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Rudy Park

Comics about coffee .

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-22 coffee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-22 Pub. Date: 2018-04-22
Image Number: 170203
Caption: Of course I can get you a double-caffeine espresso. You … you can? Coffee King. You mean my usual café hasn't blacklisted me throughout the tri-county area like they said they did? You mean to tell me my cardiologist and my crabby wife haven't sent every cafe do not serve this man posters like they said they did? Well in that case, hurry up and give it to me before the old battleaxe finds a parking spot! Oh, don't worry. There's a convention next door. She'll be circling the block for hours. How do you like your gentle-flower chamomile tea? People who double-park should burn forever in the fiery pits of hell.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-20 coffee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-20 Pub. Date: 2018-04-20
Image Number: 170596
Caption: How come when I ordered my coffee, you told me the deep state is out to get our president? Because it is, Randy. Also, all news about dear leader is fake, except for the news that tells you about how all the news is fake. What? What are you doing? Did the boss put you up to this? That's fake news. Did your boss happen to strike a deal with Sinclair Broadcasting? Also, white supremacists aren't all that ba -- Oh, I just can't do it.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-03-11 coffee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-03-11 Pub. Date: 2018-03-11
Image Number: 168763
Caption: What are you scribbling on your pad there, nephew? I ordered a quintuple espresso with extra caffeine, and right away you started scribbling. Is it about me? You're not documenting my orders and passing them on to my wife, or my doctors, are you? I'm a grown man! I can handle anything! I've been drinking coffee since before you were born, you traitorous, whippersnapping tattle-tale! Will I go unreported if I downgrade to a quadruple? Does whippersnapping have on p or two?
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-01 coffee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-01 Pub. Date: 2018-02-01
Image Number: 167932
Caption: Rudy, it's come to my attention you've spilled 348 gallons of coffee and tea. What? I did not! I'm talking over the course of the last 16 years. Don't bother denying it, every time you've spilled a drop, Gunther measured it. Gunther? Who's Gunther? That's what I named him. He came here on a low-skilled work visa. He's been working under the floorboards ever since it expired. Very bad man.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-31 coffee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-31 Pub. Date: 2018-01-31
Image Number: 167931
Caption: Let me tell you a story: The year was 1988. I was living in Detroit at the time. A young man named Matt Bennett spilled a drop of coffee on my shoe. He apologized profusely. I said, That's ok, dear, and we got to chatting. Turned out he was organizing a campaign stop for Michael Dukakis. So I told him You know what would make be vote for your boss? Show us he's tough. Maybe put him in a tank, and put a huge helmet on him. Show me he's an alpha male. I said I was sorry for spilling your tea. I will ruin you.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-14 coffee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-14 Pub. Date: 2018-01-14
Image Number: 166645
Caption: I've been told I can order a small mocha. Told? Because of my heart rate and activity level over the past seven days, I've been allotted a daily limit of 1,426 calories. I'm told that's just enough to include one small mocha. Hold on … there's vibrating ... Hold on ... hold on ... buffering ... Bing! Fitness overlords says I'm one calorie away from a medium mocha. It says yelling burns one calorie. I've got to get that app.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-06 coffee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-06 Pub. Date: 2017-12-06
Image Number: 165717
Caption: Rudy, how come you're not wearing the new uniform? You were serious? You seriously want me to dress like a robot? Of course I do, minion. My nightly perusal of customers' web searches indicates most of them are feeling a bit antisocial lately. They'd probably buy more coffee from a robot than a human. Oh wait ... new web searches coming in. I'm going to need you to dress like a sexy robot. Very bad man.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-03 coffee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-03 Pub. Date: 2017-12-03
Image Number: 165381
Caption: Triple espresso. Forget it, Uncle Mort. Let's face facts: You're not as young as you used to me. Too much caffeine can literally kill you. Poppycock! Do you know who you're talking to? When we stormed across Europe under Patton, my tank battalion got stuck in the mud during a torrential downpour. Arty Lang switched my canteen full of rainwater with one full of tank gas. So I replaced his tank's timing belt with tree bark and dental floss. That big galoot and I were always pranking each other like that. It was different times. Don't judge. What were we talking about, again? You were ordering the gentle flower chamomile tea.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-26 coffee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-26 Pub. Date: 2017-11-26
Image Number: 165380
Caption: Quadruple espresso. Sorry, Uncle Mort. I'm gonna have to cut you off. I'm old! I can drink as much as I want, whenever I want! You think I got this old without knowing what I can and can't handle? Sorry. See?! I told you I -- Zzz. A barista should always follow his instincts
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-27 coffee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-27 Pub. Date: 2017-08-27
Image Number: 161424
Caption: Excuse me, sir, if it's not too much trouble … Hi, Democrats. What can I get you? Coffee Sandwiches? An explanation. We introduced our bold new plan last month: "A Better Deal," but the progressives still aren't impressed. What more could they ask for? We focus-group tested the heck out of the slogan. It was the least objectionable and least un-inspiring of the bunch! It evokes FDR's "New Deal" and LBJ's "Fair Deal" without over-promising. We don't want to risk over-promising. It even sounded progressive! We mentioned tax credits to retrains workers, a $15 minimum wage (eventually), regulating prescription drug prices, and busting monopolies, maybe. We even said we'd think about forming a committee to consider considering sing-payer health care, among many other more corporate-donor-friendly options that aren't single-payer. And we introduced it with an editorial vowing not to expand government or move our party in one direction or another along the political spectrum. Bold! So why didn't that fire up the progressive base? ... Hello?
