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Candorville

Comics about browns and browning.

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281. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-04-22 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-04-22 Pub. Date: 2009-04-22
Image Number: 31769
Caption: Anyway, I should go, Susan. I'm talking with a lawyer. I'm suing Roxanne for custody of Lionel. Yeah, really … The lawyer? An ad on Gregs-List.org. …Well he looks legit enough. He's got degrees, a leather chair, glasses… …And it doesn't seem to faze him when people talk about him like he's not even there. That's a sign of character. Y'know, you say "dios mio" A LOT. Zzzzz.
     
282. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-04-20 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-04-20 Pub. Date: 2009-04-20
Image Number: 31767
Caption: Lemont, I'm sorry for talking your ear off the other day. It's ok, Susan. I know, and I love you for that. I mean, you're always there for me. Always. And that makes me really… FLUSH! …Disgusted. Huh?
     
283. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-04-12 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-04-12 Pub. Date: 2009-04-12
Image Number: 31606
Caption: Hello? Hi, I'm calling from Disney's El Capitan Theater to see if you received the mail we sent you. How did you get this number? Did you get our beautiful full-color flyer announcing the Race to Witch Mountain? Which mountain is that? No, the movie, Race to Witch Mountain. I don't know, you're the one who called me: You tell me which mountain. Um... Do you have a grandson or granddaughter I can talk to, sir? They're dead. Zoo accident. Feathers... Screaming... I don't like to talk about it. I'm sorry, sir. So did you get our beautiful full-color brochure about Race to Witch Mountain? Yes, and I'm glad you called, 'cause I have some questions that I think only you can answer. I'd be very happy to, sir! Where do you guys get your hot dogs? 'Cause they're the best hot dogs I've ever had in my whole life. Also, are you seriously calling to ask whether I got the junk mail you sent? When did THAT start? Lastly, how did you get this number? ... This all doesn't seem weird to you? Take me off your phone list. If you have any questions about Race to Witch Mountain or would like to order tickets, feel free to call the number in your brochure. Is there a number for hot dogs? I do really like those. Click.
     
284. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-04-08 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-04-08 Pub. Date: 2009-04-08
Image Number: 31470
Caption: Listen, I've been paying Dubble Cross $250/month for your "100% emergency coverage plan"… … So that in the event I were to, let's say, fall off a cliff, you'd pay for the ambulance that saves my life. Sir, that's 100% of "allowable" charges. We don't cover extravagances. Extravagances?! If you'd like to upgrade to our premium membership, we'll cover luxuries like ambulances, bandages, oxygen...
     
285. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-04-06 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-04-06 Pub. Date: 2009-04-06
Image Number: 31468
Caption: Answers.yahoo.com. Q: Does health insurance cover ambulance charges? A: Depends on fine print. Call insurance provider. Calling (555) 555-5359. Hello, you've reached Dubble Cross. Please hold for an agent. Ok.
     
286. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-04-05 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-04-05 Pub. Date: 2009-04-05
Image Number: 31254
Caption: Angel. Princess. Your ad here. Stupid recession.
     
287. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-04-03 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-04-03 Pub. Date: 2009-04-03
Image Number: 31252
Caption: Twitter. Lemont Brown: Somehow got away from vampire. Lemont Brown: Maybe 'cause sun came up. Anyway, stumbled and fell off cliff. Lemont Brown: In free-fall. Can see city from here. Think I see my apartment. Lemont Brown: Will post again after I call ambulance. Buzzard just gave me funny look.
     
288. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-04-02 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-04-02 Pub. Date: 2009-04-02
Image Number: 31251
Caption: Twitter. Vampire closing in. If don't make it, some1 feed my goldfish. Tap tap tap tap tap tap. Error: No internet connection. Time out. Huh? What're you doing? Trying to update my Twitter feed at Twitter.com/Candorville. All 12 of my subscribers want to hear every little detail of my life. Connection established. Ok, let's go. Vampire behind the times. Tap tap tap tap tap tap.
     
289. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-04-01 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-04-01 Pub. Date: 2009-04-01
Image Number: 31250
Caption: Twitter. Turns out fiancée is evil vampire. Explains everything. Tap tap tap tap tap tap. Told Saxon I'm suing Roxanne for custody. Turns out Saxon also vampire. Saxon chasing me through dark woods. Running 4 my life. AAAAH! Screaming like little girl.
     
290. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-31 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-31 Pub. Date: 2009-03-31
Image Number: 31249
Caption: Tonaya, internet's broken. What's that, Grandpa? I've been looking at this Lemont Brown guy's tweeter for months. "Twitter," Gramps. It's supposed to be all about politics. But there's all this weird stuff instead that I don't understand. (sigh) What are you talking about, Grandpa? Twitter. Vampire chasing me, trying to drink blood. Peace out. Tap tap tap tap tap.
     
291. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-30 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-30 Pub. Date: 2009-03-30
Image Number: 31248
Caption: Wait! Lemont! I must tell you…. Wait, Lemont, I must kill you! AAAAH! You need to know what's coming for you! You run too slow. Death is upon you. AAAAH! I'm trying to keep you alive! High-flying moose eat country-fried. EHHH?
     
292. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-29 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-29 Pub. Date: 2009-03-29
Image Number: 31247
Caption: I'll start with the original "Star Wars." Then "Empire." That way you preserve the big surprise about Luke's dad. Then "Episodes 1&2." "The Clone Wars" cartoons, and then "Episode 3." They'll be like a flashback someone tells Luke while he's healing from the whole hand thing. They'll give time to build anxiety over Han's fate, and they'll set up Vader's redemptive journey. Which I'll then finish by watching... ...That's right, baby, "Return of the Jedi." Dios mio. Not at all what I meant when I said "You should write a five-year plan." Pshht. Five years? I could do it in five days. There are ways. You don't even wanna know.
     
293. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-21 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-21 Pub. Date: 2009-03-21
Image Number: 30978
Caption: The irony was ironic: the vampire hunter Artemis Kenchu was born a slave. He killed his master to be free. Other hunters tried to train him, but he refused to follow orders. Went off on his own, because he was free. …And because of that, he would up enslaved by a vamp-- "The irony was ironic"? I think you're losing the point. "Missing" the point.
     
294. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-18 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-18 Pub. Date: 2009-03-18
Image Number: 30975
Caption: I know what you and Roxanne are up to behind my back, Saxon. It's obvious. You grew up together. I see how you look at each other. You think you're my son's real father. And now to break us up, you're telling me Roxanne's an evil vampire who had your kid to fulfill an ancient prophecy that'll make her ruler of the world. It's the oldest trick in the book.
     
295. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-17 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-17 Pub. Date: 2009-03-17
Image Number: 30974
Caption: "Technology finally caught up to the vampire Roxanne's dream. She had a baby, and the prophecy came true. "She became invulnerable. She walked in the sun. She knew the taste of garlic twisty bread. "…But she'd never read the WHOLE prophecy. "If a single drop of blood from any animal, living or dead, touched her lips, she would lose it all again, forever. And her APR would shoot up to 29.99%. Fine print's always a killer.
     
296. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-16 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-16 Pub. Date: 2009-03-16
Image Number: 30973
Caption: Tell me more about Artemis Kenchu. No time, Lemont. Maybe if we'd had more time, you and me. Why're you talking all past-tensy all of a sudden? The sun'll be up soon. I have to get to the POINT. WHAT?! NO!! NO!! PLEASE DON'T DO IT!! PLEASE!!! I meant the point of my story. I know, and you're an awful story-teller! I can't take the clichés!!!
     
297. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-10 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-10 Pub. Date: 2009-03-10
Image Number: 30802
Caption: Roxanne was an abomination. The vampire world wanted her dead. To restore their clan's honor, her brothers tried to slay her. Dad had no way to know what it was he was saving. Why'd the other vampires want her dead? I want to have a baby. You mean for an appetizer, right? Or a garnish?
     
298. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-09 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-09 Pub. Date: 2009-03-09
Image Number: 30801
Caption: Do you think I'm crazy, Lemont? N-YES. What I've seen would drive any other dude bat-spit insane, but not me. I'm gonna crack you in the head any second now. What?! Why did I-- --Tell me the truth? Why can't you flee? I spiked your beer with truth serum and an ancient paralytic enzyme. Ok, maybe I'm a teensy bit crazy. I actually liked "Sex and the City." D'oh!
     
299. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-06 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-06 Pub. Date: 2009-03-06
Image Number: 30450
Caption: Grrr? What is it, girl? You want your tummy scratched? I want you to tell me where Lemont Brown went. … It's ok. Harlot, you're only dreaming. No more churros before bedtime. By the way, that wet spot is only drool, I swear.
     
300. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-01 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-01 Pub. Date: 2009-03-01
Image Number: 30266
Caption: Would you repeat that insult? I don't want to misquote you. Huh? I've been documenting every moment of our relationship on my blog. Every time you yell at me, mock my dreams or crush my soul… I write about it. And every time I compliment you, encourage you or console you... I write about that too. Y' know, so my readers can get both sides of the story. ...Our relationship has readers? And Google ads.
     
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