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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-31 celebrity 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-31 Pub. Date: 2019-01-31
Image Number: 176034
Caption: Dick Fink is such a jerk. He suggested I pitch Aristotle as a celebrity spokesman to Smarty-Smart Genius Brain Academy. Aristotle was wrong so often. If I'd taken Dick Rink's advice, I'd have looked like an ignoramus. Which I'm sure was Dick Fink's plan. So I pitched it my way. They loved it. it went viral. It's a really funny ad campaign about how the desire to correct Aristotle's goofy ideas was the foundation of modern science. Kind of like how your desire to sabotage Dick Fink's sabotage is the foundation of your best ad campaigns.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-18 celebrity 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-18 Pub. Date: 2018-08-18
Image Number: 173504
Caption: 1982. Why do you like me, Lemont? Because you believe me. When I told the class that Meadowlark Lemon gave me a Harlem Globetrotters basketball and bought me ice cream, they all laughed. But you didn't. That's why you're my best friend. I can tell you anything, Susan. Why, I remember telling you that I ran into Sulu from Star Trek, and he told me I looked familiar, and he gave me a pat on the head. I don't remember you saying any of that nonsense. I also like you because you're a very good listener.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-05 celebrity 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-05 Pub. Date: 2018-04-05
Image Number: 170151
Caption: 1983. You know what would be really cool? If Eddie Murphy was president. Why Eddie Murphy? Because his State of the Union speeches would be hilarious. He could dress in a leather suit, do funny voices, cuss a lot … The only thing standing in his way is that he's an entertainer. And America is too serious to put an entertainer in charge. Ronald Reagan's in charge now. That's different. Momma says he was never all that entertaining.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-15 celebrity 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-15 Pub. Date: 2017-12-15
Image Number: 166005
Caption: Ok, I'll go with you to see "Star Wars." But I'm not dressing up as Princess Leia this time. Too painful. I don't want to go to the ladies room, catch a glimpse of my Leia hairbuns, and start crying. I know exactly how you feel. I'm not dressing as Han Solo this time, either. Harrison Ford is still alive. Han Solo wasn't a real person, Lemont. It's not the same. Yeah, but Carrie Fisher's the one I'll see onscreen. In a way, she's still alive too.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-05 celebrity 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-05 Pub. Date: 2017-10-05
Image Number: 163373
Caption: Lemont, you run the seventh most popular news and opinion site online. Why don't you start a Youtube show too? It would be huge. No thanks. I've got principles. It's wrong to crave fame and celebrity. I'm not that full of myself. (Sigh) … Is this about how you're scared to death of public speaking? I'm not "scared to death." I'm principled to death.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-14 celebrity 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-14 Pub. Date: 2017-09-14
Image Number: 162600
Caption: I don't want to be that guy, but … But what? Well … you notice anything about all the old sitcoms they're bringing back? "Full House" … "Will & Grace" … "Roseanne" … "Gilmore Girls" … How come nobody's talking about bringing back "227" … "A Different World" ... "Living Single" ... "Family Matters" ... "Moesha" ... "The Cosby Show" ... Stop trying to change the subject and admit you lost that argument we had two weeks ago. Wait, wait ... scratch "The Cosby Show."
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-09 celebrity 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-09 Pub. Date: 2017-09-09
Image Number: 162347
Caption: My son keeps loading 'The Cosby Show' on Hulu. What fo'? Cosby ain't never been funny. He always been boring as @#$% an' I ain't never liked him. Cosby ain't nothin' now, Cosby ain't never been nothin', and I always thought he was creepy. People always try to go back and pretend they were right about someone all along. He ain't never made me laugh. Not even once!
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-01 celebrity 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-01 Pub. Date: 2017-09-01
Image Number: 162091
Caption: Hey, Clyde. Wanna go hang out on the roof? Don’t you do that with Susan? Where she at? She's not talking to me right now. I told her I couldn't just take Joss Whedon's wife's account of their marriage at face value, because people sometimes don't tell the entire truth. Them's your mistake, bruh. You shoulda had just one thing to say 'bout the whole issue: "I don't care 'bout that." I think that's a dangerous philosophy. If something's in the news we've got to care. Wanna know why? I don't care 'bout that.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-31 celebrity 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-31 Pub. Date: 2017-08-31
Image Number: 162090
Caption: I got into a Twitter feud wit @joanwalsh. @davidshuster asked her and @joyannreid to apologize for using the term "alt left." I backed him up. When they and @govhowarddean used the term against progressives, they helped validate it. And that helps @realdonaldtrump neutralize the toxicity of the term "alt right" ... which makes it harder to fight white supremacy. I think I won. I'm going to give @govhowarddean a piece of my mind too. Are you @trying to @change-the-subject because you're @losing the @argument about @josswhedon's @divorce? It's just @joss. And I'm @changing-the-subject because it's @none-of-our-business.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-22 celebrity 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-22 Pub. Date: 2017-01-22
Image Number: 152909
Caption: I'm so over 2017. Dr. Noodle. I was looking forward to it, but now it can't end too soon for me. I thought it was going to be like old times. I thought I'd get to see what she could do. With her talent and strength, there was so much she could have accomplished. Instead, we're left with a lot less light and a lot more darkness. Now who's going to save the republic from that spoiled little angry, narcissistic baby-man? I miss Carrie Fisher too. General Leia Organa was our only hope.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-27 celebrity 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-27 Pub. Date: 2016-12-27
