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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-23 decide 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-23 Pub. Date: 2019-03-23
Image Number: 176840
Caption: I've decided to get Elon Musk to send me for a trip around the moon in two years. I set up a Gofundme page to crowdsource money for it. My goal is to raise ten billion dollars. That shouldn't be too hard, considering there are seven billion people on earth. Non of whom are going to give you a dime. I hope not. That would only come to seven hundred million. Annoyed? How'd you like to send me far away? Here's a link to my Gofundme.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-13 decide 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-13 Pub. Date: 2019-01-13
Image Number: 175590
Caption: I'm doing well in my latest Surveymonkey poll. I run polls on all my social media accounts every time I make an important decision. Like when I decide which socks to wear … which movie to stream … which cereal to eat … Today I chose Lucky Charms. A solid choice. 49% of my followers felt that was proof of sound breakfast judgment. Wait ... Doesn't that mean 51% thought it wasn't? Taking a poll is science. Reporting the results is an art. A whopping 32% felt that my sticking with an un-PC breakfast choice showed I was bold enough to be president. You just ate what everyone wished they could eat.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-18 decide 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-18 Pub. Date: 2018-12-18
Image Number: 175480
Caption: Earlier today, I considered the option of traveling back through time and making other choices. But before I could finish considering it, I changed my mind and decided I could not, would not, dare not do such a thing. But now it occurs to me, perhaps that was me from the future inhabiting my past self and making just such an other choice. I think I regret that I'm going to do what I did to prevent me from undoing that which I regret. Stop it. (This cartoon was previously published on 2016-10-26)
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-01 decide 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-01 Pub. Date: 2018-11-01
Image Number: 174718
Caption: I'll tell you one thing, Susan, this is not the country I thought it was. When we were kids, I thought all the bad, unfair, horrible things were all in the past. I thought Martin Luther King, Jr., the Beatles, Muhammad Ali and Mr. Rogers came along and made it all better. I want my son to have the same tragically wrong illusions. It makes for a happy childhood. I still don't think you should cryogenically freeze him and they him out when all the crazy stops. I'm just researching whether it's possible. I haven't decided.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-12 decide 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-12 Pub. Date: 2018-08-12
Image Number: 173270
Caption: Hi, Mr. Dogg. My name's Sidious Darkmoney. I'm urging you to call your representative and demand they pass H.R. 666 … also known as the Patriot Love Bunny Kitten Sunshine Act. What that act about, bruh? Silence, swine! I -- … um, I mean its about love of country, kittens, bunnies and sunshine ... all of which would benefit from the extermination of bunnies, the brutal slaughter of kittens, and the total deregulation of all toxic pollutants that blot out sunlight. Who you say you with again? Silence, swine! ... um, I mean ... I'm with the our-government-stooges-decided-we-don't-have-to-tell-you-who-we-are association. Wait ... ain't you the dude who called me last week to inform me the election been postponed?
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-09 decide 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-09 Pub. Date: 2018-08-09
Image Number: 173376
Caption: twitter. Sassynic: Jumping jacks … have those ever been considered a real exercise? They seem so … fake to me. They're the breast implants of exercises. Candorville: If a caveman saw all the glowing, blinking devices in my room he'd flip out. I'd hate 2 see what he'd do if he saw my bills for all of them. I don't understand, what's this have to do with you deciding you no longer need counseling? I'm cured! All the voices in my head have been crowded out by all the voices in my phone.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-19 decide 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-19 Pub. Date: 2018-05-19
Image Number: 171506
Caption: Whachoo wanna watch, Big L? The end of hatred. I want to watch the end of terror, the end of war, the end of killing, the end of brutality. The end of people having to live in fear of other people. I want to watch mankind finally decide to just get along with itself. I don't think that be on. Sigh. Just put on Gilligan's Island.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-06 decide 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-06 Pub. Date: 2018-05-06
Image Number: 170818
Caption: I saw that article you wrote, where you siad it ain't make no sense that Syria president used chemical weapons. You wrote Don' ya'll fools notice the same exact thing happened last year when the U.S. was talkin' 'bout pullin' out? You wrote All of a sudden Assad gas his own people, an' then we decide to stay an' keep whoopin' Assad *$%. You wrote "Fast-forward a year. Trump talk 'bout leavin' again, an' again Assad gas his own people, an' again Trump change his mind an' decide to stay an' keep whoopin' Assad @#$. You wrote Yeah right, ain't this some @#$#$%. Y'know, when you put someone else's points in your own words, you're supposed to start by saying I'm paraphrasin here. You wrote Y'all crazy to believe homeboy would do the same exact @#$% that backfired on 'im the last time.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-27 decide 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-27 Pub. Date: 2018-04-27
Image Number: 170823
Caption: What are the most important issues facing the working class? The what? The working class. And poor folks. Oh. Yeah. Of course. Mainstream Media. Trump's working-class voters stick with him, as Democrats can't decide whether to once again be the party of FDR. No, I mean tell me about actual, non-Trump-related issues working class people have to deal with. Progressives and corporate Dems book mud-wrestling pit to discuss midterm strategy.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-09 decide 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-09 Pub. Date: 2018-04-09
Image Number: 170409
Caption: In solidarity with those teens who survived the mass shooting, I've decided to stop accepting any NRA ads on my website. That's complicated by the fact they don't run any ads on my site. I thought of advertising my site on their site, so they'd notice me and try to advertise on my site ... and then I could turn them down. Walk away, Lemont. I'm just not sure it's the most ethical way to be ethical.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-27 decide 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-27 Pub. Date: 2018-02-27
Image Number: 168928
