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Result page:     (15 images)


1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-29 ancestor 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-29 Pub. Date: 2019-09-29
Image Number: 179616
Caption: I'm tired of working, Randy. One of my ancestors put it best. It was the early days of the Roman Republic. Randius Taylorus Maximus was a soldier in the Roman phalanx. That bored him to death. All the clumsy formations, all the cumbersome gear, all the losing ... so he deserted and joined up with the Spartans. That's where he stopped working for a living, and got to do what he loved. He got to oil up and go into battle half-naked, with nothing but his shield, his sword and his loincloth. Years later, he adventured across the world on the back of Tito, the last living woolly mammoth. That's when he met Buddha, who took credit for Randius' motto: Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. I just meant I felt like taking a nap.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-30 ancestor 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-30 Pub. Date: 2019-08-30
Image Number: 179195
Caption: Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! The other day, my grandpa tried driving to the corner store but got lost and ended up at the beach, six states away. How do I get him to realize it's time to stop driving without hurting his feelings? Excellent question. it reminds me of the time in 1863 when grandpappy Cohen accidentally led a caravan of zoo-bound pelicans onto a field in Gettysburg. One particularly panicky pelican escaped and distracted General lee, and the rest is history. Um ... Ok ...
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-28 ancestor 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-28 Pub. Date: 2018-10-28
Image Number: 174529
Caption: I hope we never terraform Mars. House of Java Café. Grand Opening. Why not, Randy? Because, if we gave Mars oxygen and air pressure, we wouldn't need space suits. If we gave Mars trees and oceans, it wouldn't be one big desert anymore. There's just something sexy about driving a dune buggy across a desert planet with only half an inch of space helmet separating you from certain death. Also, if we give it a magnetic field, we wouldn't be bombarded by radiation. Ok ... I'll bite ... what's bad about not being bombarded by radiation? Isn't it obvious? When you look at me, little buddy, you're looking at the pinnacle of human evolution. But my line has taken us as far as possible. I come from a long line of Randies. I've traced my lineage all the way back to a romantic primate named Randy Erectus. He was the first hominid to get up off his knuckles and stand up straight, and that as just in response to a beautiful sunset. Imagine what my genes would do in response to a huge dose of radiation? You really should have your own science show.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-07 ancestor 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-07 Pub. Date: 2018-10-07
Image Number: 174190
Caption: House of Java Café. Grand Opening. I come from a long line of warriors. Women from my family have served in all 49 World Wars. There were only two. You don't think the first world war was fought in 1914, do you? Let's take for instance, the so-called Seven Years War ... The year was 1750: My great-great-great-great-great-great-grandma Sadie dared a Frenchman to build a house in the British Ohio River Valley ... yadda yadda yadda, all the world's great powers ended up fighting across five different continents. We've served similarly in every world war dating back to the epic struggle between the allied dinosaurs and the axis of invertebrates. Admit it: There've been more than just two world wars. There's no shame in admitting you were wrong. Ok. I was wrong. Loser! He's a loser! The loser admits it! Can't win.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-18 ancestor 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-18 Pub. Date: 2017-09-18
Image Number: 162848
Caption: But I can't get rid of it. Momma told me it belonged to my father, and to his father before him. I never knew either of them. Susan, the only family heirloom I have from them are my hat, my antique pocket watch and this. A microwave oven is not a "family heirloom," Lemont. Get rid of it. But Grandpa Brown warmed up his rations with it during the Korean War. It's time, Lemont.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-06 ancestor 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-06 Pub. Date: 2016-09-06
Image Number: 148215
Caption: This just in: Astronomers discover an earthlike planet orbiting the nearest star, Proxima Centauri. Click … Some are starting to question whether there's proof Donald Trump's grandfather immigrated from Germany. He could have come from anywhere. Click ... Proxima Centauri is just 4.24 light years away. In cosmic terms that's right next door. This end up.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-13 ancestor 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-13 Pub. Date: 2016-03-13
Image Number: 139909
Caption: It all started with my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandpappy, Ezekiel Goodhusband. Dr. Noodle. Ezekiel was the courtroom sketch artist at the Salem Witch Trials. He drew a particularly unflattering likeness of Hezekiah Usher II. Hezekiah was later acquitted. But as poor Ezekiel would soon learn, Hezekiah actually was a witch. Hezekiah cursed Ezekiel and all his descendants. On our thirtieth birthdays, we all turn invisible ... forced to live out our lives in obscurity ... our needs, our contributions, our dreams and our worth going totally unnoticed. There's no upside here. Either I need anti-psychotics ... or you're lying naked on my couch. See? We're supposed to be talking about me!
