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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-08 client 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-08 Pub. Date: 2019-04-08
Image Number: 177113
Caption: California accounted for 75% of all new jobs in February. Pareto Principle. It's how the world works. 20% of the people own 80% of the land. 20% of my clients give me 80% of my sales. I bet if we studies it, we'd find that 20% of what happens to us gives us 80% of our memories. Technically, California only has 12% of the population, not 20%. 20% of the time, you get 80% of the point.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-29 client 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-29 Pub. Date: 2019-01-29
Image Number: 176032
Caption: I'm sorry, Dick Fink. What was that you were saying about Aristotle? I was saying, he'd be a great spokesman for an ad campaign. You should pitch it to that big client you just landed. Smarty-smart genius brain academy? Exactly. What would impress them more than an entire campaign based on the wisest philosopher in history? Aristotle was a moron ... are you trying to sabotage me? You're scolding me. Aristotle said women were more apt to scold.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-19 client 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-19 Pub. Date: 2018-08-19
Image Number: 173372
Caption: It all started when … hired me to … they flew me to … to meet the CEO. Dr. Noodle. I was so excited. I'd never been to … before. They took me to a reception for their biggest clients. There was wine and cheese and an awesome … best I've ever … That's when they brought out the 900-pound ... and the albatross. They all started ... around them. They stripped off all their clothes, and beneath them they were all wearing robes made of actual living ... Look, there's abiding by a nondisclosure agreement, and then there's paranoia. I think they may have bugged my ...
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-30 client 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-30 Pub. Date: 2018-07-30
Image Number: 173240
Caption: Dick, when I got to work today, everything in my office had been moved a few inches to the left. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you? I don't know what you mean, Ms. Garcia. You should like you're imagining things. Maybe you need to take some time off. I could take over your client list while you're recuperating. Just to help out. No, thanks, Dick. I'll be fine. You're excused. You sure? I could book you a relaxing cruise to Syria. Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-24 client 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-24 Pub. Date: 2018-03-24
Image Number: 169631
Caption: So how was your week, Susan? So-so. I brought in a huge client. And then we lost a different one. I met a great guy. And the next morning I met his girlfriend. I found a perfect parking spot. And then I got a parking ticket. I finally had time to read a novel I'd been dying to read. But it turned out to be horrible. Forget I asked. Someone finally asked me how my week went, but ...
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-28 client 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-28 Pub. Date: 2017-11-28
Image Number: 165418
Caption: Of course my mama's fine. She has a memory like a steel trap. She remembers every cute thing I ever said to her. She remembers every time I snuck out to meet a boy. She remembers every time I called her to tell her I won a new client. She just doesn't remember she remembers all that. I just remembered the definition of "denial."
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-07 client 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-07 Pub. Date: 2016-09-07
Image Number: 148216
Caption: Good news, Lemont! I can watch your son for you while you're in Canada. What? You mean it? You won't be "washing your hair," or "having client meetings," or "visiting your aunt in Cameroon" … or any of the other reasons you've always given me for why you can never baby-sit? By "I," I mean Olga, the nanny I hired for while you're in Canada. Dios mio.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-08 client 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-08 Pub. Date: 2016-07-08
Image Number: 145506
Caption: … so then they offered me a raise. But it wasn't as much of a raise as I deserved. That's when I reminded them I've personally brought in 72% of our major clients … and that most of those clients have asked to work only with me … so they added $50k per year to their offer. I found a $20 bill in my couch the other day.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-12 client 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-12 Pub. Date: 2016-06-12
Image Number: 143982
Caption: It all started when … hired me to … they flew me to … to meet the CEO. Dr. Noodle. I was so excited. I'd never been to … before. They took me to a reception for their biggest clients. There was wine and cheese and an awesome … best I've ever … That's when they brought out the 900-pound ... and the albatross. They all started ... around them. They stripped off all their clothes, and beneath then they were all wearing robes made of actual living ... Look, there's abiding by a non-disclosure agreement, and then there's paranoia. I think they may have bugged my ...
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-11 client 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-11 Pub. Date: 2016-02-11
Image Number: 138874
Caption: Dick, when I got to work today, everything in my office had been moved a few inches to the left. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you? Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006. I don't know what you mean, Ms. Garcia. You sound like you're imagining things. Maybe you need to take some time off. I could take over your client list while you're recuperating. Just to help out. No thanks, Dick. I'll be fine. You're excused. You sure? I could book you a relaxing cruise to Syria.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-01 client 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-01 Pub. Date: 2013-11-01
Image Number: 103221
Caption: The ad agency of McMahon, Tate, Stevens & Evans may be plotting a hostile takeover. This is bad for everyone. Us, clients … everyone. You don't know that. Name one major merger that didn't lead to massive layoffs and price increases. There was the time Detective Munch from "Homicide" joined "Law & Order SVU." IN REAL LIFE. (Cartoon originally published 2011-04-22 and 2013-03-15).