Image Number: 152625
Caption: No, momma, I don't think you should get a reverse mortgage. Why? Well, you know Steve Mnuchin, the guy Donald Trump appointed Treasury Secretary? The bank he ran used to convince old people to get reverse mortgages, then they foreclosed on a lot of those houses for the tiniest of reasons. They foreclosed on one home for an unpaid bill of 27 cents. Yes, I know Magnum P.I. said it's not a scam to steal your house. But if they have to SAY that ... (Sigh) ... Yes, momma, I know how you love Magnum P.I.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-01 celebrity 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-01 Pub. Date: 2016-12-01
Image Number: 151553
Caption: 2016 turned out to be our best year in recorded history. Well … American history, anyway. We still have a ways to go before we match what the German branch did back in the '30s. Fear, Inc. But still … we convinced half the country that savages were either coming to kill them or take their jobs. And we convinced the other half that most of the country is racist and hateful. We also got Kanye West to completely flip out onstage. I'm proud of that one. Fear, Inc.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-13 celebrity 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-13 Pub. Date: 2016-07-13
Image Number: 145818
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? I always ask myself one question when I cover a politician in my own party. "What would I think if this person were in the opposing party?" People are hypocrites, Susan. We tend to give a pass to people in our own parties. But I'm a journalist: I have an obligation to be candid. Even if it causes people to stop visiting my blog. So ... you're thinking of writing an article about Clinton? That's an awfully strong grip you have there.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-30 celebrity 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-30 Pub. Date: 2016-05-30
Image Number: 143918
Caption: Bill Cosby's standing trial for criminal sexual assault in Pennsylvania. It's shocking, Susan … Shocking that it doesn't shock me at all to say that anymore. We get used to anything. And I don't know whether that's good or bad. I'm still shocked. Maybe you're just jaded. Eh ... I've heard that a million times.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-29 celebrity 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-29 Pub. Date: 2016-05-29
Image Number: 143396
Caption: Whachoo think of Hillary Clinton, bruh? I think she's not Donald Trump. George W. Bush was not Donald Trump, either. You know who else wasn't Donald Trump? Herbert Hoover wasn't Donald Trump. The best thing about Trump is, he's helped me realize there've been an awful lot of Americans who haven't appealed to our baser instincts. By comparison, I now respect a lot more people than I used to. And that makes me happy. But whachoo think of Hillary Clinton? Justin Bieber is no Donald Trump.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-22 celebrity 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-22 Pub. Date: 2016-05-22
Image Number: 143085
Caption: 1984. Do you think Terrence likes me, Lemont? Who's "Terrence"? I don't know any "Terrence." I know a "Turbo," and a "C-dog," and a "Rerun," and a "Big Oatmeal," and a "Greazy." I know a "Night Court," a "Shorty," a "Cheese-face," a "Rocky," and "Airwolf," a "Riptide," a "Boss," a "Voltron," a "Schoolbreak Special," and a "Big Cheeto." In fact, I'm pretty sure if there was a "Terrence" in our class, he'd go to great lengths to make sure none of us ever knew it. You've asked me an unanswerable question, Susan. The fact he told you his name was "Terrence" is either proof he loves you or proof he's trying to push you away. How come you don't have a nickname? The only on I wanted was "Prince," but living up to it would be too much pressure.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-07 celebrity 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-07 Pub. Date: 2016-03-07
Image Number: 140178
Caption: Donald Trump's not going to win. He's a joke. Not worried about him. That's why you should worry about him!!! What do you mean? Every time an impossible candidate wins, it's because people "didn't worry about him." No one worried about Nixon. Nixon was a has-been. No one worried about Reagan. Reagan was a joke. Barack Obama ... he was a nobody. Who would Trump put on the Supreme Court: Judge Judy? Every time you say that, the Trump smiles.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-03 celebrity 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-03 Pub. Date: 2016-03-03
Image Number: 139627
Caption: 1983. You know what would be really cool? If Eddie Murphy was president. Why Eddie Murphy? Because his State of the Union speeches would be hilarious. He could dress in a leather suit, do funny voices, cuss a lot … The only thing standing in his way is that he's an entertainer. And America is too serious to put an entertainer in charge. Ronald Reagan's in charge now. That's different. Momma says he was never all that entertaining.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-27 celebrity 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-27 Pub. Date: 2016-02-27
Image Number: 139565
Caption: Philip Seymour Hoffman … Cory Monteith … Heath Ledger … All died from drugs. Guess what they all have in common? THEY'RE ALL FROM HOLLYWEIRD! This proves Hollywood is a bastion of perversion, depravity and sickness. Drug addiction happens everywhere, to all sorts of people. Who told you that, Hollyweird? (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-02-15).
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-07 celebrity 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-07 Pub. Date: 2015-09-07
Image Number: 132201
Caption: I'll be sitting front row center at Trump's press conference. So? I'll be sitting front row center at the Kanye concert. It's not a competition, Clyde. I know, fool. He the only one performing. What? What?
     
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