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61. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-11-03 customer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-11-03 Pub. Date: 2010-11-03
Image Number: 53692
Caption: Hello, you've reached Loafer Meeks, "The Law Guy"! This outgoing message is brought to you by that homeless man in the alley. Wanna get rid of that annoying pocket-jingle caused by spare change? Stop by today for service with a smile! I can't wait till this recession is over. Also brought to you by Preparation I ... for when H just doesn't cut it.
     
62. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-07-13 customer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-07-13 Pub. Date: 2010-07-13
Image Number: 49538
Caption: Meanwhile, back at Hotel X … Ma'am, I've spoken to the valets and they don't recall parking a pink Audi this morning. Well obviously they were incompetent or drunk. I personally handed my key to a valet. I said I'm not a valet … … and don't change my radio presets! I hate when you people do that! Front Desk. If you people learned to pay attention maybe you'd earn more than minimum wage and tips!
     
63. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-06-05 customer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-06-05 Pub. Date: 2010-06-05
Image Number: 48017
Caption: Hi, this is AT&T. Your monthly payment for your iPhone service is past due. Would you like to pay with a credit card? Yeah, I would. The number is five two thr … sv … zero zero n … f … two one … … eigh … n … ……. … zero. Um … could you repeat that, sir? I'm sorry ... Your adequate service in return for my monthly payment is past due.
     
64. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-01-11 customer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-03-12 Pub. Date: 2008-01-11
Image Number: 21009
Caption: Sir, we can't refund your money. Looks like we already shipped your new hard drive this morning. We've sent it by UPS, so it should arrive within six weeks. UPS doesn't take six weeks. You haven't sent it, you're just stalling for time. I meant we used Fed-Ex. GIVE ME MY REFUND!
     
65. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-01-10 customer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-03-11 Pub. Date: 2008-01-10
Image Number: 21008
Caption: No, Ryan. I no longer want the hard drive. I paid for two-day shipping over a year ago, but it never arrived. Just give me a refund. No problem, sir. Refund checks take about six months to issue. Or you can pay for expedited shipping, and it'll be there in two days. OK.
     
66. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-01-09 customer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-03-10 Pub. Date: 2008-01-09
Image Number: 21007
Caption: Opsleet Computing, Ryan speaking. Ryan, this is a story about a man named Lemont who ordered a hard drive from you. Lemont paid $15 extra for two-day shipping, Ryan. The hard drive never arrived. Lemont is not happy, Ryan. When did Lemont order it? 2006. Lemont should give it a few more days. Lemont is feeling homicidal, Ryan.
     
67. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-02-28 customer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-02-28 Pub. Date: 2010-02-28
Image Number: 44351
Caption: Am I speaking with whoever programs the iPhone's touchscreen keyboard? That's me. Is there a problem? How come when I type something, the cursor often skips around and inserts my new text into text I've already typed? Hmmm. Read me an example, I'll try to diagnose the problem. I tried to send a text that said "Kerry, that movie was awful but you're a lot of fun anyway." The iPhone sent it as "Kerry, that movie was a lot of fun anyway. But you're awful." I see. Here's what's going on ... You must have really fat fingers. ... Excuse me? You keep pigging the "return" key while you type. ... I'll call back after you've had your coffee. Make sure you don't accidentally pudge-dial Microsoft.
     
68. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-02-21 customer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-02-21 Pub. Date: 2010-02-21
Image Number: 44142
Caption: That's funny-looking salt. What's with the salt? It's a blend we have made specially for us. What're all these brown spots? Those are minerals. Iron, phosphorus … mined by hand at the base of the Himalayas. Wow. They give it a tangy aftertaste you can't find anywhere else. I see. And these cobwebs? Silken decorations weaved specifically for us.
     
69. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-02-16 customer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-02-16 Pub. Date: 2010-02-16
Image Number: 44137
Caption: I must've left your case file in my library. I'll go get it. The Law Guy. You don't have a library. I've been here before. It's just this one room. And the bathroom. There are any number of ways we can change the subject here. YOU HANDLE MY CASE FROM THE TOILET?! That's not one of them.
     
70. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-02-15 customer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-02-15 Pub. Date: 2010-02-15
Image Number: 44136
Caption: Because … of … the … bad … economy … I've … had … to … The Law Guy. Raise … my … STOP IT!!! Hourly … rate …
     
71. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-09-18 customer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-09-18 Pub. Date: 2009-09-18
Image Number: 38472
Caption: So you say you suddenly realized you wanted to spend the rest of your life with Susan. Yeah. And this happened at the exact same time you decided you desperately wanted OUT of your relationship with Roxanne. I fail to see what you're getting at. Fascinating.
     
72. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-09-17 customer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-09-17 Pub. Date: 2009-09-17
Image Number: 38471
Caption: That's interesting. Let's explore that feeling. Ok … My appointment was for 4:30. But you didn't get here till 5. So I don't think it's fair for you to charge me for the entire hour. Fascinating. And why do you feel th- STOP THAT!
     
73. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-09-12 customer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-09-12 Pub. Date: 2009-09-12
Image Number: 38146
Caption: I'm going to have to stop now. Wait, I thought the rate was $100 an hour. It is. I take Massacard, by the way. Yeah, but we started at 4:30 and it's only 5:30. Why's the session over? Therapy works on the 50-minute hour. … … Because customers are too crazy to realize 50 minutes is not an hour?
     
74. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-08-02 customer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-08-02 Pub. Date: 2009-08-02
Image Number: 36968
Caption: Thanks for agreeing to meet me. You have till I'm done with this salad. Susan, losing you made me see myself through your eyes and I didn't like what I saw. … I was an insensitive jerk. But I've done a lot of work on myself these last few months, Susan. Pass the ketchup. Why do you want ketchup? ... Anyway, we had something special. Please give me another chance. Snookums, I've changed. Did you save room for dessert, ma'am? No thanks. I'm watching her weight. Note to self: Never pass the ketchup.
     
75. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-07-26 customer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-26 Pub. Date: 2009-07-26
Image Number: 36433
Caption: You're right, Mr. Brown. We sent you a misleading ad suggesting that if you'd consolidate all your debt onto our card, that would help lead to good credit. Then when your other creditors saw the large balance you put on our card, they thought you were a credit risk and lowered your credit limits. ... And since that was OUR FAULT, it's wrong for us to lower your credit limit just because other creditors lowered their limits. One second .. Ok, I've restored your high credit limit. Please accept our apologies. Wow, I didn't expect y-- Hey, Big L ... Here's all the money you ever loaned me since we was kids. With interest. NOOOOOOO!!!!
     
76. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-07-05 customer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-05 Pub. Date: 2009-07-05
Image Number: 35949
Caption: Would you like a lid for your mocha, sir? Seriously? Do I look like I need an ADULT SIPPY CUP? I'm a grown man. I've been drinking from big boys cups from decades now. No thanks. She needs one, though. She didn't order anything.
     
77. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-04-09 customer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-04-09 Pub. Date: 2009-04-09
Image Number: 31471
Caption: Hello, You've reached Feudalbanc Massacard. If you're calling to ask why we gave our CEO a $35 million bonus even though we're almost bankrupt, say "one." If you're falling off a cliff and want to know if you can afford to call an ambulance, say "two." Two. We have to pay absurd bonuses to keep the people who wrecked the company from leaving. "Two"! I said "Two"!
     
78. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-04-08 customer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-04-08 Pub. Date: 2009-04-08
Image Number: 31470
Caption: Listen, I've been paying Dubble Cross $250/month for your "100% emergency coverage plan"… … So that in the event I were to, let's say, fall off a cliff, you'd pay for the ambulance that saves my life. Sir, that's 100% of "allowable" charges. We don't cover extravagances. Extravagances?! If you'd like to upgrade to our premium membership, we'll cover luxuries like ambulances, bandages, oxygen...
     
79. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-04-07 customer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-04-07 Pub. Date: 2009-04-07
Image Number: 31469
Caption: Hello, you've reached Dubble Cross Health Insurance. Hi, I've fallen off a cliff. Before I call 911, I just want to make sure you're going to cover the ambulance charges. Of course! We will cover 100% (of whatever we decide to pay.) Great! Wait… What?
     
80. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-22 customer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-22 Pub. Date: 2009-03-22
Image Number: 30979
Caption: Today. Dear Feudalbanc Massacard customer, we've decreased your credit limit from $980 to $250 because one of your creditors recently increased your APR. Yesterday, 2pm. Dear Feudalbanc Massacard customer, we've raised your APR from 3.99% to 29.99% because one of your creditors recently decreased your credit limit. Yesterday, 9am. Dear Feudalbanc Massacard customer, we've decreased your credit limit from $12,400 to $950 because you have a high balance on a recently opened card. The day before yesterday. Dear Feudalbanc Massacard customer, you're pre-approved for a SECOND Feudalbanc card! Consolidate ALL YOUR DEBT onto it, and you'll be on your way to better credit!
     
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