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Candorville

Comics about before kids.

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Result page:    2  Next  (37 images)


1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-04 before kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-04 Pub. Date: 2019-09-04
Image Number: 179296
Caption: I got a left sock, a. kidney bean an' a bootleg video of … never mind. Wait … A bootleg video of what? You can't just start a sentence like that and not finish it. It's a video some brotha given' a career day speech to kids in the Monroe High auditorium. Bruh was reeeal nervous. I was not nerv -- I mean, it wasn't me. I ain't never seen nobody projectile vomit they entire lunch before.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-19 before kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-19 Pub. Date: 2019-04-19
Image Number: 177224
Caption: Do you think I'm losing it, Susan? No, Lemont. I mean sure, you're not as philosophical as you were when we were kids … and you seem a lot grumpier … and you lose things a lot more … and you tell me stories I've heard before … but it's super premature to worry that you're going senile ... Still, you might want to get checked out. I was talking about my sex appeal.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-30 before kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-30 Pub. Date: 2019-03-30
Image Number: 176944
Caption: What are you looking at? Haven't you ever seen a man ordering coffee before? Best. Dad. Ever. I'll also have a raspberry muffin. What? Reason #7 not to have kids.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-25 before kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-25 Pub. Date: 2018-08-25
Image Number: 173659
Caption: Now that the air duct … or whatever it was … had led me back to 2018 … I was moments away from finally interviewing a child in one of Mr. Trump's internment camps. I could hear him, just around the corner. I heard him crying out for mama! over and over.. I had no idea what condition he would be in. But nothing I imagined could prepare me for what I would see. His crying grew more and more hysterical. I was just meters from him. I rounded the corner. And there, right before my eyes, was ... to be continued. Told you not to have that jumbo lemonade. Telling stories makes my mouth dry.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-17 before kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-17 Pub. Date: 2018-08-17
Image Number: 173503
Caption: Assuming I were to buy that you accidentally crawled back through time to 1942 in an air duct … what happened next? I climbed back in, of course. Interviewing that child in FDR's internment camp filled me with a searing compulsion to interview one of the thousands in Trump's. I crept past exit after exit before I noticed they were marked. In tiny letter. One read Pennsylvania 1879-1918, Pratt's Indian Boarding Schools. The next one read 1619-1865 Slave Family Separation. On second thought, you know what they say about assuming things.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-21 before kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-21 Pub. Date: 2018-06-21
Image Number: 172357
Caption: Hi, momma. Yes, I know I didn't call you last week. I was in Singapore covering the North Korea summit. Yes, I know how you like to see videos of your grandbaby. But I was in Singapore, so … Yes, momma, they have the internet in Singapore. But I was a little busy covering the brutal tyrant and the president. (Sigh) No, momma, I'm pretty sure I haven't used that excuse before .... Hello?
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-18 before kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-18 Pub. Date: 2018-06-18
Image Number: 172354
Caption: What ever happened with the Canardville refugees? What? I thought you were covering that story. I was. But at the last second I had to fly to Singapore to cover the summit between the President and North Korea's leader. You know they had a private meeting before the public one? Sometimes I can't believe this is my life, Susan. I was just the shy kid from the wrong side of the tracks. Now I'm the guy hiding in potted plants reporting on the secret meeting between two powerful leaders. Wait ... what? I never in a million years thought I'd be in Singapore.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-18 before kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-18 Pub. Date: 2018-01-18
Image Number: 167358
Caption: This C-Dog. Whachoo want, fool? Clyde, it's me, Lemont. I just wanna say thanks for watching Lionel for me tonight. Just an FYI: I'm potty training him, so please don't put a diaper on him till bedtime. Also, he's refusing to use the potty, so he may jump up and run around the house in mid-poop. Why you ain't tell me all this BEFORE I agreed to watch him?! No reason. (Originally published on 2015-12-31)
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-08 before kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-08 Pub. Date: 2018-01-08
Image Number: 167089
Caption: How was your New Years? Great. This year, I was designated good guy with a gun. You know how every year, bozos all over America fire off their semi-automatic rifles into the air to ring in the new year? Well, the NRA has a hotline for that. You call it, they send out a good guy with a gun to blast all those bullets out of the sky before they can come back down on you and your kids ... You're joking, right? Of course I'm joking. Everyone knows those bullets don't come back down.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-03 before kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-03 Pub. Date: 2017-09-03
Image Number: 161589
