I did a bad thing. You cheated on Laurel. I cheated on Lau … huh, how did you know? The signs are so clear. You think I've never cheated on a girlfriend with a team of NFL cheerleaders I met on a cross-country bus? This is bad enough without you making me feel inferior! Was it the 49ers? The Jets? Say hi for me.
I'm finally done celebrating the State of the Union address. What are you talking about? House of Java.net CyberCafe. Every year after the speech, I drive cross-country and date ladies from every region, and of every race, creed and color. It's my way of spending time with like-minded patriots to celebrate how we're all more similar than we are different. Whether you're in California, the deep south or far-off Hawaii, you're never more than a 2-hour drive from miniature golf. Think about that.