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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-03 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-03 Pub. Date: 2019-07-03
Image Number: 178392
Caption: Other day, some grown-#$% man in a business suit rolled over my foot on one of them scooters. You always say grown people look ridiculous on those things. So what'd you do? I rented a scooter too an' chased his @!#$ down. Chased him into his office building's elevator. You sure you weren't just looking for an excuse to ride a scooter? When we got up to the 55th floor, I chased him to his office.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-08 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-08 Pub. Date: 2019-06-08
Image Number: 177957
Caption: We missed you at Lionel's soccer game this morning. I meant to come. You've meant to come to this birthday parties, to his piano recitals, to his day care senior play … Who wants to watch three-year-olds perform Grapes of Wrath? I mean I had a big project at work. You really missed out. They performed it dressed as actual grapes.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-07 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-07 Pub. Date: 2019-06-07
Image Number: 177956
Caption: Hi, Momma. Yes, The Giving Tree book you send Lionel did just arrive. Well … we didn't call to thank you because it just got her 20 minutes ago. Well … Yes, actually, calling you in 19 minutes ago would have been too much trouble, because we were racing out to get to day care in time. Well ... yes, I do remember how long you were in labor. But I don't see what that ahs to do with -- well ...
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-24 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-24 Pub. Date: 2019-05-24
Image Number: 177720
Caption: Boss … Armstrong … I created a Trump Generator. You input questions, and it outputs random nouns and adverbs strung together with words like fantastic. I put it onling a few days ago, and already it's getting 500,000 visitors per day. I guess what I'm asking is, why do all Trump's answers all of a sudden end with Visit House of Jave Cafe. It's tremendous. It's run by a very smart man named Armstrong. I have no idea what you're talking aboutk. By the way, did you know Russian hackers are suprisingly cheap on Craigslist? Very bad man.!!!
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-20 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-20 Pub. Date: 2019-05-20
Image Number: 177706
Caption: Sunset gets later and later every day, little buddy. So what? So, sunset happens later in the day. That means I can accomplish a lot more before smooching hour. I can run an extra ten miles. I can chop an extra cord firewood. I can catch an extra school of fish. I can prepare for my date my mining an extra nugget of lip balm from my secret lip balm quarry. I can download 30 extra books I'll never read.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-12 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-12 Pub. Date: 2019-05-12
Image Number: 177592
Caption: So I told her my theory that every day is technically a Sun-day since it's only a day because there's a sun … but she still made me go to school. My mama doesn't understand philosophy either.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-10 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-10 Pub. Date: 2019-05-10
Image Number: 177532
Caption: What happened, bruh? When we was kids, most we had to worry about was someone had a knife. Didn't nobody bring guns to preschool an' terrorize little kids, Big L. We even had massive gang wars on campus in high school, an' not one person got shot. Ah … the good old days. In my day, we had to wait 'til we was walkin' home to get shot at.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-08 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-08 Pub. Date: 2019-05-08
Image Number: 177530
Caption: So … today was the day Toddlerville Day Care taught your son what to do if an active shooter hunted them in the potty? Yeah. The kids took turns standing on toilet seats and scrunching down so the shooter can't see their feet or head. What're they going to have to teach them next, how to escape through a window after they break it with a ... whachoomacallit? Safety hammer. Lionel wanted the Paw Patrol safety hammer, but they gave him the Kermit one, so he's pretty upset. Stop. I can't take any more.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-07 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-07 Pub. Date: 2019-05-07
Image Number: 177529
Caption: Little Lionel said Toddlerville Day Care had another active shooter drill today. They practiced how to hide under their desks and stifle their cries while they heard gunshots and saw friends die. Lionel was so proud that they chose him to play one of the fallen victims. All we had to rehearse for was the school play. Tomorrow they practice what to do if it happens while they're in the potty.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-06 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-06 Pub. Date: 2019-05-06
Image Number: 177508
Caption: I applied for a Home Depot credit card, Susan. What? Why? You rent. How much Home Depot stuff could you need? Well, when I picked little Lionel up from Toddlerville day care and asked him what he learned today … he said they learned how to barricade the door and hide form an active shooter. This country is sick. Toddlerville told me they didn't have the budget for bulletproof doors, so I figured I'd build them some.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-05 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-05 Pub. Date: 2019-05-05
Image Number: 177448
Caption: What brings you to therapy, Mr. Jollee? My unhappy coworkers. Dr. Noodle. They're the ones with the problem, not me. I'm happy. All of the time. All of the time? Every moment, I greet the world with a smile and with laughter! No matter what's happening! Aaris brought donuts, and I said What a great guy! whenever anyone makes a sale, I lead a cheer! When Andy fell out the window, I shouted Cheer up! There're trees down there! Aim for those! What? The next day, everyone else was moping around, but not me. I put on a smile and said On the bright side, almost all the cactuses are still ok! ... and that's when they sent you to therapy. No, they sent me here after I gave the eulogy.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-04 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-04 Pub. Date: 2019-05-04
Image Number: 177388
Caption: Where you been last couple days, Big L? The Star Trek Discovery season finale was incredible. It made me really want a Captain Pike spin-off. So naturally, I've been in every discussion forum and all over social media trying to motivate everyone on earth to sign the CBS, give us a pre-TOS Star Trek series w/ Captain Pike. Struggle is pointless. petition on Change.org. Naturally don't meant what you think it mean. How do you say please in Hindi?
