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The Absolute Comic Strips

gathered from over thirty leading newspaper comic strips.

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Result page:    2  Next  (23 images)


1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-13 absolute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-13 Pub. Date: 2019-09-13
Image Number: 179398
Caption: The world's going to censored Susan. I don’t think it's wrong for me to want one last shot at absolute euphoria. How about it, Susan? Just you and me. But … Lemont … What about your girlfriend? I don't think she'd mind if I saw Coming to America 2 with you.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-01 absolute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-01 Pub. Date: 2018-03-01
Image Number: 168930
Caption: I read your article about the neo Nazi movement overrunning Ukraine. Nice of you to admit Trump is innocent! You mentioned Trump sent weapons to those neo Nazis. Those neo Nazis are Russian's enemy. That's absolute proof he's not in cahoots with Russia! ... unless Putin wants an enemy on his border, to scare his people into following him blindly. Oh please, what wannabe dictator has ever done that sort of thing?
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-17 absolute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-17 Pub. Date: 2017-12-17
Image Number: 165604
Caption: Do you know why I love Star Trek, minion? We called me in at 2am to talk about this? It's because it's a lefty-liberal utopia. They've eliminated scarcity. There's all the food and shelter anyone could ever want, so there's no more need for capitalism. They flat-out say there's no such concept as money in their society. And yet we've seen them buy things. With money. Plenty of times. It's absolute proof that people never truly have to live up to the ideals they espouse, and that's always been an inspiration to me. Now get back out there and remember, the customer is always right!* Service with a smile.* Providing a quality product is its own reward.* You're a very good man.*
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-05 absolute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-05 Pub. Date: 2017-11-05
Image Number: 163961
Caption: I find it funny how you libs get all triggered every time the president implies Puerto Rican hurricane victims are lazy … or every time he praises white supremacists, or every time he "attacks" the first amendment, or every time he personally insults people. Don't you people know the president is trolling you? He's just pressing your buttons for fun and you fall for it every single time. It's as if none of you have ever debated anyone online. Online, you don't win by being right ... you win by making the other guy seem like he cares more than you do about any given topic. Caring is absolute proof of snowflaky weakness. If what the other guy cares about is common decency, you get extra points. That's the most absurd thing I've -- ... um ... whatever. Too late, snowflake.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-27 absolute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-27 Pub. Date: 2017-04-27
Image Number: 157299
Caption: Democracy is dead in Turkey, Randy. What? What are you talking about? The president there just granted himself absolute power in a fraudulent election. You ever wonder if maybe democracy isn't the norm … it's just a blip in history and it's on the way out? I'm hoping it'll soon be replaced with a robust sexyocracy. I was hoping for more of an xboxocracy.
     
6. Comic Strip Bob Thaves  King Baloo 1988-09-23 absolute 
Cartoonist(s): Bob Thaves
Comic/Cartoon: King Baloo
Viewable Date: 2017-03-21 Pub. Date: 1988-09-23
Image Number: 282
Caption: Encyclopedias. I'm an absolute monarch. I don't need to know stuff.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-18 absolute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-18 Pub. Date: 2017-01-18
Image Number: 153406
Caption: Vancouver was nervous, just like me. There we stood, two people who'd Facebooked every day for a year … who earn a living telling stories to millions … yet neither of us could string together a complete sentence. She drew me into her home in absolute silence ... Almost. I could hear out soft footsteps on her carpet. I could hear my own heart beating. I could hear my phone ring. I could hear her say "You gonna get that?" I could hear myself say "It's just a telemarketer." Dios mio.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-22 absolute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-22 Pub. Date: 2016-07-22
Image Number: 146143
Caption: Two years ago. There's a video showing Michael Brown stealing something and bullying a shopkeeper. That's absolute proof he was just a thug who needed to be put down. Two weeks ago. So what if there's video of cops seeming to shoot people unnecessarily? You can't tell anything from a video. What?
     
9. Comic Strip Bob Thaves Tom Thaves  Frank and Ernest 2015-11-08 absolute 
Cartoonist(s): Bob Thaves Tom Thaves
Comic/Cartoon: Frank and Ernest
Viewable Date: 2015-11-08 Pub. Date: 2015-11-08
Image Number: 135159
Caption: Ernie is a master brewer! He's highly skilled in every phase of the beer-making process! Business is booming at our craft beer pub! Ernie, are those ladies old enough to buy beer? I didn't ask for I.D. I didn't want to violate the no "dating" the customers policy. Ernie is an absolute genius about beer, but lacks common sense about everything else!
     