Caption: If Democrats know what's good for them, they'll move further right. That's how they can win elections. All my conservative friends agree. And we tell that to every Democrat we see every chance we get. That's very considerate of you, to help out the opposition like that. Oh, I've always been considerate. When I was a small child, I used to let other kids copy my test answers before I changed them to the right ones. Wait ... what was that? What was what? You said you let kids copy your wrong answers before you changed them to the right answers. Did I? I don't think so. You did. It's exactly what you just said you did. If you know what's good for you, you'll just passively accept what others say without thinking too much about it. Let me guess: Your class was graded on a curve?
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-28 before kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-28 Pub. Date: 2017-03-28
Image Number: 156198
Caption: I've been wanting to see "get out" for weeks, Susan. I remember before I had a kid, I was at the movies every week. Now I don't have the time of the energy. I can't remember the last movie I saw that didn't involve a talking fish or a puppet. Reason #28,754 why I'll never have kids. On the other hand, movies won't change your diapers when you're old.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-11 before kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-11 Pub. Date: 2016-11-11
Image Number: 150716
Caption: 1982. How come you never play Dracula tag with us at school? It's exciting! You start out with one person being "it," then whoever he tags is "it" also. And whoever they tag next is also "it," and so on. Before long, you have a whole yard of dozens of bloodthirsty vampires chasing the one lone survivor. That's scary! Momma says it prepares girls for dating. Don't look at me, I almost never understand what momma says, either.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-22 before kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-22 Pub. Date: 2016-10-22
Image Number: 149909
Caption: I don't care what the evidence says, the "Central Park Five" were guilty of assaulting that woman! I said it before and I'll say it again: what were they doing there in the first place, playing checkers? Trump. Seriously, Mr. Trump? Why would black and brown kids be in a park? SERIOUSLY? EXACTLY! You see my point. Very suspicious.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-12-31 before kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-12-31 Pub. Date: 2015-12-31
Image Number: 137116
Caption: This C-Dog. Whachoo want, fool? Clyde, it's me, Lemont. I just wanna say thanks for watching Lionel for me tonight. Just an FYI: I'm potty training him, so please don't put a diaper on him till bedtime. Also, he's refusing to use the potty, so he may jump up and run around the house in mid-poop. Why you ain't tell me all this BEFORE I agreed to watch him?! No reason.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-03 before kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-03 Pub. Date: 2015-11-03
Image Number: 134722
Caption: Hello, Tara: I just want to say … I love my son more than life itself. My love will always be with him, no matter what happens. I've lived a long life. Seen many things. Gone many places. I have no regrets. By the way, I'm having a major medical procedure done tomorrow. But if my son doesn't call me before then, no big deal. I just don't want HIM to have regrets. (Hopefully I don't accidentally send this text to him, totally by mistake.) (Sigh) Better call momma. People have been known to die from tooth-cleanings. Just saying.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-24 before kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-24 Pub. Date: 2015-09-24
Image Number: 132815
Caption: You can jump five more times, or you can jump six more times before going to sleep. It's up to you. How many more times do you want to jump? Five or six? Five-oh-thix. "506" was not one of the options, son. Uh-huh, daddy. You thed it. One! … Two! … Fwee! ... Eight! ... Ten! ... Fouw! ... Eleven! ... This is going to be a long night.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-10 before kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-10 Pub. Date: 2015-07-10
Image Number: 129285
Caption: I've known you were brilliant from the moment I met you, son. I bwilliant fwumma moment you met me. You've always done everything at least a year before you're supposed to. I alwayth done evwything a peath a yeaw befowe I thpth too. Watching you develop is like watching a computer boot up much faster than it ordinarily would. You lotht me on that one.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-07 before kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-07 Pub. Date: 2014-09-07
Image Number: 115372
Caption: I taught Lionel how to call 911. WHAT?! What that little two-year-old boy ever done to you, Big L? Huh? Cops be outta control, bruh. If there a emergency an' he call 911, there a 50/50 chance the police'll help … an' a 50/50 chance they gonna knock down the door without a warrant, toss in a flashbang grenade, an' pepper spray your toddler before draggin' his dad out in the hallway half naked. What is you thinkin' Big L? He's be better off if you teach him to call Domino's. Well, they would probably get there faster.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-11-05 before kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-11-05 Pub. Date: 2012-11-05
Image Number: 89421
Caption: Remember how four years ago, Hillary Clinton had the superhuman ability to be all things to all people? Go on. Remember how I pointed out that she was "born" in 1947, the same year as aliens crashed at Roswell? Go on. Did you know Mitt Romney was also "born" in 1947? Go on. Remember when we were kids and I bet you $2 the alien invasion would happen before the zombie apocalypse? Stop.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-12-21 before kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-12-21 Pub. Date: 2011-12-21
Image Number: 74335
Caption: Are you gonna take Lionel to his mom's house for Christmas? Families should be together on Christmas. I called her. … And I don’t care if she was joking or not, she's pure evil. That's mean. Before hanging up on me, she said she only celebrates Halloween. Still, "evil"? She said they ate lawyer, with all the trimmings.
     
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