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Rudy Park

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361. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-09-29 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-09-29 Pub. Date: 2016-09-29
Image Number: 149040
Caption: Who was president when you were born, Sadie? Did he wear a top hat, or was it a powdered wig? Did he wear knickers, or were they stockings? Very funny. You know what's even funnier? You probably couldn't name who was president when you were born even if your life depended on it. Without Googling it, I mean. Did your president wear wooden teeth? You're stalling and I see your thumbs tapping.
     
362. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-09-27 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-09-27 Pub. Date: 2016-09-27
Image Number: 149038
Caption: Do you think glasses make people look smarter? That depends, little buddy. The glasses must be small, to give you the illusion of a larger noggin. The rims must be thick enough to hide any dullard-like facial expressions, to create the illusion of perceptivity. And lastly, one must never speak, lest we say something dumb and ruin the illusions. What if I also wore a big bushy mustache to muffle my words?
     
363. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-09-26 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-09-26 Pub. Date: 2016-09-26
Image Number: 149037
Caption: Three years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie â„¢ Show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Dear Crabby Lady, Why don't you do like everyone else does and do something totally our of character for you. Like ride a Harley. Or adopt an orphan from an impoverished land ... or like being NICE for once. That last one would totally weird everybody out. "Sincerely," Arnold S. Cleveland. Ok, rather than say what I really want to say, I'll be "nice" and just tell you you really put the "vice" in "advice." Advise Sadie at asksadie@rudypark.com
     
364. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-09-18 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-09-18 Pub. Date: 2016-09-18
Image Number: 147784
Caption: Welcome to the Ask Sadie Radio Advice Hour. You're on Vancouver. It's my boyfriend. He's so distant. No emotionally … Emotionally it's like we're in the very same room, on the very same chair … in the same pair of pants, actually … we're close, is what I'm saying. But he lives so far away. Thousands of miles. And neither one of us can just pick up and move. We both have ties. Responsibilities. There's only one piece of advice I can give you ... Sock puppets. What you do is, you scrawl your lover's likeness onto the sock puppet. Then. whenever you feel heartache, slip it onto your fist ... and pummel yourself in the face for ever starting a stupid long-distance romance in the first place. Um ... thank you?
     
365. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-09-17 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-09-17 Pub. Date: 2016-09-17
Image Number: 148490
Caption: Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?
     
366. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-09-09 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-09-09 Pub. Date: 2016-09-09
Image Number: 148230
Caption: I met a girl last night. It went well. Do tell. We saw each other through a crowd. I winked at her. She winked back. If all goes well, we may get to second base tonight. Second base? We may exchange smiley emoticons instead of just hitting "wink." Are you sure you're ready for that?
     
367. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-09-04 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-09-04 Pub. Date: 2016-09-04
Image Number: 147195
Caption: Today's man lesson is "The Art of Promising." I'm ready. Part one: Never … promise … anything. Wait … What do you mean? Pretend you're the lady, ask me to promise you something. Ok … (ahem) … Promise me you won't ever even look at another woman? A man would have to be crazy to look at another woman when he could be looking at the most beautiful woman in the world. And I'm not crazy. Notice, if you will, not only is there a complete absence of a promise ... there are also at least four iron-clad loopholes built in. Can you identify them? This is worse than math to me.
     
368. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-09-02 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-09-02 Pub. Date: 2016-09-02
Image Number: 147935
Caption: Armstrong, do you remember the first girl you ever kissed? Of course I do, minion. Here, let me call it up … Ah, yes. Little Alice Chang, of 847 Wickerwood Lane. I have her preosculation agreement right here, dated 1-3-1979. Her what? It's like a prenup. It specifies that a kiss does not constitute an official "relationship." My lawyer went to town on her when she later demanded half my Twinkies. Very bad man.
     
369. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-09-01 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-09-01 Pub. Date: 2016-09-01
Image Number: 147934
Caption: I bet you're so used to using Google instead of your own memory that you've forgotten much of your own life. That's nonsense. Oh yeah? Tell me, then: Who was the first girl you ever kissed? That's easy, it was … um … wait, it'll come to me … What did you want to be when you were little? Who were you named after? What's your blood type? What did you have for breakfast? Joke's on you, I didn't even have breakfast ... Wait ... Did I?
     
370. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-30 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-30 Pub. Date: 2016-08-30
Image Number: 147932
Caption: I don't want to choose between the lesser of two evils, Randy. Me neither, little buddy. That's why I'm not voting for either Clinton or Trump. I'm going to vote for the only American who has yet to disappoint me. I'm voting for Pocahontas. Just don't tell me anything about her that'll make me think she's a bad choice too. Did you know "Pocahontas" was a nickname that meant "spoiled child"? I'm voting for Paul Bunyan.
     
371. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-28 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-28 Pub. Date: 2016-08-28
Image Number: 146881
Caption: I'm tired of working, Randy. One of my ancestors put it best. It was the early days of the Roman republic. Randius Taylorus Maximus was a soldier in the Roman phalanx. That bored him to death. All the clumsy formations, all the cumbersome gear, all the losing ... so he deserted and joined up with the Spartans. That's where he stopped "working" for a living, and got to do what he loved. He got to oil up and go into battle half-naked, with nothing but his shield, his sword and his loincloth. Years later, he adventured across the world on the back of Tito, the last living woolly mammoth. That's when he met Buddha, who took credit for Randius' motto: "Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life." I just meant I felt like taking a nap.
     
372. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-25 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-25 Pub. Date: 2016-08-25
Image Number: 147677
Caption: I've realized something: It's likely that there's only one way for mankind to reach the stars in our lifetimes. Do tell. Scientists believe we'll be able to upload our minds in just 30 years. That means NASA could upload everyone's mind to a robot, and launch it into space. We wouldn't need life support. We wouldn't be affected by radiation or anything. We could even sleep for the 100 years or so it took to get to the nearest star. Then that robot could build more robots and download our minds to them. But we wouldn't have private parts. Mankind isn't mankind if it doesn't have privates. I think that's one for the philosophers.
     
373. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-19 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-19 Pub. Date: 2016-08-19
Image Number: 147401
Caption: Sorry, Rudy, no way can I raise your pay to $15 an hour. Why not? 'Cause that would destroy jobs. What would you do for a job once I moved the café to somewhere where people earn much less? If people earn much less, they won't be able to afford your products. Sweet, innocent Rudy. If there's one thing people love more than affording to buy stuff, it's buying stuff they can't afford.
     
374. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-17 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-17 Pub. Date: 2016-08-17
Image Number: 147399
Caption: Rudy, I went out on a date last night. It was a miserable failure. Sorry. As my employee, you've seen me day in and day out. You know me better than anyone. Rudy, do I, your boss and sole source of income, have some personality flaw? Or did the fault lie entirely with my date? Feel free to speak candidly. Mother.
     
375. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-15 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-15 Pub. Date: 2016-08-15
Image Number: 147397
Caption: I just audited our books. Your register came up five cents short, Rudy. It did? Oops. "Oops" is right. I'll have to take that our of your pocket. Whatever. That's fine with me. Since it happened in 2001, that comes out to $298 when you factor in compound interest and opportunity cost. Very bad man.
     
376. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-10 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-10 Pub. Date: 2016-08-10
Image Number: 147085
Caption: Armstrong, you're the cheapest cheapskate on earth. Not yet, but a man can dream. This toothache is killing me but I have no money and no insurance. Do you know where I can find a really cheap dentist? Of course. I can give you my guy's name. He works for peanuts. I'll get a pen. You'll also need a passport and lots of penicillin.
     
377. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-06 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-06 Pub. Date: 2016-08-06
Image Number: 146705
Caption: Rudy, stop thinking about it. About what? About how if the Dark Ages had never happened, we'd be so much more technologically advanced by now. Instead of poking acks on your me-phone, you'd have a chip implanted up your whatsits that'd let you do anything you could imagine. My phone says without the Dark Ages, we'd have had no Renaissance - so you science-haters are responsible for my me-phone. Stalemate.
     
378. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-03 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-03 Pub. Date: 2016-08-03
Image Number: 146702
Caption: I just need exactly 30 minutes to go to a funeral. Exactly? That's how long it'll take me to march to the archipelago where Bajor was and light a dragon on fire in Bajor's honor. I hope you're going to tell me you're talking about some video game … because paying for your mental health care would violate my religious beliefs, and the supreme court said I don't have to do that. I dressed my pikemen in black.
     
379. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-07-29 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-07-29 Pub. Date: 2016-07-29
Image Number: 146486
Caption: I'm really upset about Hillary Clinton's vice presidential pick. I was hoping she'd pick someone who's really exciting. Like Donald Trump. Imagine if she chose Donald Trump as her VP. Hmm … Nobody's ever done anything like that before. She'd win all her own voters, plus any Trump voters who aren't paying enough attention when they punch those little holes. She'd have to find someone willing to change his name to "Donald Trump," but Craigslist is full of people who'll do anything. We really should host our own political show.
     
380. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-07-27 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-07-27 Pub. Date: 2016-07-27
Image Number: 146484
Caption: Little buddy, I believe you owe me an apology. How do you figure? You're the one who left me rotting in a jail cell! You were my one phone call! What happened to Randy's Friendship Rule #7: "Friends always bail friends out"?! You're forgetting the corollary: "Unless the friend's in jail for something pathetic, like trespassing while playing Pokémon Go." Apology accepted. A huge biker took it the wrong way when I tried to catch a Pokémon that was hiding under his beard.
     
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