented for? Craigslist? Yeah. Whenever I get bored, I go on there and pass on my jeans. Sometimes I don't even charge anything. Tell me you're not saying what I think you're saying. I'm saying that site is full of people who'd like to get into my pants.
     
162. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-18 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-18 Pub. Date: 2018-02-18
Image Number: 168052
Caption: When I was a youth, I dreamt of becoming a gangsta rapper who'd someday go legit and found a major record label and sell it for billions to Apple. Dr. Noodle. I never did it, though. I didn't know that career path was really possible. But then Dr. Dre cam along and he did it. That's an awfully specific dream you had. And then there was my Russian dream. I always dreamt of striking out in real estate, then catching the eye of Russian mobsters and foreign banks who'd bail me out if I agreed to launder tons of loot for them ... and then maybe I'd run for high office so I could repay the bank by giving so I could repay the bank by giving it a waiver exempting it from paying some huge fine, and maybe I'd be able to use my office to repay the mafia somehow too. Y'know ... sometimes when we're jealous, we rewrite history and actually believe I thought of that first. Oh, no, I've been laundering money for year -- wait this whole thing is confidential right?
     
163. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-14 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-14 Pub. Date: 2018-02-14
Image Number: 168443
Caption: I just can't anymore. There is no can't, little buddy. We can do anything we set our mints to unless we give up. When you say I can't, what I hear is I won't. Now there are photos of Richard Dreyfuss groping fans behinds and nether regions. Do you think it's too soon to tweet some Close Encounters of the Fourth Kind jokes. You can't.
     
164. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-13 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-13 Pub. Date: 2018-02-13
Image Number: 168442
Caption: You wanted to see me, boss? It's come to my attention Youtube demonetizes your videos … and that you're considering asking our patrons to subscribe to your channel so you'll meet the new Youtube threshold for monetization. Obviously, I cannot allow you to do this minion. Soliciting favors from patrons is highly unethical. Wait ... all I did was make a note of the idea on my phone. How did you know I was considering it? That's beside the point.
     
165. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-07 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-07 Pub. Date: 2018-02-07
Image Number: 168188
Caption: Boss, North Korea's dictator just tweeted that he's considering launching nuclear missiles. He released a map of targets. The map shows that every part of the country will either be destroyed or irradiated. Except for this café. There are like 80 people out there with sleeping bags already. Did you rename the scones Survival Biscuits as I instructed? And did you know six-year-old geniuses will hack a head of state's Twitter account in return for a single bag of Doritos? Very bad man.
     
166. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-06 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-06 Pub. Date: 2018-02-06
Image Number: 168187
Caption: I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy. Which part do you miss most? Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what tv shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission? Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors.
     
167. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-04 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-04 Pub. Date: 2018-02-04
Image Number: 167390
Caption: I've been thinking about how out of control things have gotten, minion. This won't end well. This is a land of immigrants. But the republic elected a leader who says things like "Why are we having all these people from censored countries come here?" … A president who says we need more people form countries like Norway. Who said "Why do we need more Haitians? Take them out." ... A guy who said some of the white supremacists with torches in Charlottesville were very fine people." A guy who tweeted an image during his campaign that suggested the vast majority of white murder victims are killed by black people, when in reality they're mostly killed by white people. A guy who shouts about every single instance of Muslim terrorism, but was totally silent when the DOJ charged a white supremacist with terrorism ... but he's good on taxes for the 1%, so it evens out ... Get back to work, lackey, my gold coins won't polish themselves. Wait ... you were serious about that?
     
168. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-01 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-01 Pub. Date: 2018-02-01
Image Number: 167932
Caption: Rudy, it's come to my attention you've spilled 348 gallons of coffee and tea. What? I did not! I'm talking over the course of the last 16 years. Don't bother denying it, every time you've spilled a drop, Gunther measured it. Gunther? Who's Gunther? That's what I named him. He came here on a low-skilled work visa. He's been working under the floorboards ever since it expired. Very bad man.
     
169. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-30 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-30 Pub. Date: 2018-01-30
Image Number: 167930
Caption: You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! Government shutdowns. My girlfriend was angry I didn't send her a birthday card. So I said, I did! But the government shut down so the post office isn't delivering mail, babe. Guess what she said? The post office is funded by our stamps! It doesn't shut down, you horrible cretin! Yeah ... that is what she said. How'd you know? Next caller!
     
170. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-29 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-29 Pub. Date: 2018-01-29
Image Number: 167929
Caption: What's wrong, little buddy? My phone. I registered a new domain name the other day, but I didn't want to pay the extra $5 to make the ownership private. Ever since, people have been calling my cell every five minutes trying to sell me stuff. That's so slimy! What domain name did you register? Eploitrr.com. I registered that so I could sell stuff to people who mistyped while they were trying to reach exploiterr.com. Nothing like a good, honest living.
     
171. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-25 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-25 Pub. Date: 2018-01-25
Image Number: 167659
Caption: Rudy, it's come to my attention you were talking to patrons about "Star Wars" again. I don't think so … I did talk about Star Trek. Oh … I see. I love Star Trek. I'm not ashamed to admit that I've looked up to its main characters my whole life. Really? Which ones, Kirk? Spock? Picard? Data? Sisko? Who? No, I mean the Ferengi. The most greedy businessmen in the galaxy. In a whole galaxy of Communists, they kept the predatory capitalist torch burning. Unsung heroes. Very bad man.
     
172. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-23 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-23 Pub. Date: 2018-01-23
Image Number: 167657
Caption: Today on the Ask Sadie Show, we'll be addressing one single topic: Mia Love. Specifically, we'll talk about how this Republican congresswoman of Haitian descent got so upset about President Trump asking why do we need more Haitian immigrants. Where was her outrage back when the president went after Mexicans, or Muslims, or when he stood with the tiki-torch-wielding white supremacist thugs in Charlottesville? Selective outrage is for ninnies! I like a person who's outraged all the time about everything! I'll take your stupid calls now!
     
173. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-20 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-20 Pub. Date: 2018-01-20
Image Number: 167382
Caption: Sadie, I keep hearing all this talk about how the president might be literally insane. It's making me feel anxious. Sometimes I wonder if this is how the British felt when King George III went crazy and lost America. Or is it more like how the Romans felt when Caligula made his horse a senator? That reminds me: Did you get to ride Caligula's horse, or were you too old for that? Before I answer that, let me show you what the Romans did to losers in the old days ...
     
174. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-19 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-19 Pub. Date: 2018-01-19
Image Number: 167381
Caption: You're here early, minion. I appreciate the dedication you're showing. Thanks, boss. I've adjusted your work schedule accordingly. What do you mean? There's no reason why you have to show up for work at 5 a.m. every day now that I know you're capable of showing up at 4 a.m. I also noticed you took only one bathroom break yesterday, so ... Very Bad Man.
     
175. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-18 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-18 Pub. Date: 2018-01-18
Image Number: 167380
Caption: Ask Sadie Advice Hour, what's your problem?! Jonathan Frakes. I was rewatching old Star Trek: The Next Generation episodes starring Riker, and Stop it right there!!! There was only one thing redeemable about Star Trek, and that was when that lovely Mr. Shatner would tear his shirt, revealing his golden, glistening pectorals. Did this Riker ever do that? I don't think he - Next caller!!
     
176. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-10 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-10 Pub. Date: 2018-01-10
Image Number: 167106
Caption: Boss, what if I told you I forgot to lock up last night and someone totally robbed us blind? I'd say now problem because of your contract. My contract? It allows me to auction off your less vital internal organs to recover any damages you cause me. You really should read the fine print before you sign papers, minion. I did. But I wrote in finer print that all fine print is null and void. Only the ruling class can use fine print, minion.
     
177. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-09 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-09 Pub. Date: 2018-01-09
Image Number: 167105
Caption: What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? I've been talking to … um … Tina for three whole weeks … Do you think it's too early to try and get her to move out her near me? Excellent question. The answer is, we're all barreling full-steam toward death and incontinence. So seize the moment!!! that's both depressing and uplifting at the same time.
     
178. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-07 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-07 Pub. Date: 2018-01-07
Image Number: 166399
Caption: That's not going to work. I don’t know what you mean, Randy. That guy over there is taking pictures of the café, probably to post on Yelp. Really? I hadn't noticed. You're standing several feet closer to him than I am so that you'll appear to be larger than me. Same trick they did in the Lord of the Rings films to make Gandalf appear to be much larger than the hobbits. Nonsense, I resent that accusation. I'm standing right in front of you. So ... what can I get you, Randy? I am not slowly inching to my left. You're right. You're quickly inching to your left. Thank you for admitting I'm right.
     
179. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-03 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-03 Pub. Date: 2018-01-03
Image Number: 166787
Caption: You asked to see me, boss? Yes, Rudy. We have a serious problem here. I'm going to need you to stop humming the 'Star Wars' theme 24/7. Disney is notoriously litigious. If they catch wind that your publicly performing the theme, they may sue the café for royalties. Daaaa ... daaaa ... duh-duh-duh ... daaaaaaa ... daaaa ... duh-duh-duh ... Wait, what? If you cost me my livelihood, I'll do to you what Han did to that Tauntaun.
     
180. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-30 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-30 Pub. Date: 2017-12-30
Image Number: 166544
Caption: John Barth wrote "Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story." That he did, little buddy. But what if a person spends most of his life watching tv, films, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, etc? What if my -- I mean, this person's -- life story is watching other people's life stories? Does that make other people the hero of this person's story? Sometimes I don't know where I end and Kanye begins. That'd be somewhere around Kim Kardashian.
     
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