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-28 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-28 Pub. Date: 2019-04-28
Image Number: 177382
Caption: I'll have the special. One Cat Fur Mocha, coming up. Not today's special. I can't through here back on April 9th, 2011. You had a really delicious special that day. I want that one. I can't do that, sir. Of course you can. I mean, you don't look like the kind of guy who'd like to be hit with a bait and switch lawsuit. Your sign out front says Get the special for only $8.95! It doesn't say get today's special. Get out.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-24 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-24 Pub. Date: 2019-04-24
Image Number: 177325
Caption: I interviewed President Trump the other day. He still really believes he only lost the popular vote because there were up to 5 million illegal votes … even though there's zero evidence of that. It didn't make sense 'til yesterday. Remember that line from the Seinfeld rerun we saw last night? A lie is not a lie if you believe it. America elected George Costanza president.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-20 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-20 Pub. Date: 2019-04-20
Image Number: 177225
Caption: So you're worried that you may no longer be attractive to the opposite sex. Dr. Noodle. That's entirely normal. I felt that way myself at your age. M.A. You did? Sure. There comes a day when you look in the mirror and realize you're not a stallion anymore. Your coat is greying, and your saddle is too tight. When do you get to be the helpful part? M.A. The trick is realizing that a donkey can be just as beautiful ... ish.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-09 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-09 Pub. Date: 2019-04-09
Image Number: 177114
Caption: Remember Principal Pervee, from high school? I ran into him the other day. I'd forgotten all about that guy. Didn't he use to walk up behind you and sniff your hair? And didn't he use to rest his hands on your hips when he talked to you? Yeah. He wasn't the only man to do that, so I used to just sort of shrug it off, like it was to be expected. Back then, we didn't really see how wrong it was. Didn't you once accidentally spill a whole bag of sugar into old Pervee's gas tank?
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-31 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-31 Pub. Date: 2019-03-31
Image Number: 176810
Caption: House of Java Café. Grand Opening! What are you so happy about? What? Oh … I was just remembering my carefree, swinging bachelor days … and how I'm so glad they're long gone, sweetie-pudding. Attention! Berating session will not commence! Please, no! I'm thrilled to be stuck with you, I swear!
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-04 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-04 Pub. Date: 2019-03-04
Image Number: 176624
Caption: So, how was your day? How come you haven't asked me how my day went? It's a long story. I'll start from the beginning. Dios mio. This is why you're still single, Lemont. What? What'd I do?
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-24 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-24 Pub. Date: 2019-02-24
Image Number: 176205
Caption: In my day, we were happier. We spent more time with friends. We even got along with people who disagreed with us political. We got outside more, traveled the roads, counted the stars, went fishing, watched the tumbleweeds … We were out in the world, ambling around. Experiencing it all. We didn't waste 11 hours a day staring into screens! One gentle flower chamomile tea, coming up. I said, I can handle a quadruple espresso. I don't care what Google told you.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-17 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-17 Pub. Date: 2019-02-17
Image Number: 176076
Caption: Kelly Facebooked me the other day. She says she's getting married … Dr. Noodle … but that thoughts of me keep tugging at her heart. I replied I didn't know whether to be happy for her, and she wrote she didn't know either. So I wrote Don't marry him! Why do you care? I don't care. I'm way over her. I never even think about her anymore. I just think that, generally speaking, nobody should marry anyone if they're not sure it's going to make them happy. My concern is for all of Kellykind. Do you mean mankind? What did I say?
     
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