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Rudy Park

Comics about calls and calling.

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161. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-13 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-13 Pub. Date: 2015-09-13
Image Number: 131663
Caption: Rudy, we're going to have to cut expenses. We already did that, boss. I don't think you're clear on the concept, minion. It's a way of life. Did you read one book and then never read again? Did you listen to one song and then never listen to another again? Did you kiss someone once and then never again? Cutting expenses isn't something you do just once. A good businessman cuts expenses constantly. Whether he needs to or not. You trim the fat. When you run out of fat, you trim the nerves and the muscle. When you run out of that, you start slicing every last molecule of bone you can. The goal is to see if you can maximize your profits while running on pure marrow. That, my minion, is the holy grail. I call it The Tao of Armstrong. Armstrong Maynard. If I can ever figure out how to cut the marrow, I will have touched the face of god. Everyone has their own religion.
     
162. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-09 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-09 Pub. Date: 2015-09-09
Image Number: 132286
Caption: Today's alpha-lesson is called "Always Jujutsu the Suspense." If someone says "I've got a great idea" and then pauses to create suspense, that's a power-move. They want you to beg them to continue. The alpha counter-move in this case is simple. Use the suspense-monger's suspense against them: say absolutely nothing.* *This move should never, ever be applied in the boudoir.
     
163. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-30 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-30 Pub. Date: 2015-08-30
Image Number: 131015
Caption: What as it you wanted to talk about, minion? Beep. The carbon monoxide detector is beeping every five seconds. Beep. Oh, that. Nothing (beep) to worry about. It was a second-hand unit I found in the dumpster behind Arby's. Beep. What? Why would you do that? Beep. The town council passed a law mandating the placement of (beep) CO² detectors. Beep. They (beep) didn't say they had to be new CO² detectors. I'm 25% sure it's beeping because the battery backup needs to be replaced. Nothing to worry about. Beep. Beep. But what if you're wrong? Shouldn't we maybe evacuate the (beep) cafe and call 911? Are you crazy? Beep. That would just panic everyone (beep) for no good reason and cost me hundreds of dollars in lost sales. Beep. I'm telling you, all it needs is new batteries. Go down to the basement and fetch some. Beep. Also, while you're down (beep) there, bring up my emergency oxygen mask. For no reason in particular. Beep. Very bad man. Beep.
     
164. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-28 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-28 Pub. Date: 2015-08-28
Image Number: 131661
Caption: What's that? It's called a "book." It's what normal people read in pursuit of wisdom, education or titillating escapism. It doesn't light up, or beep, or do any of the dumb things you kids today seem to need. That's kind of harsh. No, that's the title of my memoirs. I've been published! ... Care to hear the subtitle?
     
165. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-17 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-17 Pub. Date: 2015-08-17
Image Number: 131350
Caption: Hi, this is Hillary Clinton. Can we make this quick? I'm hoping for a call from Bernie Sanders. I'm just calling to remind you I'm running for president. Do you know Bernie? What's he like? Yes, I know Ber … Anyway, I'm calling to tell you a little more about me, American citizen, so you can get to know your next president as a human being. House of Java.net Cybercafe. My mother's name was Dorothy, for instance. Did Dorothy know Bernie Sanders? What'd she think of him? Good guy, right?
     
166. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-09 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-09 Pub. Date: 2015-08-09
Image Number: 130031
Caption: I'd like a turkeyburger combo please. Ok. What drink would you like? You don't have to yell. I'm sorry, I didn't realize I did. Are you calling me a liar? No sir, I'm not. Not at all. So you're saying I'm stupid, then? So stupid I can't tell the difference between regular talking and yelling? Ok, then. I'll have a diet coke with my combo. That's be $14.95. Are you trying to say I can't afford it?! Let me talk to you manager. I AM the manager. What's that supposed to mean?
     
167. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-03 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-03 Pub. Date: 2015-08-03
Image Number: 130658
Caption: What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? How can I talk my dad out of supporting Donald Trump? Good question. The answer is: What the @#% is wrong with you?! We have a candidate who taunts and mocks people as if he were a ten-year-old bully on the playground ... and you want to ruin it?! I've waited my whole life for this! Ruin it and I'll bury you! Sorry.
     
168. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-31 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-31 Pub. Date: 2015-07-31
Image Number: 130395
Caption: "Ask Sadie Advice Hour," what's your question? I'm seeing two men. One's poor but I'm crazy about him. The other feels more like a friend but he's filthy rich. If I could somehow combine the two of them into one man, he's be the perfect man for me. But I can't, so which one should I keep? Grandma Cohen once told me, "If you've got two suitors you wish you could combine into one, that means neither is right for you." But Grandma Cohen never lived to see the wondrous advances in black-market surgery we enjoy today.
     
169. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-26 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-26 Pub. Date: 2015-07-26
Image Number: 129355
Caption: Hello, you've reached the Illuminati. At last! We have tried to reach your planet's rulers for the last 18 revolutions of your blue rock. We come bearing gifts. That's nice. You trying to reach Les or Nick? Whoever is the prime overlord of your secret cabal of billionaires ... What? The what of our which now? Is this not the secret cabal of billionaires that controls the world's elected leaders, manipulates the economy, and determines the very fate of all nations? No, friend, we're the psychedelic rock band from Toronto. But we broke up years ago, eh? Apologies. We seem to have dialed the wrong number. Les has some new tracks on Facebook, though. If you like '80s action movie music, give it a go.
     
170. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-16 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-16 Pub. Date: 2015-07-16
Image Number: 129603
Caption: With Mort and Sadie so torn over what to see next Saturday night, they've ceased speaking. The parties have called in representatives. Mr. Park merely wishes to see a documentary that challenges the mind as well as the spirit. Whisper whisper whisper whisper ... My client merely wishes to withhold lovin'. Objection!
     
171. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-10 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-10 Pub. Date: 2015-07-10
Image Number: 129353
Caption: Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. As soon as the ruling came down, my husband Larry left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The Supreme Court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?
     
172. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-07 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-07 Pub. Date: 2015-07-07
Image Number: 129350
Caption: Hi, this is Donald Trump. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. I'm calling to tell you I'm running for president. Ok. Have a good time. What do you mean "have a good time"? Is that supposed to be some sort of backhanded insult? Are you not taking me seriously? Well guess what, idiot, the feeling is entirely mutual. House of Java Cybercafe. Wait ... What? What just happened? Play dumb if you want, loser. it's probably why you're not as rich as I am.
     
173. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-06-30 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-06-30 Pub. Date: 2015-06-30
Image Number: 129099
Caption: This is Dr. Sadie. What's your question, caller? How can I tell if my cold is really bronchitis? Stop yer sniveling. In my day, a body would hope it was bronchitis. It gave you a chance to prove your grit! Nothing like a touch of burning pain, wheezing, and crackling in the chest to separate the women from the girls. What kind of doctor are you, again?
     
174. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-06-29 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-06-29 Pub. Date: 2015-06-29
Image Number: 129098
Caption: It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. "Trekfan" in Dallas, you're on. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?! House of Java Cybercafe. I've been trying to get my wife to watch sci-fi with me. But she's so closed-minded about it. Everything that I find so profound and beautiful about it, she finds silly. Stop trying to change your wife into a Xerox copy of yourself! Right now your relationship is based on the kind of incompatibility that leads to resentment, recrimination and bickering. Enjoy that. You'd make a great Klingon.
     
175. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-06-27 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-06-27 Pub. Date: 2015-06-27
Image Number: 128757
Caption: You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! I'm … I'm lonely. I have acquaintances. I have family I barely ever see. I have online friends. But deep down I feel like nobody's ever really there. … Hello? Um … Hello? Oh this is too easy. Hello? … Hello?
     
176. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-06-17 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-06-17 Pub. Date: 2015-06-17
Image Number: 128446
Caption: Two years ago, during a special episode of the Ask Sadie show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Many of you took the time to send her heartfelt advice, which Sadie publicly mocked, belittled and summarily rejected, while calling into question the IQ and, in one case, the parentage, of her listeners. Since then, Mrs. Cohen has completed her mandatory anger management course. She humbly requests that you all try anew to send her advice about how to deal with her midlife crisis. She promises not to make any of you cry. I'd be happy to listen to your delirious drivel - I mean, to your delightful advice. Advise Sadie at asksadie@rudypark.com.
     
177. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-06-03 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-06-03 Pub. Date: 2015-06-03
Image Number: 127846
Caption: This is the Ask Sadie Show. We're back with a caller whose house burned down while he was being diagnosed with gout. There is a silver lining: at least you're not a muscle-bound oaf or his puny celebrity-obsessed sidekick. Both Randy Taylor and Rudy Park are world-class disappointments, so they shall remain nameless so as to spare their poor mothers the humiliation. Not cool, Sadie. Not cool. We're famous!
     
178. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-06-02 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-06-02 Pub. Date: 2015-06-02
Image Number: 127845
Caption: This is the Ask Sadie Show. You're on, caller. What's your problem? I'm - Don't pussyfoot around the issue. Get to the point! I don't have all day! Get on with it, already! Next caller. You're on. What's your problem? Um … nothing. I'm good.
     
179. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-05-25 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-05-25 Pub. Date: 2015-05-25
Image Number: 127569
Caption: Today we're going to talk about brainless reality tv! The other day I was trying to watch "Price is Right," but some other channel came on. Something called "Basketball Wives: LA." It was nothing but women being catty and hateful and mean-spirited. Anyone who watches that smut is brainless! Especially episode 14, which was the most outrageous of all three seasons.
     
180. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-05-18 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-05-18 Pub. Date: 2015-05-18
Image Number: 127259
Caption: Hi, this is Hillary Clinton. Yes, I know, you're running for president. You may not know this, but I'm running for president. But I'm not doing it for me, I'm doing it for you. This is about your story, average citizen. This is about your struggles. Your hopes. Your dreams. You, you, you, you, you. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Can I ask you a question? No. As I was saying, I'm running to give you a voice. A vote for me is a vote for you.
     
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