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Candorville

Comics about calls and calling.

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321. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-07-06 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-07-06 Pub. Date: 2012-07-06
Image Number: 83015
Caption: So what'd you do? I ignored him and moved on. You dropped him just 'cause he texted you instead of calling? Why start something with someone who has such an obvious flaw? … Like impatience? Will you get to your point already?
     
322. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-07-03 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-07-03 Pub. Date: 2012-07-03
Image Number: 83012
Caption: Everything was going fine with the guy from Date-A-Dude. Till he asked for my number. I thought he was gonna call to ask me out. But he TEXTED me. So what? It's 2012. What'd you expect him to do, wear tights and a feather and serenade you from the steps of your castle? I expected a phone call. Dream on, princess.
     
323. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-06-26 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-06-26 Pub. Date: 2012-06-26
Image Number: 82889
Caption: Meanwhile, across town … "Dear congregant: When I spoke out in favor of equal marriage rights for gays last month … half of you quit the church. We want you back. If you renew your membership now, you'll receive a set of nunchucks and a gift certificate to Denny's." Perfect. "Call in the next fifteen minutes, and receive divine forgiveness at half off." No, that part just sounds desperate.
     
324. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-06-17 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-06-17 Pub. Date: 2012-06-17
Image Number: 81512
Caption: Hi, I answered the phone by accident. Please hang up and call back. Hi … Um … What? I like to DVR my calls. You like to WHAT? I like to check my voicemail at my leisure … … And only respond once I've had time to think about it. In real-time conversations, it's hard to concoct plausible excuses to get out of whatever the caller wants me to do. Seriously? Too much pressure. Also, without planning my response, the conversation can be inefficient and boring. This conversation has been a total waste of time, Lamont. SEE?
     
325. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-05-15 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-05-15 Pub. Date: 2012-05-15
Image Number: 80976
Caption: Goodnight, son. Goodnight, mommy. "Daddy." Mommy. You call a man "daddy," son. Mommy thed a man goethe away to work evwy day. "Daddy." Are you thure?
     
326. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-05-13 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-05-13 Pub. Date: 2012-05-13
Image Number: 79902
Caption: RING! RING! RING! You're not gonna answer it? Why would I do that? RING RING RING RING RING RING RING. My friends text me. My creditors email me. RING! RING! RING! If anyone calls me at home, odds are it's a telemarketer or a politician. RING! RING! R - RING! RING! RING! So you don't trust anyone who actually wants to talk to you. Right. That's just shady. CLICK!
     
327. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-05-12 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-05-12 Pub. Date: 2012-05-12
Image Number: 80536
Caption: Hi, Lemont? Speaking. Hey, it's Keith. I don't know any "Keith." Are you gonna try to sell me something, Keith? Lemont! Buddy! 'Course not! I'm just a total stranger calling to share the good news about Awesomecorp cotton-flavored grizzly bear lures. Goodbye, Keith.
     
328. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-04-29 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-04-29 Pub. Date: 2012-04-29
Image Number: 79399
Caption: I've been a nonconformist all my life, Theodore. Dr. Noodle. When my mother told me to walk on the sidewalk, I walked in the middle of the street instead. When my boss told me to charge customers, I gave them all the cash from the register. When the tester at the DMV told me to "Get on that on-ramp," I backed onto the off-ramp instead. The other day, it finally dawned on me: My mom's not taking my calls, I'm unemployed, and I can't rent a car because I have no license. First of all, my name's Sigmund. Whatever, Albert.
     
329. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-04-21 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-04-21 Pub. Date: 2012-04-21
Image Number: 79552
Caption: Hello, Presidential candidate, your robocall has reached the home of a registered voter. I can't come to the phone right now because I'm out searching for the nonexistent job your party promised you'd deliver last time you ran for office. I'm Lemont Brown, and I approved this message.
     
330. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-04-11 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-04-11 Pub. Date: 2012-04-11
Image Number: 79196
Caption: … And even after all that, he's still not tired. By the way … He just told me "I may have an idea for you that's win-win." Where's a two-year-old get something like that? Sometimes it's like a 37-year-old lives inside his head. Anyway, any idea how I can get him to go to sleep? Try calling him at 3am with boring stories about your kid's day. I guess that would be boring, since he already knows how they turn out. Zzzzz.
     
331. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-19 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-19 Pub. Date: 2012-03-19
Image Number: 77678
Caption: … So I replied "What do you mean you're charging me $90 for my birth-control pills? My insurance covers those." And guess what the pharmacist said, Mr. Fitzhugh. I couldn't begin to guess. He said "Apparently your employer switched you to a new plan that doesn't cover sluttiness." Sir, did you say to pretend you have an important call after ten minutes, or after fifteen? Five! Explain.
     
332. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-15 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-15 Pub. Date: 2012-03-15
Image Number: 77315
Caption: Mommy thed I should call child pwotective sewvices if you thweaten me. Go ahead, call them and tell them I threatened to not give you dessert if you don’t eat your peas. I don’t think you weawize I'm sewious. How can I, when you say it like that? Hewwo, I wanna wepowt a cwime.
     
333. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-11 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-11 Pub. Date: 2012-03-11
Image Number: 76814
Caption: I notice you ain't bought my new cd yet. I thought you was supposed to be my friend, Big L. Dang. You know what, Clyde? You're absolutely right. I mean, that'd be just as bad as if, hypothetically speaking, I had written five books over the last few years ... including a new on called "Run! Vampires, Werewolves, the One That Got Away; and Other Demons ... " And you didn't buy any of them. Hypothetically speaking. Glad you agree. I accept cash, cash or cash. Thug 4 life. Dawn. By Butler.
     
334. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-05 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-05 Pub. Date: 2012-03-05
Image Number: 39252
Caption: What's wrong with you? I was talking to this chick when she said, "Don't call me a chick. You @#$% @$$." I said, "I'm not a '@#$% @$$,' lady, I'm just politically incorrect." And then it hit me … That "politically incorrect" is just a politically correct way of saying '@#$% @$$'? No, I mean her fist. (Originally published in 2009).
     
335. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-01 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-01 Pub. Date: 2012-03-01
Image Number: 76893
Caption: Hi, momma, it's me. How are you … No, it's not the paperboy, it's me. So I've been meaning to ask you about my da … yes, of course I "sound familiar." It's me. Momma, I called just last week! So this guilt trip is totally … (Sigh) Yes, I'm sure I have the right number. A-train.
     
336. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-02-19 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-02-19 Pub. Date: 2012-02-19
Image Number: 76093
Caption: Case #17700503-E: Clyde "C-Dog" Dogg. Compiled by Federal Agent Eugene O. Murphy. 2:17 - Called "Big L" w/ paranoid theory about gv't spying being "worse than ever." Thug 4 Life. Watched "Gilligan's Island".
     
337. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-02-17 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-02-17 Pub. Date: 2012-02-17
Image Number: 76407
Caption: I read your interview with Syria's ruthless dictator. It was actually fascinating. I never really knew or cared why dictators seem to cling to power so desperately. The part where you got him to talk about that little red-haired girl why never returned his phone calls explained everything. Lemont, your writing was actually really good! You don't have to sound so shocked. I wasn't bored to death.
     
338. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-02-16 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-02-16 Pub. Date: 2012-02-16
Image Number: 76406
Caption: Lamont interviews Syrian dictator Bashir Al-Assad for his blog. Hummusville Syrian Cuisine. Has it occurred to you that your people just aren't that into you? I mean, if you have to slaughter people in order to lead them, maybe they're trying to tell you it's over. But instead of moving on, you keep calling and texting and bombing. Doesn't that feel a little, pathetic? A little. Have you thought of looking for other countries to lead?
     
339. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-02-10 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-02-10 Pub. Date: 2012-02-10
Image Number: 76091
Caption: Lamont, this is what's called a "lucid dream." I'm asleep? Yes. You haven't been to therapy in a while, so you've dreamt up this session. While you're here, why not use it? But you're really just me. Therapy is mostly me helping you to answer your own questions, anyway. Do you have any questions? Is the real therapist going to charge me for this? Half price.
     
340. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-21 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-21 Pub. Date: 2012-01-21
Image Number: 43151
Caption: Dear telemarketer, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. Are you happy with your current chair? Or does sitting in it hour after hour make your lower back sore? Do you feel the pain slowly spreading up your spine and spread out like calloused fingers gripping and squeezing your ribs? Why don't you think about that for a few hours after you hear the beep. Beep. (Originally published on 2010-01-23.)
     
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