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Candorville

Comics about browns and browning.

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141. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-06-26 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-06-26 Pub. Date: 2011-06-26
Image Number: 62378
Caption: You've reached Slummlerd Apartments. How may we hinder you? I'm Lemont Brown, apartment 38. Last week you raised my rent another $40. Today, I got a notice you're charging me a $195 "rental assessment fee." The city charges us an annual fee to assess how much we're allowed to raise your rent. They let us pass the assessment fee on to you. I"m already paying you $1,350! $1,390 this month, if you include the assessment fee. So instead of helping us out in these tough times, you're nickel-and-diming tenants who already pay you thousands per month. Do you know how insulting that is? Are you asking me to assess the situation? NO! NEVER MIND.
     
142. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-06-18 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-06-18 Pub. Date: 2011-06-18
Image Number: 62128
Caption: Hello, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. Please leave a message. Hi, Laquisha, this is Tyrone. I'm sick and tired of you always complaining about me … saying I never listen, and that I never pay attention … … or whatever.
     
143. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-05-18 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-05-18 Pub. Date: 2011-05-18
Image Number: 60998
Caption: Hello, you've reached Lemont Brown … To hear about how I dreamt of Osama Bin Laden last night, say "one." To hear how Roxanne is saying she's never even heard of me and I'm not Lionel's father, say "two." To hear about how you, my best friend, didn't show up to testify on my behalf, say "three." I've never liked the number three, so ... You've chosen ... three.
     
144. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-05-15 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-05-15 Pub. Date: 2011-05-15
Image Number: 60879
Caption: This is Loserbanc Massacard. Mr. Brown, our records show you have an outstanding balance of $1,198. Loserbanc? You guys charged that off way back in like 1994. Do you know what year this is? You guys fell of my credit report a decade ago. How would you like to rectify the situation? I wouldn't. But .. .the moral thing to do is pay us what you owe us. How "moral" was it for you to make me pay thousands more than I ever borrowed in late fees, mysterious "finance charges" and your sky-high APR? Our terms were legal. Well, it's also legal for me to refuse to repay a debt that you charged off so long ago. I can accept payment over the phone. Good for you! I can tie my own shoes. Our mommies should give us each a cookie.
     
145. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-05-04 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-05-04 Pub. Date: 2011-05-04
Image Number: 60509
Caption: Your honor, I'd like to call character witnesses that'll attest to Lemont Brown's fitness as a parent. Later, counsel, first the court wishes to hear opening statements from my daughter's -- I mean, from the RESPONDENT'S lawyer. That's good, 'cause I couldn't find anybody who liked you enough to actually show up. ... Oh, did I say that out loud? Yes.
     
146. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-05-02 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-05-02 Pub. Date: 2011-05-02
Image Number: 60507
Caption: "So glad you could join us, Mr. Brown" was a sarcastic reference to the fact that I sent you to retrieve your lawyer last night, and you never returned. Have you anything to say for yourself, Mr. Brown? Please don't tell anyone Mommy leaves me home alone while she works. The would take me away from her. I ... got lost, your honor. The court is not in the habit of awarding custody to the directionally challenged.
     
147. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-04-05 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-04-05 Pub. Date: 2011-04-05
Image Number: 59397
Caption: What is happiness? A fun job that pays you cash under the table. Charlie Brown would've said "a warm puppy." Charlie Brown never had to pay taxes.
     
148. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-03-18 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-03-18 Pub. Date: 2011-03-18
Image Number: 58580
Caption: Susan, I'm giving up diet cola. If the great author in the sky wanted us to drink diet cola, the rivers would be brown and it would rain aspartame. I mean it would be like that naturally. Oh. Ok, I was gonna say …
     
149. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-03-12 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-03-12 Pub. Date: 2011-03-12
Image Number: 58318
Caption: Hello UPS-guy, you've reached Lemont Brown in apartment 3B. I'm not here at the moment … … because I'm downstairs in the bushes holding a big net. I'm waiting for you to buzz my apartment just once before leaving a "sorry we missed you" slip and trying to take off before I have a chance to answer. At the sound of the beep, turn around 'cause I'm standing right behind you.
     
150. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-03-03 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-03-03 Pub. Date: 2011-03-03
Image Number: 21745
Caption: Jebediah Oldman, meet Lemont Brown, one of our rising stars. It's an honor, sir. I've read your comic strip since I was a kid. So did my mom. …And my granddad. And my great-grandma. Must… eat… brains… to survive. Y'know, you're a lot more deadpan than your comics.
     
151. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-02-28 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-02-28 Pub. Date: 2011-02-28
Image Number: 21742
Caption: The Candorville Chronicle. We're losing readers to the internet and TV. It's just dang hard for print to compete with other media. People want images, images, images. Hold on a sec… …Jane, we need to save some money. Drop four or five comic strips. Anyway, if only there were some way we could compete with the other media...
     
152. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-02-26 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-02-26 Pub. Date: 2011-02-26
Image Number: 57547
Caption: Facebook Messages. From Sasha Mitchell. Hey, Lemont. I know you had a big day in court today, I just wanted to see how you're doing . Also, BTW, I had this weird dream last week, on Valentine's Day. Only when I woke up, I realized it was actually a MEMORY. I don't know if I should tell you ... It was Valentine's Day, 1995, around midnight. I was laying on your bed in the dorms just watching you write an article for the school paper. I recall being really happy and feeling rally honored that you let me do that. I had such a crush on you, Lemont. It was SO embarrassing. Lemont, I ... Lemont? Lemont? Are you there? MUST ... NOT ... HIT ... SEND ... It's "lying," not "laying," Sasha. SEND.
     
153. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-02-25 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-02-25 Pub. Date: 2011-02-25
Image Number: 57546
Caption: Finally, as the elderly man you now see before you, Lemont Brown has become the paragon of responsibility. Except for the part about having had a love-child with a woman he doesn't even like, which led to him suing her for custody and us all being here today. I'm not even sure how that one happened, it's so out of character for him. But other than that ... paragon of responsible-ness, all the way. I'm only mumblety-five!
     
154. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-02-24 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-02-24 Pub. Date: 2011-02-24
Image Number: 57545
Caption: Your majesty, Lemont Brown has demonstrated his ability to care for the child. He alone tried to take Lionel to a doctor to find out why he still wasn't babbling at the age of one. He alone tried to take Lionel to the park so he could socialize with other children, pets and vagrants his own age. He alone tried to take -- Why do I keep hearing the word "tried," counselor? The mother said "no" every time. What was Lemont supposed to do, argue? There's no arguing with a mother -- she'll give you a time-out.
     
155. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-02-22 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-02-22 Pub. Date: 2011-02-22
Image Number: 57543
Caption: Your honor, to know why you should award my client 50/50 shared custody of his son, it's important that you know my client. Lemont Brown was born at a very young age … It was the olden days, before the internet, the cell phone … even before Justin Bieber. Lemont's own father abandoned him when he was but a toddler! ... Leaving him with no father figure other than the flickering image of Bill Cosby he saw on his poor mother's tiny 13-inch black and white TV, powered by vacuum tubes and water wheels. Thus was born Mr. Brown's irresistible craving to one day become an amazing father ... and his equally strong craving for Jell-O pudding pops.
     
156. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-02-21 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-02-21 Pub. Date: 2011-02-21
Image Number: 57542
Caption: Will the attorney for the plaintiff please state your case? Your Excellency, my client, Mr. Brown, requests - nay, DEMANDS - joint custody of his son Lionel. We will demonstrate that he is financially and emotionally prepared to care for his child. He has no history of violence or abuse. And he has absolutely no convictions. Whisper whisper whisper. No CRIMINAL convictions. ... What did I say?
     
157. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-02-11 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-02-11 Pub. Date: 2011-02-11
Image Number: 57042
Caption: Your honor, I represent Roxanne Dubois. Unlike her opponent, Lemont Brown … We will not insult the court's intelligence or waste its time with patronizing opening statements. The merits of our case will be obvious enough. They're crazy. Crazy like a FOX! ... or incompetent. Incompetent like a FOX!
     
158. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-02-03 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-02-03 Pub. Date: 2011-02-03
Image Number: 56818
Caption: Facebook Messages. From Sasha Mitchell. I can't believe you're having woman troubles, Lemont. I always imagined you being really happy and having tons of women to choose from. Are you sure you're talking to the right person? I'm Lemont Brown. We met in Freeborn Hall at UC Berkeley in 1994. Yes, Lemont. I'm talking to the right man. I'm 5'6", favorite cereal is Cap'n Crunch, waist 32, inseam ... Tap tap tap tap.
     
159. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-12-31 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-12-31 Pub. Date: 2010-12-31
Image Number: 55686
Caption: Mr. Brown, I've heard every excuse under the moon when plaintiffs or defendants want a continuance. "Please, your honor, I need to find a better attorney." Or "Please, your excellency, I've got the smallpox." This judge is cold-blooded. "Woe is me, your honor, I'm having a heart attack."
     
160. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-12-30 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-12-30 Pub. Date: 2010-12-30
Image Number: 55685
Caption: Your honor, I ask that you recuse yourself from the case of "LEMONT BROWN VS. ROXANNE DUBOIS." On what grounds? On the grounds that out in the hallway, I overheard Ms. Dubois calling you "Mommy." OVERRULED! I knew we should've gone on "Judge Judy."
     
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