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Candorville

Comics about browns and browning.

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261. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-21 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-21 Pub. Date: 2009-05-21
Image Number: 33643
Caption: You got a doctorate. At Tonga Island Online College. Ah, college. Those were the days. Best two weeks of my life. Where did the time go? Whatever. What'd you major in, loafing? Biochemical analysis. Whoa. I think I'm actually impressed. With a minor in the loafing arts.
     
262. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-20 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-20 Pub. Date: 2009-05-20
Image Number: 33642
Caption: Clyde, have you seen my computer? I don't answer to that no more. (Sigh). Fine. "C-Dog," have you seen my computer? That's Doctor C-Dog, but I wouldn't expect your ign'ant @#$% to know that. Tonga Island Online College two-week Doctorate program, fool! What! GIVE ME BACK MY COMPUTER!
     
263. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-19 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-19 Pub. Date: 2009-05-19
Image Number: 33641
Caption: Hi Momma. …I know I didn't call you on Mother's Day last week. Aren't you proud. …Because you always told me not to fall for hustlers. And Mother's Day's nothing but one big hustle. There's only one PURE holiday, Momma. Only one holiday that isn't some scheme to waste money on cards and flowers. I'll call you on Groundhog Day. ...Hello?
     
264. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-18 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-18 Pub. Date: 2009-05-18
Image Number: 33640
Caption: Hello Momma, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because I'm an awful son who always forgets Mother's Day. Please leave a guilt trip after the tone, and I'll get back to you when I've become a better man. Beep.
     
265. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-17 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-17 Pub. Date: 2009-05-17
Image Number: 33604
Caption: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one my iPhone's satellite map showed would be the quickest route to the nearest Panda Express.
     
266. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-16 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-16 Pub. Date: 2009-05-16
Image Number: 32349
Caption: Yeah, I think she's totally into you. That said… Excuse me. By saying "that said"… …what you're REALLY saying is "here's why everything I just told you is wrong." You might as well skip the wrong part so you don't waste the other person's time. That said, it does often establish a useful perspective. I don't have time for this mess. See?
     
267. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-15 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-15 Pub. Date: 2009-05-15
Image Number: 32348
Caption: What's wrong? I thought you loved the "Star Trek" movie. That's the problem. I grew up on "Star Trek" reruns. I never thought some remake could be even better than what I saw when I was a kid. Don't you see? If they could replace my childhood icons so easily, they... Dear God, do you know what this means? Nothing at all. Exactly. My childhood is obsolete and someday I'm going to die.
     
268. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-14 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-14 Pub. Date: 2009-05-14
Image Number: 32347
Caption: Lemont? Have you really been here for days watching "Star Trek" over and over again? That's crazy. That's… It's a future where no one discriminates against you or takes away your rights if you're different from them. Pass the nachos and the adult diapers. ...And where you get to blow up alien freaks.
     
269. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-13 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-13 Pub. Date: 2009-05-13
Image Number: 32346
Caption: I'll run that way to distract the cops, you go in an' get Lemont. It's not TV, Clyde. That won't work. Let's say you a cop. You see a brutha dressed like me running down the street. You wouldn't keep an eye on me? Go get Lemont in 3… 2… I admit nothing.
     
270. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-12 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-12 Pub. Date: 2009-05-12
Image Number: 32345
Caption: Twitter.com/Candorville. Lemont Brown: Cops ordering me out of theater. LEMONT, GET OUT OF THERE! Pimply 14-year-old usher tells cops "Careful, dude's crazy." OH NO! Lemont Brown: Why is "Star Trek" so good? Chris Pine making me 4get The Shatner. Cops shouting now. Lemont Brown: Maybe I should show cops I have 200 tickets in pocket. No! DON"T REACH INTO YOUR POCKET!!! Lemont Brown: Shouldn't have reached in pocket. Cop knee on neck making it hard 2 type. Dios mio.
     
271. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-11 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-11 Pub. Date: 2009-05-11
Image Number: 32344
Caption: Remember back in the day, Lemont would disappear every once in a while? Hm. Yeh, I do. Remember when we had no idea where he'd gone or what he was doing? Mm-hm. Why? Twitter.com/Candorville. Lemont Brown: Sitting in theater watching "Star Trek" for 47th time. Ushers, cops want me 2 leave. Nachos running low. Adult diapers R comfy. I miss those days.
     
272. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-10 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-10 Pub. Date: 2009-05-10
Image Number: 32176
Caption: Erebody talking 'bout "Hunt down those Somalia pirates. Kill 'em! Show them who's boss!" Britain, France, the U.S. …all sending warships to shoot more pirates. You wanna end piracy? I'll tell you how to end piracy. Take those warships… …an' have 'em PROTECT Somalia fishermen from the Asian and European ships that've been stealing Somalia's seafood and dumping nuclear waste in Somalia's waters ever since Somalia's government fell in 1991. Then Somalians could get back to earning a living off their own resources and won't have to resort to piracy just to survive. That's how you stop piracy. Whaddaya think of that? I don't know. Whaddaya think of barbers who think they're on Oprah and won't stop talking long enough to cut somebody's hair? Barbers don't go for sarcasm.
     
273. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-09 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-09 Pub. Date: 2009-05-09
Image Number: 32175
Caption: twitter. Twitter.com/Candorville. Lemont Brown: Driving on 7th Ave. right now. Jerk in front of me won't stop talking on his cell phone.
     
274. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-08 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-08 Pub. Date: 2009-05-08
Image Number: 32174
Caption: In an alternate universe, the events of 1948 happen instead of 2009. But for some reason, instead of allowing them to be punished, President Obama PARDONS all Japanese and Nazi war criminals. …So then at Nuremberg when the top Nazis said "We were just following orders," that made a lot of sense to me. You can't really punish folks for torturing prisoners when they were just following orders. ...I mean, what were they SUPPOSED to do? Not follow them. Well... yeah... there's THAT.
     
275. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-07 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-07 Pub. Date: 2009-05-07
Image Number: 32173
Caption: In an alternate reality, the events of 1948 happen instead of 2009. Sorry, boss, I can't possibly read this depressing news in an excited tone. I'd feel like a heel. Yer a good man, Brown. You got principles. But what the people want is excitement, see? I don't know, boss. I got another story for ya to read, then. The headline: "Miracle Cure for Principles Found! It's Called Getting Fired!" President Obama says "It's better not to point fingers" and pardons the Japanese war criminals who tortured our boys! Now that takes moxie!
     
276. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-06 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-06 Pub. Date: 2009-05-06
Image Number: 32172
Caption: In an alternate universe where the events of 1948 happen instead in 2009… A day of reckoning! The civilized world demands either prison or death for the Japanese who ordered torture of Allied war prisoners! President Barack Obama himself says the civilized world must hold these sadists accountable for their inhuman acts of torture! ...And that's why he vows to protect them all from prosecution! Wait, that can't be... Clyde, you been messing with the copy again?
     
277. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-04 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-04 Pub. Date: 2009-05-04
Image Number: 32170
Caption: Hello, White House? Why is the president reluctant to prosecute whoever ordered our people to TORTURE prisons of war? Let me stop there. The president feels torture is a crime that must never be allowed to happen again. And as we all know, the best way to prevent crime is to let the criminals off without any punishment at all. That's not the best way to prevent crime. Are you sure?
     
278. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-03 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-03 Pub. Date: 2009-05-03
Image Number: 32153
Caption: AAAAGH! What? What?! I was creepin' up on this dude wallet. He never saw me comin'. But outta no place he threw some salt over his shoulder. Went right into my eyes. AAAAAGGH! Well, clearly he was throwing salt over his shoulder for luck. Huh? Kinda like how we all nuzzle the Buddha statue's belly whenever we go to a Chinese restaurant. Guess it worked for him, huh? What? Why're you looking at me like that? we all WHAT?
     
279. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-02 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-02 Pub. Date: 2009-05-02
Image Number: 32001
Caption: I knew it. A Black man gets elected president an' all of a sudden a southern state talks about seceding from the union. Oh, please. It's a well-known fact that this has nothing at all to do with race. A fact? Page 189,543: "Sudden talk of secession right after the first Black president takes office is purely coincidental, and based wholly on differing views about unemployment compensation." You really need to get your own copy of "The Delusional Black Man's Guide to Interpreting the Behavior of Others."
     
280. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-04-28 brown 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-04-28 Pub. Date: 2009-04-28
Image Number: 31997
Caption: I'm here to testify in Congress's comic strip industry bailout hearing. I shall be showered with cash. Don't bother. I tried months ago. We got nothing. The industry's doing worse than ever. You just have to know how to work the sympathy angle. SNAP! The barrel's a little much. He's right. Take it off, kid. Now I'm cold.
     
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