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Rudy Park

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121. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-07-11 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-07-11 Pub. Date: 2018-07-11
Image Number: 172761
Caption: Open it for me. For $5. I've asked you to do the honor of opening the envelope that says whether I've won the award for Most Obnoxious Talk Show Host and you're going to charge me?! I am duly impressed. YOU @#$% CHEAPSTAKE!!! You have to have won.
     
122. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-07-08 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-07-08 Pub. Date: 2018-07-08
Image Number: 172381
Caption: Halt! What? What'd I do? Did you order a non-fat latte? Yeah, so? Then you poured in a heap of half-and-half. Well, I … You're lying to yourself. You fashion yourself a heart-healthy consumer then give in to your debased nutritional habits and tastes. you probably hate big government but like pork projects in your district or favor states' rights but want courts to ban gay marriage at the federal level. What? Coffee habits as prism into a moral hypocrisy!!! Plus, that drink just sounds like it tastes terrible. I absolutely need a huge dollop of sugar.
     
123. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-07-08 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-07-08 Pub. Date: 2018-07-08
Image Number: 172758
Caption: HALT! What? What'd I do? Did you order a non-fat latte? Yeah. So? Then you poured in a heap of half-and half. Well, I - You're lying to protect yourself. You fashion yourself a heart-healthy consumer then give in to your debased nutritional habits and tastes. You probably hate big government but like pork projects in your district or favor states' rights but want courts to ban gay marriage at the federal level. What? COFFEE HABITS AS PRISM INTO MORAL HYPOCRISY!!! Plus, that drink just sounds like it tastes terrible. I absolutely need a huge dollop of sugar.
     
124. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-06-28 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-06-28 Pub. Date: 2018-06-28
Image Number: 172519
Caption: What do you think of my idea for non-violent protests of Arizona's onerous immigration laws? Outdated. But - This is the era of MMA - Martial Arts Brawls, pay-per-view battles to submission. If you're mad at Arizona, challenge it to a cage match until one of the other of you breaks your forearm!!! Know your audience. I'll pay $16 to watch you wrestle Arizona's governor.
     
125. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-06-24 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-06-24 Pub. Date: 2018-06-24
Image Number: 172094
Caption: A word, filthbag. What'd I do? Confess and I'll make it easy on you! Honestly, snookums, I've no idea what you're talking about. I ate the last lemon cookie! That's it? Yeah. I'm sorry. Wait, what'd you mean: that's it? You don’t have something in mind? My ambiguous accusatory voice and glower usually turns up more than that. I'll ramp it up tomorrow, love bug. Okay, snookums. Judge ye not what works for others.
     
126. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-06-22 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-06-22 Pub. Date: 2018-06-22
Image Number: 172386
Caption: I love your blouse. Where'd you get it? Wait a second. You're stalling. You're holding up the line. You're … you're that woman who did this last year downtown! Too late. I've been standing here 2 hours and 12 minutes! What? Personal record! Bite me, suckers! Save me, FedEx.
     
127. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-06-21 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-06-21 Pub. Date: 2018-06-21
Image Number: 172385
Caption: I can't decide whether to send my grandson these homemade brownies overnight certified or two-day ground. Move it, lady! I'm sorry, sir. I don't mean to be a pain. I just want to do right by my darling grandkids. Forgive me, I'm an old lady. There there. Take your time. I'm gonna set a personal record. Your grandkids hate you!
     
128. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-06-18 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-06-18 Pub. Date: 2018-06-18
Image Number: 172382
Caption: Quadruple shot and four donuts. Are you serious? I'm going to the post office. Oh no. Not again. Yep. And I'm going to set a personal record. I beg you not to do this. Throw in a red bull. I cannot be party to this! To what? Stay tuned for madness …
     
129. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-06-05 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-06-05 Pub. Date: 2018-06-05
Image Number: 172096
Caption: Did you feel the earth shake last night, Rosencrantz? I did, Tyrone. But to be honest, I don't know if I really felt it or if I only now believe I felt it because your query planted the thought in my brain. Nonsense. You are you own person. You thoughts are your own. I could never substitute my will for your own. You're right. I stand corrected.
     
130. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-06-02 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-06-02 Pub. Date: 2018-06-02
Image Number: 171962
Caption: I laugh at those who deem it insane when a man talks to himself, Rosencrantz … for we do not perceive reality. Instead, reality is transmitted through our sensory nodes, converted into electrical impulses, and transmitted across our synapses … whereupon our brains piece the impulses together and form an approximation of reality. Don't you see? Every person I've ever spoken with has been just a voice inside my head. Whatever, Tyrone. It's till creepy when you sing yourself to sleep.
     
131. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-30 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-30 Pub. Date: 2018-05-30
Image Number: 171959
Caption: I've been playing around with deep fake technology. I took photos of everyone who ever bullied me … and I mapped them onto the little Sims in Simcity. Well, that's only the second most disturbing thing I've heard people doing with that tech. Every time they try to go home, I demolish their homes. Then they drive around in circles wondering what happened. HOJ. You don't think that's strange, do you? I don't judge.
     
132. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-29 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-29 Pub. Date: 2018-05-29
Image Number: 171958
Caption: I did some research. I read the respected New England Journal of Astrophysics, and it looks like you're right … Gamma ray bursts have to come from pretty close by in order to fry all life on earth. So we won't die. Their calculations showed that the worst a gamma ray burst could do is turn us green and make us very, very angry. Might want to doublecheck to make sure you weren't reading their April 1st edition. It's not all bad. They found it may also boost stamina and strength.
     
133. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-26 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-26 Pub. Date: 2018-05-26
Image Number: 171811
Caption: You short-changed me when I paid for my drink last week. Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. You gave me change for $10, but I know I gave you more than a ten-dollar bill. Sorry about that. How much did you give me? I distinctly remember I had nothing but $1,000 bills in my wallet. Not falling for it.
     
134. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-16 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-16 Pub. Date: 2018-05-16
Image Number: 171509
Caption: You'll never guess what happened, Randy. What's that? The cryptocurrency I created exploded last night. People are mining and trading like crazy. There are only 100 million Rudycoing in existence, and once they're gone, they're gone. Guess what I did? I bought you 1,000 of them before the public caught wind of it. Now you 1,000 coins are worth $15,000 each. I have not idea what any of that means, but it sounds like you're single-handedly destroying the whole world's economy. Once Rudycoins are all taken, I'm going to start Flippercoin. It's names after my goldfish.
     
135. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-13 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-13 Pub. Date: 2018-05-13
Image Number: 170941
Caption: I'm sorry, we're all out of mocha. Want something else? Yes, I want you to run to Starbucks and get me a mocha. I'm … what? Sorry, I can't do that. You have to. Or I'll sue. I saw your menu from the sidewalk. I'm not following. If your menu is viewable from the sidewalk, it's considered advertising. If you advertise a product but you don't have it in stock and you don't cross it out, that's false advertising. And that's a crime. So what's it going to be? Are you going to run down to Starbucks or do you want me to bring the wrath of the entire judicial system down upon you? I'm not sure any of that is true. But I could use the fresh air. While you're there, would you be a poodle and get me a cheese danish?
     
136. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-12 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-12 Pub. Date: 2018-05-12
Image Number: 171300
Caption: What's your question for Ask Sadie? Who do you thin has the best fries? McDonald's or Arby's? That depends. Which one is still fried in cattle grease? I know one or the other of them caved in to the anti-clogged-arteryists and switched to vegetable oil years ago. Health-fetishists ruin everything! Health isn't bad. Health is like everything else, too much of it is unhealthy!
     
137. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-09 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-09 Pub. Date: 2018-05-09
Image Number: 171297
Caption: Ask Sadie Advice Hour, what's your problem?! NASA. I just read an article about how NASA canceled yet another moon mission. What are they hiding??? Excellent question. As you all know, I was an astronaut on the top-secret final Apollo mission back in 1973. Did you realize Apollo fro Battlestar Galactica was played by the lovely, departed Richard Hatch? I once worked soldering hatches on nuclear submarines. Wait ... are you trying to chance the subject? Submarine sandwiches, contrary to popular misconception, are not actually meant to be eaten under water. Coverup!!!
     
138. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-08 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-08 Pub. Date: 2018-05-08
Image Number: 171296
Caption: I'm not convinced that the pyramids of Giza were built as tombs. Sure they were used as tombs, but for all we know, they were built far earlier by some other civilization, and the pharaohs just claimed credit for them. How do we know the pyramids weren't something far more high-tech, like for instance hydroelectric power generators for an advanced civilization? You tell me, how did you charge your cellphone back in 10,000 B.C.? Hydropower from the tears of dorks, here, let me show you ...
     
139. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-06 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-06 Pub. Date: 2018-05-06
Image Number: 170676
Caption: One peppermint shake, two straws. Oh no. We're back together again. In fact, make that just one straw. We'll share it. I don't want anything to separate us ever again. Two. What are you trying to do, sugar-puss, give me the mouth-herpes you caught form that Sheila? I told you, daffodil-bottom, that wasn't mouth-herpes, it was just a sore where I'd accidentally bitten my lip. And I would never have even been with Sheila if you hadn't just ditched me for that hobo. Biff Manly is a sailor who lives in a houseboat. He's not a hobo ... dear. Do you have any drinks that taste like the high seas? Leave me out of this! I see you've got a drink called The Sheila. We'll. Have. That.
     
140. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-05 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-05 Pub. Date: 2018-05-05
Image Number: 171063
Caption: Boss? I was cleaning out the bunker like you said to, when I stumbled across blueprints for an O'Neill cylinder. You're imagining things, minion. The front page was a to-do list: Step five was herd genetically modified people onto orbital O'Neill cylinder. Step four was slip fattener into coffee. Step three was become minister of cafes. Step two: Elect Trump. Relax, it's just a short story I wrote in the '80s when I was a hatchling - I mean when I was a kid. Step one was assume identity of original Armstrong Maynard.
     
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