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Rudy Park

Comics about dates and dating.

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161. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-15 date 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-15 Pub. Date: 2015-09-15
Image Number: 132591
Caption: Armstrong fired me. I kind of wish I knew why. Who cares why? A real alpha doesn't let himself get fired, little buddy. What you should've done was fire your boss before he had a chance to fire you. That way, thoughts of everything he'd lose would flood his brain and there's a 48.7% chance he'd actually beg you to stay. Isn't that the same number from your book "From Dump-ee to Beg-ee"? Work, romance ... it doesn't matter. All the relationships are the same.
     
162. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-31 date 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-31 Pub. Date: 2015-08-31
Image Number: 131967
Caption: How much did you lose when the stock market tanked last week, Randy? Nada, little buddy. A real man never invests in other people's businesses, he only invests in his own. If you lose on stocks, it's because you didn't research them enough. If you lose on your own business, it's because you gave it your all and it just didn't work out. Ladies see valiant failure as being way hotter than poor-research failure. That's from chapter 12 of my new book, "Randy 'The Rock' Taylor's guide to manvesting." I'll take a copy.
     
163. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-20 date 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-20 Pub. Date: 2015-08-20
Image Number: 131353
Caption: Do you believe in the multiverse, Randy? Of course, little buddy. I am the ultimate specimen of manhood. The paragon of masculinity. Something like that can't be created on the first attempt. Therefore there must be an infinite number of less ideal Randies out there in parallel universes, who can't get dates. You've put a lot of thought into this. I've submitted Randy's cosmological theorem to all the academic journals.
     
164. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-31 date 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-31 Pub. Date: 2015-07-31
Image Number: 130395
Caption: "Ask Sadie Advice Hour," what's your question? I'm seeing two men. One's poor but I'm crazy about him. The other feels more like a friend but he's filthy rich. If I could somehow combine the two of them into one man, he's be the perfect man for me. But I can't, so which one should I keep? Grandma Cohen once told me, "If you've got two suitors you wish you could combine into one, that means neither is right for you." But Grandma Cohen never lived to see the wondrous advances in black-market surgery we enjoy today.
     
165. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-22 date 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-22 Pub. Date: 2015-07-22
Image Number: 130027
Caption: I've never had a real date, because they always refuse to sign the Dutch contract. "The Dutch Contract"? Most relationships fail because of money. Because one party starts to see the other party as a piggy bank. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask prospective dates to swear under oath that they'll always go Dutch on everything. HOJ. Maybe it's the title people object to. A lot of conservatives can't stand anything that sounds European. Yeah. That must be it.
     
166. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-13 date 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-13 Pub. Date: 2015-07-13
Image Number: 129600
Caption: A typical Monday. Zombie Truck-Driving Maniacs! South Pole Penguin Love! That's a stupid eco-friendly chick documentary! Insipid, mindless, violent zombie crud! Negotiations commence, nearly a week before date night. Wimp! Blockbuster head!
     
167. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-12 date 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-12 Pub. Date: 2015-07-12
Image Number: 128758
Caption: My gmail account is full. I can't get any more email. You can't? I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs. People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if and when you were going to reply. And the spam was fun. You never get to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts. Just delete stuff. If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get new emails again. I can't do that. Those emails are the chronicle of my life between 2004 and 2015. When future historians want to see what Rudy Park was saying and experiencing in his prime, this archive will be priceless. I must preserve my emails, much as millennia of sediment preserved the dinosaurs. The Rudysaurus Rex was a dimwitted, slow-moving species. Driven extinct by its lack of dating skills.
     
168. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-06-28 date 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-06-28 Pub. Date: 2015-06-28
Image Number: 128142
Caption: I need a balloon, but they're locked in a cabinet. That's to keep people from making homemade narcotics. I'm not following. Isn't it obvious? When people see balloons, what's the first thing they think of? Kids? Exactly. And that leads to the desire to have kids. Now, when people want to have kids, the first thing they do is try to attract the opposite sex. Which is why our perfume and cologne are also locked in the cabinet, along with the razors and the makeup. Now ... when dates go well, they lead to hanky panky, which leads to babies. Which is why diapers are also locked in the cabinet. Now, babies grow into kids. Kids get sick a lot, which leads to people buying cough syrup. Cough syrup has been used to make illegal drugs. Which is why cough syrup is also locked in the cabinet ... We lock all the ingredients of illegal narcotics in the cabinet. Just get the key and open the cabinet please. Sorry, we keep the key locked in the cabinet. CVX.
     
169. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-06-25 date 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-06-25 Pub. Date: 2015-06-25
Image Number: 128755
Caption: Has anyone ever told you you snore, Rudy? No. That's probably because you're single, you've always been single, and you'll always BE single. Not that there's anything wrong with being utterly alone. I've got 3,800 Facebook friends. Being "alone" is so 20th century.
     
170. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-05-29 date 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-05-29 Pub. Date: 2015-05-29
Image Number: 127573
Caption: Hypothetically speaking, how would you suggest a normal man attract a spectacular woman? "Normal"? Like you and me. I mean, not all guys can work out six hours a day. Not every man can be a muscle-bound oaf whose only apparent quality is his animal magnetism. I can hear you in there! No offense, Randy!
     
171. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-05-21 date 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-05-21 Pub. Date: 2015-05-21
Image Number: 127262
Caption: People see me as a heartless, miserly man whose pursuit of money leaves him with no room for personal relationships. It's taken me a long time to cultivate that image, Randy. But sometimes, when I'm home alone in the cold of the night, I long to feel a warm, comforting body beside me. That's why I've started warming my life-size doll made of $20 bills in the microwave. Is that weird? To each his own.
     
172. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-05-17 date 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-05-17 Pub. Date: 2015-05-17
Image Number: 126205
Caption: We're back, baby! Oh, no. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr. Web. $12.50. I'll have Jell-o. Make that two Jello-os. We're celebrating. The old lady and I are back together again. What? How dare you?! I'm only four months older than you. You're on thin ice, darling. Oh, I'm on thin ice, snookums? Am I the one who invited his freeloading sister to live with us without even a discussion? Am I the one who "accidentally" left the gate open so her husband's beloved dog could run away? ... Dear? You're the one who incessantly rubs all that in my face ... Darling pudding-pie. Make mine for here, but make his to go. No, make mine for here, but make hers to go. Sorry, I'm breaking up with both of you.
     
173. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-05-16 date 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-05-16 Pub. Date: 2015-05-16
Image Number: 126892
Caption: Why on earth would people willingly get into a relationship? Huh? If you're in a serious relationship, you can't be you anymore. You're an "us." The "us" is a tyrant. You can't go out, or choose where to eat, or anything, unless the "us" says it's ok. That's why I've pretty much always been single. Yeeaah ... that must be why.
     
174. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-05-15 date 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-05-15 Pub. Date: 2015-05-15
Image Number: 126891
Caption: Want to go out sometime? Have you heard of the Bechdel Test? It goes like this: You know there's gender bias in fiction if you see at least two women talking, and what they're talking about is men. This conversation totally fails the Bechdel Test, so I want no part of it. But I'm not a woman. There is absolutely no way I will ever let you prove that to me.
     
175. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-04-11 date 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-04-11 Pub. Date: 2015-04-11
Image Number: 125279
Caption: Do you believe in global warming? No, because it snowed last winter. The whole thing's a hoax. Just like the so-called "moon landing". I can't do this. I'm telling you, respecting different opinion triples your dating pool. I'm not that good a swimmer. Maybe a big pool's a bad idea.
     
176. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-03-11 date 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-03-11 Pub. Date: 2015-03-11
Image Number: 124101
Caption: This had better be important. Hillary Clinton has got me thinking, Darlene. For eight years, she's been teasing us about whether she'll run for president. Maybe you've just been teasing me about us all these years. First of all, that's a sexist way to speak about Hillary Clinton. Secondly, I haven't been teasing you, Rudy. I just don't like you like that!!!! So you're saying I've got a chance?
     
177. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-02-15 date 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-02-15 Pub. Date: 2015-02-15
Image Number: 122187
Caption: I have a date tonight. She's coming over. I need to get home and clean it all up. Not so fast, little buddy. Cleaning is a delicate art. Clean too little, and she thinks you're a slob. Clean too much, and she thinks you're hiding something. It's almost as if you haven't read chapter 7 of the manual. What manual? "Mancleaning: By Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." You wrote a whole book about cleaning? It's the follow-up to "How to Reach the Tenth Level of Passion by Feng Shui-ing Your Dust Bunnies." It's all part of my best-selling "MAN-ual" series.
     
178. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-02-06 date 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-02-06 Pub. Date: 2015-02-06
Image Number: 122490
Caption: You've reached Randy, The Dating Doctor. What ails you? My girlfriend. She's always dressing me in clothes I don't like, combing my hair in a way I don't like, and trying to get me to do things I don't like to do. That’s because she was impatient. Instead of finding the man of her dreams, she decided to just turn you into the man of her dreams. Run while you're still you. She replaced my running shoes with flip-flops.
     
179. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-28 date 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-28 Pub. Date: 2015-01-28
Image Number: 122183
Caption: I'm finally done celebrating the State of the Union address. What are you talking about? House of Java.net CyberCafe. Every year after the speech, I drive cross-country and date ladies from every region, and of every race, creed and color. It's my way of spending time with like-minded patriots to celebrate how we're all more similar than we are different. Whether you're in California, the deep south or far-off Hawaii, you're never more than a 2-hour drive from miniature golf. Think about that.
     
180. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-15 date 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-15 Pub. Date: 2015-01-15
Image Number: 121462
Caption: I asked a lady if she wanted to grab a kale smoothie with me. She totally ignored me. Of course she did. Very few ladies are interested in a guy who latches on to the latest fads. It suggests you've got a roving eye, and you'll leave her for someone new later on. Most women like a man who's "classic." Solid. Reliable. Unmoved by the ever-changing winds. That's why I eat nothing but nuts, berries and hippos. If it was good enough for the cavemen, it's good enough for me. I thought cavemen ate brontosauruses.
     
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