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Rudy Park

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381. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-27 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-27 Pub. Date: 2016-06-27
Image Number: 145234
Caption: This is Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? I spent months mocking this guy, and everyone who likes him ended up resenting me for that. But … but now you've developed feelings for him and you want his people to like you? Um … sure … sort of. Well, the last part, anyway. Well, the first thing you do is ... wait ... is this Secretary Clinton?
     
382. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-25 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-25 Pub. Date: 2016-06-25
Image Number: 144914
Caption: You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! I met a lady a while back. We're both stuck in marriages we don't want to be in. We'd rather be together but we don't have the courage to end things. What do you mean "courage"? Ending things isn't "courageous," it's cowardly. Courage means not running from misery, but embracing it, becoming its master, and delivering it upon all those around you with vengeance.
     
383. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-23 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-23 Pub. Date: 2016-06-23
Image Number: 144912
Caption: I guess you're pretty disappointed about Bernie Sanders. Why would I be? He'll win next time. Next time? Do you know how old he is? Yes. I remember being that age. I thought I knew it all. I was so headstrong. I didn't know the meaning of the word "pretendtocompromise." Not sure that's a word, Mort. Now I try to always add "You have a point, but ... " before I castigate someone.
     
384. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-22 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-22 Pub. Date: 2016-06-22
Image Number: 144911
Caption: Armstrong, have you seen my phone? Indeed I have, minion. I've trained the café's rodents to abscond with unattended cellphones, which I then return to patrons, earning their gratitude and loyalty. You did not. No, I didn't. But it's always been a dream of mine. Very bad man. Thank you for the opportunity to role play.
     
385. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-19 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-19 Pub. Date: 2016-06-19
Image Number: 144040
Caption: Give me whatever and make it fast. What? What do you mean? My wife gave me ten minutes of freedom for Father's Day. And I burned through three of those just sprinting over here. We have four children and a fifth one any day now. She's tired in bed so I'm on 24/7 kid duty. I haven't left the house, taken a shower, or gone potty by myself since 2015. My ear hairs are skinny secret babies that whisper to me at night that I may be going insane. So for Father's Day, my loving wife granted me ten fleeting moments of me-time, which I choose to spend buying expensive coffee in a run-down cafe, like I used to do when I was young and single and had all the time in the world. Mom wants to know when you'll be back. Tell the short person I can't hear it for another 5 minutes and 48 seconds! Sometimes I'm glad I can't even get a date.
     
386. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-18 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-18 Pub. Date: 2016-06-18
Image Number: 144579
Caption: Do you think you'll ever get tired of working for the TSA, Randy? Let me see, little buddy … Will I ever get tired of encountering some of the most interesting people in the world … like Beyonce, and Rihanna, and Emilia Clarke, and Amber Heard, and Jennifer Lawrence, and the rest ... and making sure their pat-downs are completely professions yet totally thorough? This is why I never fly anywhere anymore. As long as blood pumps through my veins, I will never tire of this job.
     
387. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-15 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-15 Pub. Date: 2016-06-15
Image Number: 144576
Caption: It's the Ask Sadie Advice hour. "Shmernie" in Vermont, you're on. What's your problem?! House of Java Cybercafe. How do I know when it's time to give up? I've tried so hard to accomplish my goal but just as I think I'm about to make it happen, it gets snatched out from under me. Give it up, "Shmernie"! It's over! This reminds me of the time great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother Cohen's advice show answered a parchment form "Shmoses."
     
388. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-10 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-10 Pub. Date: 2016-06-10
Image Number: 144241
Caption: Hello, nemesis. Give me one of everything. And bill it to you. Why would I do that? Because there's a sign on the wall that reads "The customer is always right." If you don't do as I say, that's false advertising. If you don't pay for what you order, you're not technically a "customer." Stalemate! Not technically.
     
389. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-08 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-08 Pub. Date: 2016-06-08
Image Number: 144239
Caption: Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well … ok, that's a relief. Spit into this and then get back to work.
     
390. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-05 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-05 Pub. Date: 2016-06-05
Image Number: 143454
Caption: Play me that 1980s show "St. Elsewhere," in order, starting with the pilot episode. Processing request … Make it high definition, thought, not that fuzzy old-timey look all those early eighties shows have. And add some music to it that plays constantly. Music that tells me how to feel during the scenes. And instead of the doctors looking tired and overworked, make them always look like they just stepped out of a shower after having a long night's rest. Error: I cannot do any of that. Never mind. Just show me any doctor show from the last ten years or so. Loading ...
     
391. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-02 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-02 Pub. Date: 2016-06-02
Image Number: 143939
Caption: Come in, minion. Did you read that Lemont Brown article from Candorville.com? The one about Delores Park in San Francisco? Apparently you can now reserve a patch of grass for seven hours if you go to the city's website and pay up to $250. If anyone trespasses on your grass, security guards will roust them. This is the biggest breakthrough in the separation of the classes in ages. I'm going to make all our booths and toilets paid-reservation-only. Very bad man.
     
392. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-05-27 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-05-27 Pub. Date: 2016-05-27
Image Number: 143659
Caption: I was about to ask you which era you'd want to live in if you could live in any era of history. What do you mean you were "about" to? Well, the answer is supposed to be playful speculation. But with you, it would be cheating … because you've lived through every era of history. Keep it up and you're not going to live through this one.
     
393. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-05-25 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-05-25 Pub. Date: 2016-05-25
Image Number: 143657
Caption: I've been giving some more thought to your question about in which era in history I'd most like to live. You have? I thought you never change your mind about anything. This is true. Randy's alpha male or female rule number 1: "Make a decision and stick with it even it it's really dumb." HOJ. " ... Appearing indecisive is the kiss of death." But you're forgetting the corollary ... "If you do change your mind, claim you've always believed as you do now." " ... and anyone who thinks otherwise is crazy." Can't believe I forgot that part.
     
394. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-05-23 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-05-23 Pub. Date: 2016-05-23
Image Number: 143655
Caption: Do you ever wish you lived in a different era, Randy? It's safer to keep me where I am. Injecting my advanced virility into more primitive eras could have disastrous effects on the timeline. Well … every waking moment I wish I were living before the beginning of existence itself. So I could witness the big bang. That way I could know for sure whether our universe is all just one big simulation running on some geek's computer. I mean, everything being made up of atoms of math is kind of suspicious. We really should have our own science show.
     
395. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-05-20 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-05-20 Pub. Date: 2016-05-20
Image Number: 143354
Caption: What's your favorite planet, Randy? There is only one answer, little buddy. There is only one planet full of lush, green forests and beautiful, windswept ocean vistas … all of which are natural aphrodisiacs that inspire lovers, philosophers and poets. You know, Pandora is not a real planet. I'm talking about earth, you ... do you ever go outside?
     
396. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-05-17 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-05-17 Pub. Date: 2016-05-17
Image Number: 143351
Caption: We found three sort-of earth-size planets around a nearby star. Do you think any of them have video games? I've been trying to work out the odds of an intelligent species arising and evolving thumbs capable of holding an XBox controller. Proof of video games would change everything. I wonder what the aliens on those planets consider sexy. Living beings creating simulated beings they can smash is the hallmark of an intelligent species.
     
397. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-05-12 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-05-12 Pub. Date: 2016-05-12
Image Number: 143042
Caption: What's your earliest memory, Sadie? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Maybe I can help you figure it out: were people wearing powdered wigs, or were they wearing togas? Did they live in primitive huts or in trees? I'm not listening! Were they standing upright or swimming in primordial sea? You're about to be swimming in primordial soup.
     
398. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-05-09 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-05-09 Pub. Date: 2016-05-09
Image Number: 143039
Caption: I bet you've filled your head with so many tweets and Instagrams that you've crowded out all your actual memories of your own life. Nonsense. I remember way back, all the way to … well let's see … oh, I've got it … My earliest memory was opening an America Online cd, putting it in our old PC, and seeing that symbol. You do realize that was the 1990s don't you? You must have already been in your teens. You are a very sick generation! I get misty-eyed when I think back to "you've got mail!"
     
399. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-05-08 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-05-08 Pub. Date: 2016-05-08
Image Number: 142234
Caption: What can I get you? An explanation for that dumb reason why Batman and Superman stopped fighting at the end of Batman V Superman. Would you like that spoiler-filled or spoiler-free? Spoiler-filled would be lovely, please. Ok. Batman did not stop fighting Superman just because both of their moms were named "Martha." "Martha" was not just a person. In Batman's nightmares, "Martha" had come to represent all that was good about him. When Superman whispered "Martha," it did two things: It forced Batman to see Superman as a person who - even as he was about to die - was only concerned with the safety of his human mother. So maybe he's not the alien monster who needs to die that Batman had thought he was ... And secondly, it reminded Batman of the good that used to be in him. The goodness "Martha" personified. Batman was on the verge of becoming a bad guy. When he swore "Martha will not die tonight," he was not just promising to save Clark's mom. he was promising to save his own soul. That'll be $14.95. Can I also get a side of explaining why Captain America and Iron Man can't just agree to disagree?
     
400. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-05-06 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-05-06 Pub. Date: 2016-05-06
Image Number: 142740
Caption: Wanna come over and watch the big game? No can do, little buddy. Baseball is a gentleman's sport where they tap a tiny ball and then trot around. I don't consider any game a "big game" unless there's a chance one player could accidentally squeeze another player's spine out of his nose like toothpaste from a tube. Beach volleyball is also watchable. I was actually talking about the new "Pac-Man Vs. Superman" X-Box game.
     
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