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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-29 career 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-29 Pub. Date: 2019-06-29
Image Number: 178260
Caption: Have you ever thought of being a nun, Sadie? Of course. Years ago I dreamt of converting and becoming a cloistered nun. I thought it would be the one vocation that would take advantage of all my talents. But that was before I discovered that nuns being abusive, vindictive, soul-crushing harpies was just a stereotype. Besides, the vow of chastity would've put a serious hitch in my get-along. Conversation over now.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-01 career 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-01 Pub. Date: 2019-05-01
Image Number: 177385
Caption: So what if you didn't win some big award, Lemont. You're very accomplished. I am? Yeah. You've worked so long and hard at what you love to do that you haven't even noticed. You've turned your passion into a career. There's no better award than that. Thieves can turn their passion into a career, Susan. It's nothing special. Dios mio.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-05 career 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-05 Pub. Date: 2019-03-05
Image Number: 176625
Caption: 1982. What do you want to be when you grow up, Lemont. I want to be a journalist. I'll be like Woodward and Bernstein. I'll report on man's inhumanity toward a man and bring down presidents and have a movie made about me. I'm just not sure who would play me. I've narrowed it down to Sidney Poitier and Richard Pryor. I haven't completely ruled out Mr. T. How about Gary Coleman.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-07 career 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-07 Pub. Date: 2019-01-07
Image Number: 175736
Caption: What's the best way to ask my boss for a promotion? C-Dog's incredibly bad advice $2. You say you got other options, so she better hook you up right quick or you out the door. That's the same advice you gave me about asking women out. Here's the secret 'bout life: Every relationship be the same relationship.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-09 career 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-09 Pub. Date: 2018-09-09
Image Number: 173787
Caption: When I grow up, I wanna be a time traveler who goes back through time to tell me if time traveling pays well.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-07 career 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-07 Pub. Date: 2018-09-07
Image Number: 173883
Caption: I read that news article you wrote comparing the president to a mafia boss. You mean my humor column? It was totally inaccurate. Yes, the president called Cohen his fixer. And yes, he keeps praising stooges who don't flip on him. But he never gave Jared Kushner the title of patsy. He never threatened to make Mueller's career sleep with the fishes. And he does not celebrate signing every executive order by yelling bada-bing! (Sigh) you always know someone has no argument when he gets extra-literal about everything. A person can't get literal. A person's interpretation does that. Don't you know anything?
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-26 career 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-26 Pub. Date: 2018-07-26
Image Number: 173090
Caption: Why do you hafta go to Ruthia, Daddy? Going to Russia's my job, son. You know Bradley'th daddy doethn't go to Ruthia to look for the pwethident. Bradley's daddy isn't a journalist who's trying to find out if the president has defected. What'th Bradley'th daddy'th job? He's a convict. What'th a convict? Someone with a lot of conviction.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-15 career 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-15 Pub. Date: 2018-05-15
Image Number: 171502
Caption: So … Clyde and I were playing basketball when all of a sudden four other guys showed up and asked if they could join in. So we started choosing up teams, and all of a sudden I got all nervous and anxious. I'm a grown man. I have a son. A career. But all of a sudden I was right back in second grade hoping I wouldn't be the last to be picked. Is that why Clyde asked me how my emergency vasectomy went? I had to think of some reason to get out of there.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-18 career 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-18 Pub. Date: 2018-02-18
Image Number: 167988
Caption: When I was a youth, I dreamt of becoming a gangsta rapper who'd someday go legit and found a major record label and sell it for billions to Apple. Dr. Noodle. I never did it, though. I didn't know that career path was really possible. But then Dr. Dre came along and he did it. That's an awfully specific dream you had. And then there was my Russian dream. I always dreamt of striking out in real estate, then catching the eye of Russian mobsters and foreign banks who'd bail me out if I agreed to launder tons of loot for them ... and then maybe I'd run for high office so I could repay the bank by giving it a waiter exempting it from paying some huge fine, and maybe be able to use my office to repay the mafia somehow too. Y'know ... sometimes when we're jealous, we rewrite history and actually believe I thought of that first. Oh, no, I've been laundering money for year - wait, this whole thing is confidential, right?