10. Comic Strip Sam Hurt  Queen of the Universe 1990-06-22 absolute 
Cartoonist(s): Sam Hurt
Comic/Cartoon: Queen of the Universe
Viewable Date: 2015-05-26 Pub. Date: 1990-06-22
Image Number: 31883
Caption: Well, this is it. Total solitude. Absolute isolation. I might as well be the only living creature on the planet.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-03-31 absolute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-03-31 Pub. Date: 2010-03-31
Image Number: 45681
Caption: Date - a - chick.com Thank you for creating an account. Please complete your profile honestly. Now add a "headline." For example, write "Great catch looking for love." Headline: "Flawed human being looking for an absolute perfection." Let us rephrase. Please lie. "Looking for love."
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-03-29 absolute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-03-29 Pub. Date: 2008-03-29
Image Number: 22467
Caption: Bad news. My-- editor won't publish your cartoons calling for better security for Abraham Lincoln. It's ok. I work for a newspaper too, 143 years from now. When we produce a society where editors and readers are afraid of discussing grave issues, we deserve the absolute hell that comes to us. Is everyone in the future this cheery? First they cancel "Journeyman," now THIS.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-01-01 absolute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-01-01 Pub. Date: 2008-01-01
Image Number: 20999
Caption: What did you get for Christmas, Lemont? Absolute proof there is no GREAT AUTHOR IN THE SKY. NBC canceled "Journeyman," one of the best TV shows I've ever seen in my whole entire life. Oh, and then there's the war and everything. Dios mio.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-10-01 absolute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-10-01 Pub. Date: 2007-10-01
Image Number: 18778
Caption: 2007. A new study shows liberals are biologically more adept at recognizing and adapting to changing facts. Absolute proof we're better than you. Studies prove nothing. 2006. A new study shows conservatives give more to charity than liberals. Absolute proof we're better than you. Studies prove nothing.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-06-08 absolute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-06-08 Pub. Date: 2007-06-08
Image Number: 17457
Caption: In the year 75066… Extinct Species Exhibit. Museum. You said an alpha male called "The Bush" led the Democratus Congressorus to extinction. Records are really incomplete. We think they let the unwise "Bush" grow incredibly powerful. In May 2007, The Bush issued orders giving himself vast powers in the event of something called "National Emergency." What is a "National Emergency"? Pretty sure it had something to do with an odd creature called a "Sanjaya."
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-06-06 absolute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-06-06 Pub. Date: 2007-06-06
Image Number: 17455
Caption: In the year 75056… Extinct Species Exhibit. Museum. Records from the 21st Century are sketchy at best… ..but some believe Democratus Congressorus was doomed from the start. Apparently it did something called "giving the president a blank check in Iraq just like the last Congress." So that's what doomed that sorry species? Either that or global warming. Not sure which came first.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-03-20 absolute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-03-24 Pub. Date: 2006-03-20
Image Number: 13285
Caption: I can't believe my wife left me, Lemont. The evil harpy took my whole entire Clay Aiken collection. That woman doesn't even appreciate Clay. What the @#$% are you doing in my apartment? Federal agent. War on terror. Absolute power to spy on Americans. Try to keep up, pal.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2005-05-29 absolute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2005-05-31 Pub. Date: 2005-05-29
Image Number: 10589
Caption: I'm Bob Roberts. Today on the Sunday morning political show, the hot topic is the republican attempt to ban the filibuster of judicial appointees. Here to represent the republican contention that democratic filibustering of 10 of Bush's 215 nominees is an unprecedented abuse of power is republican senator Bill Frist.....
     
19. Comic Strip Bob Thaves Tom Thaves  Frank and Ernest 2005-04-04 absolute 
Cartoonist(s): Bob Thaves Tom Thaves
Comic/Cartoon: Frank and Ernest
Viewable Date: 2005-04-06 Pub. Date: 2005-04-04
Image Number: 10115
Caption: Okay, but why does zero have to be a perfect circle? Because "nothing" is perfect.
     
20. Comic Strip Dave Coverly  Speed Bump 2002-06-26 absolute 
Cartoonist(s): Dave Coverly
Comic/Cartoon: Speed Bump
Viewable Date: 2003-05-30 Pub. Date: 2002-06-26
Image Number: 4190
Caption: Why do we bother arguing? You see everything in black and white, and I just see gray areas…
     
Result page:    2  Next  (23 images)