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Rudy Park

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481. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-24 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-24 Pub. Date: 2015-09-24
Image Number: 132891
Caption: What was dating like in your day, Mort? Very, very confusing. Women only talked about things they thought I was interested in. They never showed affection publicly because they thought it would embarrass me. For some reason, they made a point of never telling me any stories in which they had fun with other people. I always knew less about a lady at the end of a date than I did at the beginning. I don't get it. The you'd have fit right in.
     
482. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-23 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-23 Pub. Date: 2015-09-23
Image Number: 132890
Caption: Boss, I think I found the perfect woman for you. She's quick-witted and beautiful! She's waiting to meet you. Are you insane? What kind of amateurish operation do you think we're running here? A candidate for any position I offer has to go through three rounds of interviews. If the candidate impresses my underlings, then the candidate gets to have an audience with me. The 1% date differently than the rest of us. What's her FICO score?
     
483. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-21 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-21 Pub. Date: 2015-09-21
Image Number: 132888
Caption: How do I find true love, Randy? You really want my advice? Of course. I'm not getting any younger. My business empire is performing beyond expectations … so I figure now would be a good time to expand my portfolio and acquire a love interest. I don’t think you're ready for my advice on that. I expect at least a 120% return on my affection.
     
484. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-19 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-19 Pub. Date: 2015-09-19
Image Number: 132595
Caption: Boss, part of the ceiling just caved in. Excellent. Raise all prices by ten percent right away, minion. Studies show patrons are willing to pay a premium to eat in a café that has a patio. Oh, I almost forgot. Did anyone get hurt? Very bad man.
     
485. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-17 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-17 Pub. Date: 2015-09-17
Image Number: 132593
Caption: What's the best way to groom a neck-beard? Um … I'm … why on earth would you … HOJ. The huge hipster lumberjack beard craze is two years old. It'll end soon, and then every hipster will be looking for the next big trend to follow. I could get in on the ground floor of it this time if I'm the first to groom it well and Instagram it. With the right 'do, my neck beard can go viral. That sentence makes me very uncomfortable.
     
486. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-16 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-16 Pub. Date: 2015-09-16
Image Number: 132592
Caption: Armstrong, why did you fire me? I need to know. Gross incompetence. You used the café's line of credit to buy and ad on the "Ask Sadie" show. Business plummeted by 100% the very next day. We were closed the very next day. I could hire you back, but it would mean a new contract and less pay. Very bad man. Your new contract requires you to provide me with health insurance.
     
487. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-13 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-13 Pub. Date: 2015-09-13
Image Number: 131663
Caption: Rudy, we're going to have to cut expenses. We already did that, boss. I don't think you're clear on the concept, minion. It's a way of life. Did you read one book and then never read again? Did you listen to one song and then never listen to another again? Did you kiss someone once and then never again? Cutting expenses isn't something you do just once. A good businessman cuts expenses constantly. Whether he needs to or not. You trim the fat. When you run out of fat, you trim the nerves and the muscle. When you run out of that, you start slicing every last molecule of bone you can. The goal is to see if you can maximize your profits while running on pure marrow. That, my minion, is the holy grail. I call it The Tao of Armstrong. Armstrong Maynard. If I can ever figure out how to cut the marrow, I will have touched the face of god. Everyone has their own religion.
     
488. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-07 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-07 Pub. Date: 2015-09-07
Image Number: 132284
Caption: Boss, remember when you said you'd consider giving me a raise if I were to show initiative? No. I used the café's line of credit to buy ads on a national broadcast. You did what? If the ad increases business, do I get a raise? Maybe. What channel's it on? Fox? NBC? Today's "Ask Sadie Radio Show" is brought to you by the worst excuse for a cafe in America.
     
489. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-05 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-05 Pub. Date: 2015-09-05
Image Number: 131972
Caption: There was a fly in my soup. I'd like a refund. Ok. Where's the soup? I threw it away already. Why do you need to see the soup? You don't trust me? I'm deeply offended! Sorry. Give me the receipt and I'll get your refund. The fly ate the receipt.
     
490. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-04 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-04 Pub. Date: 2015-09-04
Image Number: 131971
Caption: Does your soy latte use soybeans grown in the US or in East Asia? Why do you ask? Over 90% of American soybeans are genetically modified and sprayed with herbicide. They may cause hormonal changes, especially in men. Loss of sexual desire, development of feminine-looking breasts ... I figure lattes are cheaper than hormone replacement therapy. The economy's still not great.
     
491. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-01 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-01 Pub. Date: 2015-09-01
Image Number: 131968
Caption: That Chinese stock market crash really wrecked our own market. Did you lose big when the market tanked? On the contrary. Let's say a café owner accidentally sold 12 50% stakes in his café to 12 different people. Let's say he knew it was just a matter of time before that misunderstanding landed him in jail ... unless those investors panicked and sold back the stock at an absurdly low price to the cafe owner ... and let's say the cafe owner had a few corrupt officials in China who owed him a massive favor. Wait ... you're not saying that you are responsible for the global stock market crash ... That's right. I'm not saying it.
     
492. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-31 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-31 Pub. Date: 2015-08-31
Image Number: 131967
Caption: How much did you lose when the stock market tanked last week, Randy? Nada, little buddy. A real man never invests in other people's businesses, he only invests in his own. If you lose on stocks, it's because you didn't research them enough. If you lose on your own business, it's because you gave it your all and it just didn't work out. Ladies see valiant failure as being way hotter than poor-research failure. That's from chapter 12 of my new book, "Randy 'The Rock' Taylor's guide to manvesting." I'll take a copy.
     
493. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-30 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-30 Pub. Date: 2015-08-30
Image Number: 131015
Caption: What as it you wanted to talk about, minion? Beep. The carbon monoxide detector is beeping every five seconds. Beep. Oh, that. Nothing (beep) to worry about. It was a second-hand unit I found in the dumpster behind Arby's. Beep. What? Why would you do that? Beep. The town council passed a law mandating the placement of (beep) CO² detectors. Beep. They (beep) didn't say they had to be new CO² detectors. I'm 25% sure it's beeping because the battery backup needs to be replaced. Nothing to worry about. Beep. Beep. But what if you're wrong? Shouldn't we maybe evacuate the (beep) cafe and call 911? Are you crazy? Beep. That would just panic everyone (beep) for no good reason and cost me hundreds of dollars in lost sales. Beep. I'm telling you, all it needs is new batteries. Go down to the basement and fetch some. Beep. Also, while you're down (beep) there, bring up my emergency oxygen mask. For no reason in particular. Beep. Very bad man. Beep.
     
494. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-28 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-28 Pub. Date: 2015-08-28
Image Number: 131661
Caption: What's that? It's called a "book." It's what normal people read in pursuit of wisdom, education or titillating escapism. It doesn't light up, or beep, or do any of the dumb things you kids today seem to need. That's kind of harsh. No, that's the title of my memoirs. I've been published! ... Care to hear the subtitle?
     
495. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-27 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-27 Pub. Date: 2015-08-27
Image Number: 131660
Caption: Welcome back to the Ask Sadie Show. You're on Vancouver. Hey, when are you going to do a show on Canadian politics? There's a whole queue of drama and intrigue up here too, eh? Just the other day there was a bit of tumult about the Tories pursuing an omnibus bill out of turn. Zzzzzzzzz. Unless there's bitter animosity, hatred and bunched underpants, it's not politics! Well, some of us were a bit miffed.
     
496. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-25 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-25 Pub. Date: 2015-08-25
Image Number: 131658
Caption: Are you telling me you can see everything I do on Facebook? Yeah. You need to change your privacy settings, little Rudy-Pootie. I never should've friended my mother. She comments on every single thing you post. What's up with that?
     
497. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-24 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-24 Pub. Date: 2015-08-24
Image Number: 131657
Caption: Not cool, little buddy. Not cool. What're you talking about? Someone on Facebook posted a video of themselves making out with a ham sandwich … and you "liked" it. What? How did you know that?! We're Facebook friends. Every time you "like" something, it shows up in my newsfeed. But I thought you could only see my "like" if you've watched the video too. No ... No, I don't think so.
     
498. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-23 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-23 Pub. Date: 2015-08-23
Image Number: 130664
Caption: What's the first thing you remember? Why do you ask? Because it'll help the cosmologists. Come again? Cosmologists have discovered a lot about the universe. In 1990, they discovered cosmic microwaves are "black body radiation." What that means is, they discovered the microwave radiation that fills the universe conforms exactly to a pattern known as a "black body spectrum" that was predicted by models of the big bang. English!!! They proved the big bang happened. But one of the big questions cosmologists still can't answer is: "What came before the big bang?" Cosmologists everywhere would very much love to hear about your earliest memory. Get ready to experience the second big bang!!!
     
499. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-20 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-20 Pub. Date: 2015-08-20
Image Number: 131353
Caption: Do you believe in the multiverse, Randy? Of course, little buddy. I am the ultimate specimen of manhood. The paragon of masculinity. Something like that can't be created on the first attempt. Therefore there must be an infinite number of less ideal Randies out there in parallel universes, who can't get dates. You've put a lot of thought into this. I've submitted Randy's cosmological theorem to all the academic journals.
     
500. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-17 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-17 Pub. Date: 2015-08-17
Image Number: 131350
Caption: Hi, this is Hillary Clinton. Can we make this quick? I'm hoping for a call from Bernie Sanders. I'm just calling to remind you I'm running for president. Do you know Bernie? What's he like? Yes, I know Ber … Anyway, I'm calling to tell you a little more about me, American citizen, so you can get to know your next president as a human being. House of Java.net Cybercafe. My mother's name was Dorothy, for instance. Did Dorothy know Bernie Sanders? What'd she think of him? Good guy, right?
     
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