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-03-24 client 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-03-24 Pub. Date: 2013-03-24
Image Number: 94390
Caption: Gregs-list.org. Jobs: TV-video/find talent. Trained polar bear for commercial. Search. Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006. Gregs-list.org. Results: EXPERIENCED, trained polar bear available for freelance work. 20 years of commercial, film and television experience. Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006. Multiple awards, including an Oscar, a Clio, and a Blue Ribbon at the Los Angeles County Fair. Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006. Recent clients include Tyler Perry, Burger Queen, Taco Alarm and Animal Planet. Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006. My day rate is six endangered seals and two fishermen all doused in oyster sauce. Please send details about your project and note whether your skull is sweet or tangy. Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-03-15 client 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-03-15 Pub. Date: 2013-03-15
Image Number: 94592
Caption: The ad agency of McMahon, Tate, Stevens & Evans may be plotting a hostile takeover. This is bad for everyone. Us, clients … everyone. You don't know that. Name one major merger that didn't lead to massive layoffs and price increases. There was the time Detective Munch from "Homicide" joined "Law & Order SVU." IN REAL LIFE. (Cartoon originally published 2011-04-22).
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-10-28 client 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-10-28 Pub. Date: 2011-10-28
Image Number: 67158
Caption: Judge Dubois delivers her decision. Custody cases are rarely this cut and dry. On one hand, we have a father who's suffered from psychotic delusions, has no money, and spends time with unsavory characters … And on the other hand, we have a mother who happens to be my daughter ... We're dead. Whom I personally know to be crazy-making, lying, manipulative, free-loading, and is, herself, the epitome of an unsavory character.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-10-27 client 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-10-27 Pub. Date: 2011-10-27
Image Number: 67157
Caption: Hello, Lemont. I just wanted to wish you luck and show you there are no hard feelings. Well … Thanks, Roxanne. In fact, after mother … I mean, the judge … grants me full custody, I promise only to tell our son about your many shortcomings in the most positive light. My attorney tell me I have a good chance, Roxanne. We've given the judge a lot to think about. The judge is ready to rule?! It's only been thirty seconds! We're dead! We're ... Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't see you standing there. How much of that did you ... Maybe I'll do you a favor and not tell him about you at all.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-10-26 client 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-10-26 Pub. Date: 2011-10-26
Image Number: 67156
Caption: Closing Arguments. Your honor, that was a very moving closing by Mr. Brown's attorney. I'd like to point out two things, though. Yes, it was brave of Mr. Brown to fight for custody of his son even though his flaws are many and readily apparent to all, but ... My client, Roxanne, is your daughter. That's number one. Number two is ... Just kidding. We really don't need a number two, do we? I think I do.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-10-25 client 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-10-25 Pub. Date: 2011-10-25
Image Number: 67155
Caption: Closing Arguments. Your honor, there are many reasons to deny my client custody of his son. He's black and poor, the mother's white and rich. He hangs with thugs and nobodies, she hobnobs with the rich and politically connected. But your honor … My client knows all this. And he came here anyway, knowing all his flaws would be exposed and ridiculed! What does that tell you, your honor? That he's an idiot? That he's a moron? That he loves his son that much!
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-10-24 client 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-10-24 Pub. Date: 2011-10-24
Image Number: 67154
Caption: Closing Arguments. Your honor, you've heard a lot of reasons why Lemont Brown should not be given custody of Lionel. You've heard that his friends are thugs, liars and miscreants. You've heard he's a poor, pudgy Star Trek fanatic who may be mentally unhinged and never calls his mother. Get to the "but" already! Haha, you said "butt!"
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-10-03 client 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-10-03 Pub. Date: 2011-10-03
Image Number: 66211
Caption: I'm giving the closing argument tonight in Lemont Brown's custody hearing. Billy Meeks, Kid Lawyer. He's got no chance. I think instead of showing up, I'll get a "stomache," fake my own death, and move to Disneyland to start a new life. Um ... Lemont? Billy here. Disregard that text, it was meant for my friend Clem, and hat totally nothing at all to do with you.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-07-13 client 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-07-13 Pub. Date: 2011-07-13
Image Number: 63189
Caption: To prove Lemont is insane, Roxanne's lawyer questions an eyewitness … Did Mr. Brown ever say anything to you about Roxanne Dubois? He said she snored, had lousy taste in music, didn't appreciate the subtle humor of "I Dream of Jeanne," and that she's a 400-year-old vampire. Would you characterize that as "crazy"? Of course. Everyone knows "Bewitched" was much better. What? What?
     
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