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-20 ancestor 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-20 Pub. Date: 2015-04-20
Image Number: 125854
Caption: Hillary Clinton's announcement video was full of average people talking about their hopes. She didn't even appear till the end. It's like she thinks doing that will make everyone forget how she's always seemed to be all about her. Or maybe you've always been wrong about her. The last time I saw rebranding on such a massive scale was when granddad stole all those cattle.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-30 ancestor 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-30 Pub. Date: 2014-11-30
Image Number: 118798
Caption: Sometimes I wish my mom and all my ancestors had decided to have kids much later in life. What? Why? A few years ago, I read that a Harvard research team discovered a way to reverse the aging process in mice. That could lead to a cure for aging - a cure for death itself - just a few decades from now. If just my last ten generations of ancestors had waited till their forties to have kids, I wouldn't have been born till the year 2080, or so. If they'd each just kept it zipped for two measly decades, it's possible I'd get to be immortal. My own ancestors have condemned me to death. How thoughtless of them. Oh no ... I already have a son ... I've perpetuated the cycle of violence.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-27 ancestor 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-27 Pub. Date: 2014-09-27
Image Number: 116766
Caption: How come you always look coordinated, even when you're wearing sweatpants? Time travelers. Oh. … Wait, what? Once our descendants invent time travel, it's only natural they'll also invent cloaking technology … … that'll allow for a flourishing "visit-your-ancestors-without-interfering-with-the-past" tourism industry. Forget I asked. I figure if my great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandson came all this way, the least I could do is look presentable.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-08-25 ancestor 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-08-25 Pub. Date: 2011-08-25
Image Number: 64819
Caption: Candorville Chronicle. I don't envy your generation, Brown. In my day, every generation could expect to do better that it's parents'. But you ... you're the first generation that'll do worse. And it's just the beginning. But look on the bright side. What bright side is that? Compared to your future kids, you're doing great!
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-09-30 ancestor 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-09-30 Pub. Date: 2009-09-30
Image Number: 39055
Caption: I have no sick days left. I'm barely making it, Susan. I can't afford to get sick. Achoof. Was that a sneeze? Allergies. Besides, you're sick more than I am. That's 'cause you're a carrier! Carriers never get sick themselves. That's how a third of Europe died, 'cause one guy let a plague carrier into his apartment! ... Probably an ancestor of yours. They had apartments back then?
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-03-07 ancestor 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-03-07 Pub. Date: 2008-03-07
Image Number: 22136
Caption: Goober Dumnutz? I'm told you're the agent who decided not to check the whole crowd for weapons at Obama's Dallas rally. Sure am! Poppa Goober would be proud. He guarded JFK, y'know. Great Grampa Goober guarded McKinley. Even Great Great Great Grampa Goober was a security guard. At some theater in D.C. Say what? So you see, my security skills are inbred. You mean "inborn"?
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-01-13 ancestor 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-01-13 Pub. Date: 2008-01-13
Image Number: 21015
Caption: Dear idiot… I am very offended by your latest "blog" where you smear Mayor Tupac, saying he's "unfit for office" just because he's been "dead" for "several years." My great granddad died ten years ago and I have many other deceased ancestors as well. I suppose all of a sudden, THEY'd be "unfit" too in your narrow-minded world. You obviously have no deceased ancestors, otherwise you wouldn't be so bigoted against the dead. I'M NEVER CHECKING MY E-MAIL AGAIN. I demand an apology on behalf of all necro-Americans.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-07-25 ancestor 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-07-25 Pub. Date: 2006-07-25
Image Number: 14284
Caption: He came here illegally! He broke our laws! He should be deported! What message does it send to people like my ancestors, who followed the rules to get here? It's wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong! Dude, all I asked was "Have you seen 'Superman' yet?"
     
Result page:     (15 images)