Caption: I checked my news site's stats, and 98% of my readers these days are form the United States and Canada. It's almost as if the entire rest of the world has decided to stop reading news about the United States. What do you think I could do to get international readers to come back to my site? I mean, short of getting the western world to see us as their leader again. Have you tried showing some leg? C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice $2.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-06 decide 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-06 Pub. Date: 2018-01-06
Image Number: 166784
Caption: 1982. Do you believe in life after death, Susan? Of course. Me too. It's the first law of thermal dynamics. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only transmogrify into something else … like a sea anemone. I've decided I'll be a sea anemone. Not a care in the world, it's be a welcome interlude between this life and my next one where I'm a Jedi. I don't know if you get to choose what happens to your energy, Lemont. No offense, but I think Obi-Wan and Yoda know more about that than you do.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-11 decide 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-11 Pub. Date: 2017-10-11
Image Number: 163630
Caption: Bruh, you gotta stop writing about "Star Track Discovery." Don't nobody like it. Get over it. "Trek." And it's a great show! It's just a vocal minority online that keep coming up with ridiculous reasons to hate it. They decided long before they ever saw it was gonna be horrible, and now they just don't want to be wrong. It's textbook case of confirmation bias! I knew you wasn't gonna make no sense, an' I was right.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-10 decide 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-10 Pub. Date: 2017-10-10
Image Number: 163629
Caption: The rest of the president's press pool left Puerto Rico, but I decided to stay and help. They needed people who could drive trucks to help deliver supplies to the survivors. I didn't know you knew how to drive a big rig, Lemont. What's to know? Huh? That reminds me: Did you know a pallet of 10,000 baby wipes makes a good flotation device if you find yourself in the ocean? What? What did you do to their truck?! It's inspiring how fast people, even in the midst of devastation, can all pitch in to buy one man a plane ticket home.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-30 decide 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-30 Pub. Date: 2017-08-30
Image Number: 162089
Caption: What do you mean you don't take Joss Whedon's ex-wife's article at face value? She wrote that he cheated on her for years. That settles everything. No it doesn't. All we heard is her side of the story. And she said at one point she moved away from her personal values to get closer to him. What does that mean. I'll tell you what it might mean: It might mean she knew more than she's letting on, but she was ok with it all the way until he decided to divorce her. Only then did she go back and rewrite history to portray herself as the totally unsuspecting victim. Is this about how your ex lied to the court about you? Is this about how your ex cheated on you?
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-21 decide 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-21 Pub. Date: 2017-05-21
Image Number: 157604
Caption: I'm tired of people complaining about how the coral reefs have pretty much died off. I mean yeah, a huge variety of fish and other sealife rely on the coral reefs. And yeah, about 500 million people in turn depend on that sealife for food, jobs and recreation. But it's not mankind's fault those sea creatures decided to sponge off the hard work of the polyps that made all the coral. Wait ... what? ... and it's not our fault that 500 million people didn't think ahead and get real jobs instead of sponging off welfare fish. Besides, marine habitats are something better left to private industry. If the fish really want vast expanses of underwater limestone shelters, let them buy it on the free market like the rest of us. Besides, I was just wasting my time with all those snorkeling vacations. I should've been working. You're just trying to make yourself feel better. Newsweak.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-03 decide 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-03 Pub. Date: 2017-05-03
Image Number: 157547
Caption: Why erebody always say "think of the children"? How'd that get all flipped 'round? When we was kids, no matter what crazy, deranged #@$% we saw, our mommas said "don't mind that, that's grown folk's business." When they all of a sudden decide that grown folks have to all be "Mister Rogers" instead of kids havin' to mind they business? It's apparent you're not a parent. You tell one more "dad joke" an' I won't be held responsible for my actions.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-26 decide 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-26 Pub. Date: 2016-10-26
Image Number: 150196
Caption: Earlier today, I considered the option of traveling back through time and making other choices. But before I could finish considering it, I changed my mind and decided I could not, would not, dare not do such a thing. But now it occurs to me, perhaps that was me from the future inhabiting my past self and making just such an "other choice." I think I regret that I'm going to do what I did to prevent me from undoing that which I regret. Stop it.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-04 decide 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-04 Pub. Date: 2016-09-04
Image Number: 147443
Caption: Scientists proved quantum entanglement is a thing. They split one subatomic particle into two, and then found that when they did something to one half, the other half was affected too. Meanwhile, they also proved the location of subatomic particles is dependent on observation. Until it's observed, a particle exists in different locations simultaneously. I know. The act of observing it collapses all those locations into one. And no one know why that is. Scientists also believe that every particle in the universe is entangled with every other particle because they were all part of the same singularity that exploded during the big bang. Don't you see, Susan? When we decide to find a particle's position, the particle decides to have one, because that particle is quantum-entangled with us! Ok ... but why'd you ask if I was followed coming here? An observer observing an observer who's observing an observer who observed how observation works just might be what caused the last big bang,
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-12 decide 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-12 Pub. Date: 2016-08-12
Image Number: 147069
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? I decided to show my son the same cartoons I saw as a kid. So I Youtubed "Casper the Friendly Ghost." He liked it, but all I could think about was "Hey … that's a dead kid who's not allowed to go to heaven … He's condemned to roam the earth forever, trying in vain to make friends. And every time he fails, he tries to off himself." So those stories were fine for you but not for your kid? So then we watched the Smurfs, and I was like, "This is a caste system!"
     
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