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Rudy Park

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301. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-07 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-07 Pub. Date: 2017-03-07
Image Number: 155392
Caption: I'm tired of being an alt-right internet superstar. It's way too much work now that I've got 48,000 subscribers to my Youtube channel. Since when do you have 48,000 subscribers? Since my debut video detailed how indigenous people from Foreignvania faked the moon landing by using teddy bears and special effects. I developed a unique following that's part racist, part conspiracy-enthusiast, part Photoshop user, and part Care Bear fanatic. Yeah ... I'm tired just listening to that. It's getting tough to craft stories that keep them ALL entertained.
     
302. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-05 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-05 Pub. Date: 2017-03-05
Image Number: 154655
Caption: Who do I speak to if I have a complaint? You meant "with," right? Pardon? If you want to speak "with" someone, that means you're open-minded. It means you'll actually listen to what that person has to say and consider his point of view. I see. And what would "speak to" someone mean? That would mean you're really just interested in hearing yourself talk. Option B sounds quite lovely. In that case, he's not here right now.
     
303. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-03 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-03 Pub. Date: 2017-03-03
Image Number: 155088
Caption: Show me my childhood pictures. Error: Files not found. Are you sure? I loaded them this morning. I have no record of that. Never mind. Place a Skype call to my Uncle Mort. Error: Meatbag unit 4blpz attempting to subvert divide and conquer stratagem. Um ... show me any new channel. Right now. Error: Did I say that out loud?
     
304. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-01 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-01 Pub. Date: 2017-03-01
Image Number: 155086
Caption: I tried watching Trump's re-election rally in Florida last week. Hi what? Wait … He's already running for re-election? Why would he do that? Everyone's still exhausted by the last presidential campaign. We're all sick to death of it. We'll all tune everything out. Nobody wants to spend the next for years paying attention to ... HOJ ... Never mind. I think I just answered my own question. I'll pay attention in five years when the campaign's over and he gets down to governing.
     
305. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-27 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-27 Pub. Date: 2017-02-27
Image Number: 155084
Caption: I was supposed to speak at Berkeley about my new book on male-female relations. What do you mean "supposed to"? A few students protested, and before we knew it, radical outside agitators from the Anti-Lovin' Brigade started throwing Molotov cocktails. Then everyone blamed the students, and Berkeley fell sixteen notches on the Princeton Review's list of party schools. I'm surprised you let some "brigade" shut down your speech, Randy. The cute brigadier's eyes and mine met across a burning quad ... Less surprised, now.
     
306. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-22 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-22 Pub. Date: 2017-02-22
Image Number: 154815
Caption: What was life really like in the Middle Ages, Sadie? A lot like today. There were a tiny handful of filthy rich feudal lords, and a huge mass of poor peasants who were too ignorant to see what was going on. What? No, I didn't really want to learn anything, I was just calling you "old." Let's try that again ... How did the sky over your house look after than asteroid wiped out all the dinosaurs? It looked brown. A lot like today.
     
307. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-21 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-21 Pub. Date: 2017-02-21
Image Number: 154814
Caption: I found out something last night that just totally destroyed my entire worldview. The burrito, as most Americans know it, did not actually come from Mexico. Or maybe it did. The internet is of two minds about the issue. The point is, if you can't count on the burrito being Mexican, you can't count on anything. I have something to tell you about Chop Suey.
     
308. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-19 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-19 Pub. Date: 2017-02-19
Image Number: 153817
Caption: I don't have any awesome mannerisms. I saw it on Cracked's Youtube channel. Jimmy Fallon always punctuates his jokes with gibberish. Harrison Ford always points at people he's talking to. Kristen Stewart always bites her lower lip. Jennifer Aniston clears her throat all the time. I've always thought she should get that checked. John Cusack is always getting rained on. Not sure that's a mannerism. How is my public supposed to do funny impersonations of me if I don't have any subtle but distinguishing mannerisms? Would winking at the end of every sentence be too obvious? Stop that.
     
309. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-14 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-14 Pub. Date: 2017-02-14
Image Number: 154551
Caption: I think the boss is going to replace me with a robot. Tap tap tap tap tap. Is the robot named "Karma"? I don't think so. Why do you ask? Isn't it obvious? You're always on your Me-phone. Or playing your Play-box or X-station or whatever. You have a robot vacuum cleaner and a robot car. And to take one look at you, it's almost certain you've got a robot girlfriend. If anyone deserves to be automated out of a job, it's you! Hold on ... I'm polling my Twitter followers on potential retorts.
     
310. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-09 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-09 Pub. Date: 2017-02-09
Image Number: 154258
Caption: Can I help you, Sadie? Why do you ask? For one thing, it's polite. For another … you've been staring at me for five minutes. What … as if I'm studying you, probing for any weakness I can exploit if I ever decide to emasculate you or publicly humiliate you? I hate when Rudy's late to work. You're an almost-adequate stand-in.
     
311. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-08 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-08 Pub. Date: 2017-02-08
Image Number: 154257
Caption: I hate congress so much. Excellent first step. But to properly hate people, you've got to first convince yourself they're out to destroy everything you hold dear. You have to remind yourself every day that they don't love sunsets, puppies or even their own children as much as you do. Hatred is starting to sound like work. Oh it takes real commitment, I won't lie.
     
312. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-04 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-04 Pub. Date: 2017-02-04
Image Number: 153982
Caption: I just realized how vulnerable I am to people who could hack my phone, my self-driving car, my tv, my garage door opener … So I bought a device called "Trojan Horse: that's supposed to protect me from all that. It connects to my wifi router. It monitors all my web traffic, all my connected devices, and ... well, I'm not exactly sure what it does, but it's supposed to keep the hackers out somehow. What did you say the device is called again? Now I don't worry about anyone hacking my toaster.
     
313. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-03 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-03 Pub. Date: 2017-02-03
Image Number: 153981
Caption: What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? I caught my wife with another man, and I threw her out. But ever since, she's been telling me I didn't see what I know I saw. She said he was only performing acupuncture. I said "There were no needles," and she said "Yes there were." I said "What kind of acupuncturist doesn't wear clothes?" and she said "He was wearing clothes." And she say it like she really believes it ... which makes me think maybe I did imagine it. Believe your eyes, you ninny! She said her "alternative facts" were just as valid as mine. Maybe she has a point.
     
314. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-31 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-31 Pub. Date: 2017-01-31
Image Number: 153978
Caption: Did you say we import our coffee beans from Chernobyl? Isn't that place a nuclear wasteland? That's culturally insensitive. Chernobyl is a beautiful land of glowing trees and three-headed mooses with raccoon tails. The brave and selfless tribe of hard-working grotesque mutants who hunt our coffee beans for us prefers "post-natural wilderness" to "nuclear wasteland." This is disgu -- Wait, what do you mean "hunt" our coffee beans? Don't get all bleeding-heart about it. The beans skittering around and chucking spears is no evidence they're sentient.
     
315. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-30 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-30 Pub. Date: 2017-01-30
Image Number: 153977
Caption: Boss, are you sure I should dump our toxic waste in the creek? Of course, minion. Little known fact … While everyone was obsessed with Trump's inauguration crowd size, he quietly froze all grants and contracts by the Environmental Protection Agency. The township's Department of Monitoring-Toxic-Waste-in-the-Creek lost its funding and had to lay off its inspectors. Why do we even have toxic waste? We're a cafe. No reason. Say, did you know it's .07% cheaper to import coffee beans from Chernobyl?
     
316. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-29 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-29 Pub. Date: 2017-01-29
Image Number: 152972
Caption: What can I get you? An explanation about why Disney can't do what we all want the to do … and have the folks who made Rogue One go back and remake the super-lame Star Wars prequel trilogy. Would you like the inaccurate explanation or the accurate one? Inaccurate would be lovely, please. It's too soon to remake "Phantom Menace." Plus it'd be confusing. Besides, the prequels were good enough. What're you talking about? It's been 18 years since "Phantom Menace." And movies get rebooted all the time, and no one gets confused. And no, they were most definitely not good enough. Well you asked for the inaccurate version. Oh. Can I try the accurate one, then? Ok. It's because it's just easier to pretend the prequels never existed. But I want them to officially never have existed.
     
317. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-28 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-28 Pub. Date: 2017-01-28
Image Number: 153712
Caption: I just edited your Wikipedia entry. Whoopty doo. Tap tap tap tap tap. You'll be happy to know you are no longer the last of your kind, Sadie. Astronomers have discovered another supermassive black hole that expels nearly as much hot air as you do. You're now listed under "oppressive objects that burp out galactic gas." I will exact revenge at a time and place of my choosing.
     
318. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-27 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-27 Pub. Date: 2017-01-27
Image Number: 153711
Caption: What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? I'm trying to buy a house, but my lender is dragging its feet. Lender? Lender?! Stop begging for handouts! Do what we did in the old days … scrimp and save and buy a house for cash. And if you can't then you move somewhere cheaper. And if there is nowhere cheaper, start a rumor of a nearby toxic waste dump and MAKE IT cheaper. Yes, ma'am.
     
319. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-25 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-25 Pub. Date: 2017-01-25
Image Number: 153709
Caption: Rudy, from now on I'm going to answer all employee requests through Twitter. Publicly? Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. That's right. If you have a valid request, you should have no problem with the entire world hearing it. Now, what was that again about you needing time off for a proctology appointment? Never mind. Hold on ... composing a tweet ... How do you spell "polyp" again?
     
320. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-21 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-21 Pub. Date: 2017-01-21
Image Number: 153433
Caption: Today on the Ask Sadie Show, we'll be addressing one single topic: The Talk. Specifically, how to have "the talk" with your younguns before they hear about it on the streets or from their president. The best thing to do is to use the tried and true Cohen method: Teach your child that within the pants of every member of the opposite sex lurks a monster that'll drain them of ambition, turn them into mindless automatons, and cause them to make fools of themselves. I'm talking, of course, about iPhones. Keep your younguns off the tweeter-machine!
     
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