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-09 career 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-09 Pub. Date: 2017-07-09
Image Number: 159502
Caption: It's hard to debunk the whole "fake news" thing when so-called "journalists" keep lying, or keep not correcting their "mistakes" take Joy-Ann Reid, for instance. Who she? She has a show on MSNBC. The other week, after that former Bernie-supporter shot at those congressmen ... somebody tweeted "too soon to mention Bernie owes his entire political career to the NRA? Particularly his support of assault rifles his R opponent decried?" "Journalist" Joy-Ann Reid retweeted that, adding "I hope we have the maturity as a country to confront facts like this at the same time we're thinking of victims and keeping level heads." But it wasn't a fact. Sanders opposed assault rifles. The NRA backed him in that one race to punish the Republican who'd just changed his position on assault rifles. A Vermont gun store owner said at the time, "At least [Bernie's] consistent" with his opposition to semi-automatic rifles. A simple Google search would've told her that, apparently Joy-Ann Reid doesn't even Joy-Ann read. This whole thing was so you could say that joke, wasn't it.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-05 career 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-05 Pub. Date: 2016-11-05
Image Number: 150476
Caption: 1982. What are you gonna be in 2012? I've narrowed it down to two options. If we don't blow ourselves up, I'll be a cyborg captain of a starship, hunting for black holes I can use to travel back in time and capture dinosaurs. If we DO blow ourselves up, I'll wear leather pants and roam the radioactive wasteland fighting mutants in order to bring a bucket of water and a little bit of peace to grateful orphans. It's good you have something to fall back on. Momma said that's important.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-22 career 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-22 Pub. Date: 2016-02-22
Image Number: 139560
Caption: Nobody understands why I hang out with you, Clyde. You're a thug, I'm not. You have no career, I do. You don’t care about the world, I report on it for a living. That's what they think, anyway, because they're not capable of looking past your loser image and seeing the real you. That's a compliment. If you have to say "that's a compliment," it ain't no compliment. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-02-03).
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-10-12 career 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-10-12 Pub. Date: 2015-10-12
Image Number: 133792
Caption: My son needs speech therapy, but I don't have the money. Insurance will cover it, but only once he turns three. Should I wait till he's three … or should I have him lie about his age and risk teaching him it's ok to deceive: which'll possibly lead to a career in politics? Why e'rebody treat "risk" like it a four-letter word? Man up. C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice. $2.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-19 career 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-19 Pub. Date: 2014-09-19
Image Number: 116482
Caption: What ever happened to Cuba Gooding Jr? What do you mean, Susan? His career's just over. It's like he went into the witness protection program or something. What are you talking about? He's been in about three movies a year for at least a decade. Nothing I've seen. If a tree falls in Hollywood but Susan Garcia doesn't hear it, it still makes a sound.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-10 career 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-10 Pub. Date: 2014-08-10
Image Number: 114243
Caption: Sometimes it seems like everything is something vs. something else. What do you mean? There's the obvious: Russia vs. Ukraine, Israel vs. Palestine, Syria vs. Syria, Cartels vs. Latin America, cops vs. citizens … Right vs. left, religion vs. science, rich vs. poor, employers' rights vs. employees' rights, mankind vs. nature ... Um ... Batman vs. Superman ... Sometimes it's best to end your point while it still seems profound. Robin Thicke's career vs. Miley Cyrus ... Oh, never mind. What's I tell you?
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-02-12 career 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-02-12 Pub. Date: 2014-02-12
Image Number: 107415
Caption: PLEASE DON'T RUN FOR CONGRESS, CLYDE! PLEASE! THINGS ARE BAD ENOUGH! 'Swrong witchoo? You an AMERICAN, son. America is exceptional. We dream BIG here. Maybe in Canada people kick they heels up an' say things is "bad enough," but I say Americans don't give up that easy. That's gonna be my stump speech. Excuse me, ma'am, which way is Canada?
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-02-03 career 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-02-03 Pub. Date: 2014-02-03
Image Number: 106772
Caption: Nobody understands why I hang out with you, Clyde. You're a thug, I'm not. You have no career, I do. You don’t care about the world, I report on it for a living. That's what they think, anyway, because they're not capable of looking past your loser image and seeing the real you. That's a compliment. If you have to say "that's a compliment," it ain't no compliment.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-01-11 career 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-01-11 Pub. Date: 2014-01-11
Image Number: 105924
Caption: I'm behind schedule on the life plan I wrote when I was six, Lemont. I was supposed to make partner by last Tuesday. Oh. Well, Susan, plans have to be flexible. Real life isn't something you can script. I know that. Don't you think I know that? Sorry. I scheduled two whole years of flexibility into twenties.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-12-17 career 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-12-17 Pub. Date: 2013-12-17
Image Number: 105211
Caption: I been thinkin' 'bout Mandela, dawg. He lived to be 95 years old. He became president. Then he fixed a whole country. … An' that was after he was incarcerated for 27 years. That mean Mandela didn’t really get his career on till he was 72 years old. That mean I got 40 or so years before I hafta do nothin'. Don't sell yourself short, Clyde. You're doing nothin' now. Thug 4 Life.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-30 career 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-30 Pub. Date: 2013-10-30
Image Number: 103219
Caption: Well, you're not getting any younger, Lemont. You have to start thinking about … y'know … What? About whether I'll always look as sexy in my Captain Kirk convention costume? No. About your retirement. What retirement? I'll be going to those conventions forever. I've already reserved a Star Trek 2 Genesis coffin, so I can be wheeled into the show in perpetuity. Dios mio. (Cartoon originally published 2011-04-20 and 2013-03-13).
     
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