| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-06-25 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-06-25 |
| Image Number: |
178256 |
| Caption: |
You know why else our cozy camps aren't concentration camps? Did you just say cozy camps? Yes. How else would you describe camps where thousands and thousands of people get to cuddle in cages to house much fewer … where we intern tiny tots, and where scarce resources have so far cause the gentle parting of 30 adults and children (that we know of)? Gentle part- ... do you mean death? I mean expiration.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-06-25) |
Image #178256 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-11-30 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-11-30 |
| Image Number: |
175158 |
| Caption: |
What brings you to therapy today, Lemont? Ever since I had what most certainly was not a heart attack … I've realized I'm going to die one day. I'm worried about what that'll do to my son. M.A. I see. There comes a time when every person becomes aware of his or her own mortality. The key is to make sure you've prepared your son to pay your final therapy bill. What's the other key?
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2018-11-30) |
Image #175158 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-04-10 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-04-10 |
| Image Number: |
170410 |
| Caption: |
You know why I don't own a gun, Susan? I have a kid. And kids die from accidental gunshots about once every other day. I could live with it if someone else hurt my Lionel. But I could never live with it if I'm the one who hurt him. But I've got buckets of self-defense rocks beneath all our furniture. Dio mio. When I caught Lionel juggling them, I knew I'd made the right decision.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2018-04-10) |
Image #170410 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2017-10-07 |
Pub. Date: |
2017-10-07 |
| Image Number: |
163375 |
| Caption: |
You know the best part of having a child, Clyde? Less frustration. Maybe we won't cure death in my lifetime. Maybe I'll never be rich. Maybe I'll never walk on Mars. But there's a chance my son will live forever. Maybe my son will strike it rich. Maybe my son will someday set foot on another world. Maybe my son will have a friend who pays back the $2 he owes him. Maybe you so won't be passive-aggressive.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2017-10-07) |
Image #163375 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2017-05-04 |
Pub. Date: |
2017-05-04 |
| Image Number: |
157548 |
| Caption: |
I think you're just jealous, Clyde. Of what? Of me. Because I have a child. A little guy who looks up to me and loves me to death. A little guy I get to teach, and care for, and laugh and play with, and read stories to. A little guy I get to lead on a journey. Deep down, you wish you had what I have, Clyde. Admit it. I'll say it once mo' again: I ain't babysittin' for you tonight.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2017-05-04) |
Image #157548 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2016-06-23 |
Pub. Date: |
2016-06-23 |
| Image Number: |
144900 |
| Caption: |
When are you going to teach your son about death? Never. If your toenail falls off, have you died? If you lose a foot to a grizzly bear, have you died? If a wild kangaroo rips off both your arms, have you died? If you can survive without parts of your body, who's to say you don't survive without the whole body? You can't just avoid having hard talks with your son. I don't want him to survive dying and then call me a liar. |
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2016-06-23) |
Image #144900 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2015-06-14 |
Pub. Date: |
2015-06-14 |
| Image Number: |
127781 |
| Caption: |
Nobody could've known, back in 2003, that invading Iraq would be a bad idea. What're you talking about? Millions of people knew it. Millions of us. Millions of us said the reasons the Bush administration gave for invading sounded like flimsy nonsense. Not having WMDs was Saddam's plot to embarrass us. Daily Nutjob. Obama wet bed as child, covered it up. Goodnight Grandpa. Millions of us said it would cause a lot of unnecessary death, totally wreck the balance of power, cost us money we couldn't afford, create new enemies, and be a huge unmitigated disaster. It was entirely possible to know. Millions of us knew. General: Iraq would be stable if we had occupied it for only 75 more years. Well, nobody knew the people who knew were right to know what they knew. You know? No. ISIS destroys ancient ruins, erect statue of founding father Dick Cheney. |
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2015-06-14) |
Image #127781 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2014-11-30 |
Pub. Date: |
2014-11-30 |
| Image Number: |
118798 |
| Caption: |
