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Candorville

Comics about defense and defenses.

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-29 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-29 Pub. Date: 2019-05-29
Image Number: 177795
Caption: Guess who walked into the offices of Fitzhugh, Fitzhugh & Fitzhugh today? The national security adviser. He said Military-Industrial Death Empire Corp is looking for help marketing their new product, Iran War. This is a big coup for us. McMahon, Tate & Stephens has been handling their advertising ever since the Spanish-American War. Congratulations.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-15 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-15 Pub. Date: 2019-03-15
Image Number: 176728
Caption: You sure in trouble now, Big L. All I did was write an article quoting what Ilhan Omar actually said … and pointing out that most of the people we see loudly insisting it was antisemetic seem to not be Jewish. I've seen a lot of Jewish people coming to her defense. So maybe it's more complicated. That's all I wrote ... so I have no idea why Congress passed a resolution against me. Ain't nobody in the mood for complicated no more, bruh.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-10 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-10 Pub. Date: 2019-03-10
Image Number: 176423
Caption: First they came for Roseanne, and I said nothing because I wasn't a fan of her politics. Dr. Noodle. Then they came for Marvel director James Gunn, and I said nothing because I'm not really into superhero movies. Then, they came for Kevin Hart, and I said nothing because I'm more of a Chappelle fan. Then they came for one of my work friends, and I said nothing because, well ... maybe he brought it on himself. Then, they came for me. Not to self: Delete entire Twitter history ... and nobody said a word in my defense.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-03 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-03 Pub. Date: 2018-10-03
Image Number: 174290
Caption: Judge Groperman's supporters are really going to town on the woman who says he attacked her. I spend all night on Facebook defending her from the craziest, most hateful attacks. People called me a social justice warrior and a white knight, but I kept going. What for? Nobody changes their mind anymore. Changing your mind is so old-fashioned. You'll never get me to believe that.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-02 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-02 Pub. Date: 2018-10-02
Image Number: 174289
Caption: I'm the one who brought in all our dark money accounts, sir. Especially Judicial Jerkpac. They hired us to create ads polishing off the rough edges of their favorite judicial nominees. But Judge Groperman is accused of sexual assault. I'm not sure you're the right man for this one, Garcia. I'm just as capable as any man of abandoning my principles to defend lowlife scum. It's called being a professional You mean alleged lowlife scum.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-10 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-10 Pub. Date: 2018-04-10
Image Number: 170410
Caption: You know why I don't own a gun, Susan? I have a kid. And kids die from accidental gunshots about once every other day. I could live with it if someone else hurt my Lionel. But I could never live with it if I'm the one who hurt him. But I've got buckets of self-defense rocks beneath all our furniture. Dio mio. When I caught Lionel juggling them, I knew I'd made the right decision.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-07 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-07 Pub. Date: 2018-04-07
Image Number: 170153
Caption: You know a good way to tell your friend his breath remind you of barnyard animals? My breath is just fine, Clyde. You sound defensive, bruh. Of course, I do. You said something about me that isn't true, so I'm defending myself. That's what's wrong with America: Every time an innocent person defends himself, people say that's proof he's guilty. There you go again with your defense-tivity. Your breath must be worse than I though. I'm going to quit while I'm behind.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-12 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-12 Pub. Date: 2018-03-12
Image Number: 169393
Caption: Hello, you've reached the Pentagon. Hi, Pentagon, this is Lemont Brown with the news site candorville.com. I'm writing a story, and I'm just wondering … could you remind me how many countries we're currently bombing? I wouldn't want to get it wrong. Is it still seven, or is it eight now? Click. Can I quote you on that?
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-26 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-26 Pub. Date: 2018-02-26
Image Number: 168927
Caption: Did you know that while nobody was paying any attention, evil neo Nazis have overrun Ukraine? And our military industrial complex is sending them weapons? Wait ... what? But it's ok, because when they become a big enough threat, our military industrial complex will also get to send weapons to their enemies. So it'll all even out. Sarcasm Monday strikes again. It's nice to see our defense contractors finally making a profit.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-10 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-10 Pub. Date: 2017-07-10
Image Number: 160219
Caption: What're you doing, Susan? That's her! That's that chick Lemont's dating! I'd know that face anywhere!! Look, I have something important to ask you, Susan. But that's not Lemont! Where are you going? This isn't any of your business. I'm just going to have a calm, woman-to-woman chat with her about how she's mistreating my best friend. Why're you taking off your heels and earrings? No reason. Marry me.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-18 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-18 Pub. Date: 2017-06-18
Image Number: 158658