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-23 coffee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-23 Pub. Date: 2017-07-23
Image Number: 160100
Caption: Your usual ginseng pumpernickel ostrich-sweat latte? No thanks. I wanna try something different today. The pecan praline white chocolate mocha's also good. Ooh, that sounds good. I'll have one of those. But can you substitute macadamia nut for the pecan? That'll take some work, but it's doable. Thank you. and can you substitute turkey tears for the praline? Turkey tears sound good. And can you substitute pureed bagel for the mocha? Pureed bagel sounds lovely. I see where this is going. And can you substitute ginseng for macadamia nut, ostrich-swear for turkey tears, ginseng for praline, and pumpernickel for the bagel?
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-20 coffee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-20 Pub. Date: 2017-07-20
Image Number: 160522
Caption: I tripped just now over by your bathroom. If I took this to court, I could get six figures. But I'll settle out of court for a lifetime supply of free coffee and donuts. We just had a huge earthquake. If you fell, it was probably because of that. You guys failed to think ahead and put in bouncy floors. Get out.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-04 coffee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-04 Pub. Date: 2017-06-04
Image Number: 158198
Caption: I've never been in here before. What's your best drink? That'd be the Gambler's Mocha. Sounds interesting. What's in it? Oh … a little of this, a little of that. For all you know, it's a smooth blend of hand-mixed Amedei Porcelana dark chocolate from Tuscany ... and Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee beans, hand-picked by sherpas 5,000 feet above sea level precisely at sunset ... topped with a light whip of frozen Arctic sea foam, and black diamond cream from Dubai ... for all you know ... Or it could be day-old sludge made with tap water from Flint? I thought you said you'd never been here before. Siri, where's the nearest Starbucks?
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-21 coffee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-21 Pub. Date: 2017-05-21
Image Number: 157666
Caption: Ask Sadie. Our resident surly lass answers actual reader questions sent to rudy@rudypark.com, and posts answers to www.rudypark.com. Dear Sadie, My husband keeps leaving his stuff all over the place and expecting me to pick up after him. How do I get through to him that this isn't the 1950s? - Angry in Anaheim. What is wrong with you?! He doesn't "expect you" to clean up after him! He doesn't care whether you leave his boxers on the coffee table or not. You are the one who cares. You are the only one who cares if things get picked up or not. He would only start caring at the point where the pile gets high enough to block his view of the tv. It's as if you've never even heard of the male species. Ask Sadie, baby!
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-31 coffee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-31 Pub. Date: 2017-03-31
Image Number: 156360
Caption: Two words, boss: Virtual reality. We glue virtual reality goggles to our coffee mugs. Come again? When patrons sip their Himalayan mochas, they'll think they're dangling from a cliff in the Himalayan mountains. People will come from Miles around! People will throw up for miles around. We'll give patrons mops that double as virtual reality hockey sticks. This conversation is virtually over.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-28 coffee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-28 Pub. Date: 2017-02-28
Image Number: 155085
Caption: I suppose you'd like to know why I summoned you here at 3am, minion. Not really. My studies show there's a 0.0067% uptick in coffee sales when you appear sleepier than the patrons. Come again? My theory is that's because seeing you falling asleep on your feet subconsciously makes customers feel like they need more caffeine ... From now on, you're only to sleep three non-consecutive hours per day. Very bad mazzzzz ...
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-12 coffee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-12 Pub. Date: 2017-02-12
Image Number: 153530
Caption: One coffee. Strong. Ok, Democrats. That'll be $200. $200?! Why? That's outrageous. We won't stand for that! Am I right, everyone? I don't know. Why don't we ask him why that cup of coffee is $200? Maybe he has a good reason. Well … I suppose you're right. Seems like robbery to me, but we shouldn't stoop to his level by saying "forget it." Someone has to be the adult in the room. Why's it $200? Just because. Outrage!!! This will not stand! We'll take it. We will? Of course. We don't want to be just as rude as he is. But we will insist on extra sugar. Extra sugar packet is $27. Outrageous! ... Ok.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-31 coffee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-31 Pub. Date: 2017-01-31
Image Number: 153978
Caption: Did you say we import our coffee beans from Chernobyl? Isn't that place a nuclear wasteland? That's culturally insensitive. Chernobyl is a beautiful land of glowing trees and three-headed mooses with raccoon tails. The brave and selfless tribe of hard-working grotesque mutants who hunt our coffee beans for us prefers "post-natural wilderness" to "nuclear wasteland." This is disgu -- Wait, what do you mean "hunt" our coffee beans? Don't get all bleeding-heart about it. The beans skittering around and chucking spears is no evidence they're sentient.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-30 coffee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-30 Pub. Date: 2017-01-30
Image Number: 153977
Caption: Boss, are you sure I should dump our toxic waste in the creek? Of course, minion. Little known fact … While everyone was obsessed with Trump's inauguration crowd size, he quietly froze all grants and contracts by the Environmental Protection Agency. The township's Department of Monitoring-Toxic-Waste-in-the-Creek lost its funding and had to lay off its inspectors. Why do we even have toxic waste? We're a cafe. No reason. Say, did you know it's .07% cheaper to import coffee beans from Chernobyl?
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-01 coffee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-01 Pub. Date: 2017-01-01
Image Number: 152000
Caption: Quadruple espresso, please. No caffeine for you, Uncle Mort. Doctor's orders. Doctors schmoctors. What do those ivy league elitists know? Pardon? If I think caffeine's exactly what I need, who are they to tell me otherwise? They're your doctors. How condescending of these arrogant "doctors" to think they know more than I do about my own bone strength and blood pressure. This is Donald Trump's America. Where the homespun beliefs of the common man trump the knowledge of specialists. Make my coffee great again!!! Nice try, Uncle Mort.
     
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