Sometimes I wish my mom and all my ancestors had decided to have kids much later in life. What? Why? A few years ago, I read that a Harvard research team discovered a way to reverse the aging process in mice. That could lead to a cure for aging - a cure for death itself - just a few decades from now. If just my last ten generations of ancestors had waited till their forties to have kids, I wouldn't have been born till the year 2080, or so. If they'd each just kept it zipped for two measly decades, it's possible I'd get to be immortal. My own ancestors have condemned me to death. How thoughtless of them. Oh no ... I already have a son ... I've perpetuated the cycle of violence. |
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2014-11-30) |
Image #118798 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2014-05-28 |
Pub. Date: |
2014-05-28 |
| Image Number: |
111791 |
| Caption: |
When are you going to teach your son about death? Never. If your toenail falls off, have you died? If you lose a foot to a grizzly bear, have you died? If a wild kangaroo rips off both your arms, have you died? If you can survive without parts of your body, who's to say you don't survive without the whole body? You can't just avoid having hard talks with your son. I don't want him to survive dying and then call me a liar. |
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2014-05-28) |
Image #111791 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2013-11-23 |
Pub. Date: |
2013-11-23 |
| Image Number: |
104087 |
| Caption: |
Kids are put on this earth for one reason only: To make sure adults don't get any sleep. It's a vast conspiracy run by a cabal of population-control fanatics. Kids equal sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation equals early death. Early death equals seven billion people on earth instead of seventeen billion. So "they" encourage us to have more children so there'll be fewer people? I didn't say I had every little detail worked out. (Originally published on 2012-04-14). |
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2013-11-23) |
Image #104087 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2013-08-04 |
Pub. Date: |
2013-08-04 |
| Image Number: |
99565 |
| Caption: |
Things have just gone way too far. The other day, my nephew wanted to play with a doll. I snatched the Barbie away from him and told him he was playing into the hands of those who seek to destroy masculinity. I shoved an X-Wing Fighter into his hands and told him his blowing up the Death Star was necessary for the propagation of the species. I mad him crush the Barbie in the garbage disposal. That's when he started crying just like a little girl. I must've gotten there just in time. |
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2013-08-04) |
Image #99565 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2012-07-26 |
Pub. Date: |
2012-07-26 |
| Image Number: |
84530 |
| Caption: |
Why won't you go to sleep. Cuth I don’t want to. That's circular reasoning, son. It's one of the most common logical fallacies. And every time a child utters a logical fallacy, a Muppet dies a horrible death. Are you thtill talking? |
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2012-07-26) |
Image #84530 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2012-04-14 |
Pub. Date: |
2012-04-14 |
| Image Number: |
79199 |
| Caption: |
Kids are put on this earth for one reason only: To make sure adults don't get any sleep. It's a vast conspiracy run by a cabal of population-control fanatics. Kids equal sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation equals early death. Early death equals seven billion people on earth instead of seventeen billion. So "they" encourage us to have more children so there'll be fewer people? I didn't say I had every little detail worked out. |
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2012-04-14) |
Image #79199 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2009-07-06 |
Pub. Date: |
2009-07-06 |
| Image Number: |
35968 |
| Caption: |
What the -- who's there? Dead "King of Pop," Michael Jackson. Are you a ghost? I am a beautiful, angelic entity. A force of love and life. I was put on this earth to bring mankind together in peace. What was up with those kids you -- Don't spoil the moment or I'll tap dance on your spleen! |
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2009-07-06) |
Image #35968 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2005-10-13 |
Pub. Date: |
2005-10-10 |
| Image Number: |
11923 |
| Caption: |
Lemont interviews Hurricane Katrina survivors for his blog. So we broke through the attic an' got on the roof. We was up there for goin' on three days. President's plane flew right over us. My daughter said she thought she him wave at us. Can I interview your daughter? ...Oh. |
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2005-10-10) |
Image #11923 |
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