Caption: I read your article bashing Congressman Thugman for assaulting a reporter, you'd better watch your back, Leroy. Lemont. Whatever. You should change your name to "Enemy of the American People." Trump said so, and he's right. How was he right? There's nothing more American than a free press. Read the first amendment. The press is enshrined in the Constitution! Journalists report being beaten, arrested. Oh yeah? Well, the so-called "Constitution" also enshrined slavery. Yeah, but then the Constitution abolished slavery, with the 13th amendment. Exactly. It's crazy for you to defend yourself with a document that can't even make up its mind. No wonder they're body-slamming you guys now. I'm starting to think you'll say anything just to win an argument. That's my first amendment right. Why do you hate the Constitution?
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-17 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-17 Pub. Date: 2016-09-17
Image Number: 148484
Caption: 1982. You know how people always say "If aliens existed, why haven't they made contact?" Well … what if they have? What if we aren't the ones they're coming to visit? There are at least six species on earth that have a degree of intelligence. Nobody ever stops to think that the aliens may already have a mutual defense treaty with the octopuses. If you don't want to have sushi, just say "I don't want to have sushi." If the apocalypse happens, I just don't want anyone pointing fingers at me.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-14 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-14 Pub. Date: 2016-08-14
Image Number: 146528
Caption: It all started during the Republican National Convention, night two … Dr. Noodle … The night they put Hillary Clinton on fake trial. They found her "guilty" of everything from Benghazi to being the servant of the devil. I was just waiting for them to find her guilty of giving the empire the location of the rebel base on that ice planet. I couldn't stand her before, but all of the sudden, I became very pro-Hillary, and felt like I had to see her become president at all costs. It's only natural to want to come to someone's defense when you think they're being treated unfairly. I painted the hair on my Trump bobblehead blond.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-05 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-05 Pub. Date: 2016-03-05
Image Number: 139629
Caption: You know a good way to tell your friend his breath remind you of barnyard animals? My breath is just fine, Clyde. You sound defensive, bruh. Of course I do. You said something about me that isn't true, so I'm defending myself. That's what's wrong with America: Every time an innocent person defends himself, people say that's proof he's guilty. There you go again with your defense-tivity. Your breath must be worse that I thought. I'm going to quit while I'm behind.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-18 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-18 Pub. Date: 2015-05-18
Image Number: 127171
Caption: Did you know we spend $2 billion a week in Afghanistan, Susan? Do you know how many Americans could have health insurance for $2 billion a week? Do you know how many roads and bridges and tracks we could fix for $2 billion a week? Do you know how many episodes of a new "Star Trek" show we could produce for $2 billion a week? I mean ... Do you know how many hungry Americans we could feed for $2 billion a week?
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-30 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-30 Pub. Date: 2014-12-30
Image Number: 120838
Caption: You know China is North Korea's only major ally? Without China propping it up, North Korea's dictatorship would fall tomorrow. If North Korea wants China to keep defending them, then North Korea had better start repaying China the $2 China loans it every day. If you get what I'm saying. I don't get what you sayin'. Hey, could you break me off $2 for some Korean BBQ? I could eat the mess outta some Yangnyeom Tongdak right about now.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-12 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-12 Pub. Date: 2014-09-12
Image Number: 116187
Caption: 1982. You know how people always say "if aliens existed, why haven't they made contact?" Well, what if they have? What if WE aren't the ones they're coming to visit? There are at least six species on Earth that have a degree of intelligence. Nobody ever stops to think that the aliens may already have a mutual defense treaty with the octopuses. If you don't want to have sushi, just say "I don't want to have sushi." If the apocalypse happens, I just don't want anyone pointing fingers at me.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-19 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-19 Pub. Date: 2014-05-19
Image Number: 111554
Caption: We don’t want any. We ain't selling any. We jus' spreadin' the good news. Oh. No offense, but I don’t want any Jehovah's Witnesses ringing out door ell. Me neither. But … I thought you were saying you were a Jehovah's Witness. Never said that. Oh. We with Jehovah's Alibi.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-08-11 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-08-11 Pub. Date: 2013-08-11
Image Number: 99766
Caption: There's such a thing as too much honesty. What? Dr. Noodle. Some lies are ok. M.A. Never in a marriage. Especially in a marriage. What's more important to you, being honest? Or being compassionate and not humiliating your spouse? Wait … Are you saying that if he's honest about my opinions, I'll be humiliated? He's insulting my opinions, dear. What kind of a man just sits there and lets a stranger insult his wife's opinions? PhD. That's not what I was doing. Are you calling me a liar? This is so much more fun as a spectator.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-07-02 defense 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-07-02 Pub. Date: 2013-07-02
Image Number: 98733
Caption: In other news, the Supreme Court has struck down the Defense of Marriage Act. DOMA prevented gay married couples from receiving the same federal benefits as straight couples. The court ruled 5-4 that writing inequality into the federal code was unconstitutional. In unrelated news, the court ruled t5-4 that people need to stop whining about all the 5-4 decisions.
     
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