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The 000 Comic Strips

gathered from over thirty leading newspaper comic strips.

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-19 000 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-19 Pub. Date: 2019-03-19
Image Number: 176836
Caption: I'm tired of being an alt-right internet superstar. It's way too much work now that I've got 48,000 subscribers to my Youtube channel. Since when do you have 48,000 subscribers? Since my debut video detailed how indigenous people from Foreignvania faked the moon landing by using teddy bears and special effects. I developed a unique following that's part racist, part conspiracy-enthusiast, part Photoshop user, and part Care Bear fanatic. Yeah ... I'm tired just listening to that. It's getting tough to craft stories that keep them ALL entertained.
     
2. Comic Strip Mike Peters  Mother Goose and Grimm 2019-02-03 000 
Cartoonist(s): Mike Peters
Comic/Cartoon: Mother Goose and Grimm
Viewable Date: 2019-02-03 Pub. Date: 2019-02-03
Image Number: 176078
Caption: Antique Shop. Why is this axe $54,000 dollars? Abe Lincoln split rails with that axe. It looks pretty new! The head and handle had to be replaced.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-06 000 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-06 Pub. Date: 2019-01-06
Image Number: 175478
Caption: I'm thinking of buying an income property. That's 'cause I'm already paying one mortgage that I barely qualified for, so I didn't think I'd qualify for another. But YouTube videos told me I'm not supposed to get a new mortgage. I'm supposed to get a home equity line of credit, and use that heloc to pay cash for my investment property. A heloc is usually 80% of the equity a homeowner has in the home. And I have lots of equity. What's lots? 20% of what I bought it for. Wait ... didn't you buy your shack for $8,000? I can get a pretty sweet income property in Chernobyl for 80 percent of $8,000. But your heloc wouldn't be 80% of $8,000. It'd be 80% of 10% of $8,000. Yeah. I figured that out. That's why my realtor and I are scoping out underwater caves off the Siberian coast. That's why you wanted to borrow my scuba gear.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-03 000 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-03 Pub. Date: 2019-01-03
Image Number: 175659
Caption: Hey boss, it's been 2019 for three days now. I'm just wondering, when am I getting my year-end bonus? About that, minion. I've discovered that your year-end bonuses are taxable. Ipso facto, the year-end bonus actually costs you money. That's why instead of giving you $1,000, I'll be taking $1,000 from your paycheck. That way you'll owe less taxes. You're welcome. Very. Bad. Man.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-01 000 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-01 Pub. Date: 2019-01-01
Image Number: 175657
Caption: I read your article about how 13,000 or so years ago, an apocalyptic catastrophe cause an ice age that lasted 1,000 years. The Younger Dryas cold period. And 1,000 years later, that ice age suddenly ended, maybe in a single day, causing a global flood. It would explain the sudden disappearance of a lot of megalithic civilizations ... the end of Atlantis ... all the ancient flood myths ... we may have come close to extinction. I'm just saying, there've been worse years. 2018 wasn't that bad, Lemon.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-11-11 000 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-11-11 Pub. Date: 2018-11-11
Image Number: 174745
Caption: It's on. My new favorite game show! Welcome to: Garbage, recycling or compost?! Dana from New York you can walk away with $10,000 or try to double the green! Double, please. Okay, Dana, here's your object: A takeout container from a local restaurant. Garbage, recycling or compost? Geez. I'm guessing it would depend on whether it's got some cardboard or it's fully biodegradable. Final answer? Recycling. Wrong. Garbage! I knew it. Ridicule her! You've lost your green, loser! I'm sorry. I try so hard to be good.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-02 000 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-02 Pub. Date: 2018-09-02
Image Number: 173653
Caption: I read your latest article about the Fermi Paradox. It's the likeliest explanation … We've only been transmitting radio signals for about 100 years, Susan. And since radio waves travel at the speed of light, our radio bubble's only about 200 light years across. Our radio waves have only reaches 15,000 or so stars out of 400 billion. It'll be tends of thousands of years before most of the galaxy ever sees I Love Lucy. There could be 399,999,985,000 stars out there with civilizations broadcasting I Love Splorg or something, and we won't even notice it until the year 201818 ... and if most aliens skipped radio and went straight to internet, we may never, ever know they exist. Is that why your headline was We'll Never See a Splorg Get Trolled on Facesplorg?
     
8. Comic Strip John Deering  Strange Brew 2007-11-10 000 
Cartoonist(s): John Deering
Comic/Cartoon: Strange Brew
Viewable Date: 2018-07-17 Pub. Date: 2007-11-10
Image Number: 20547
Caption: …And after a $720,000,000.00 investment, now I can sell power back to the utility companies.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-20 000 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-20 Pub. Date: 2018-06-20
Image Number: 172356
Caption: No, thanks. I like to let my reporting speak for itself. I'd rather not come on your show. I wrote 4,000 words about how Kim Jong Un tricked the president into offering him everything he wanted in exchange for nothing. That should be enough. There's no reason for me to appear on CNN just to basically repeat it all ... No, I am not afraid of public speaking. Y'know ... grown people aren't supposed to make chicken noises.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-15 000 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-15 Pub. Date: 2018-06-15
Image Number: 172216
Caption: I got a tip about a huge geological calamity that's about to happen across the bridge. This story could make my site famous. Could you watch my boy while I go cover it? 'Course, bruh. For $4,000. Cool … what? I been reading Trump's Art of the Deal. It say if a brotha want something bad enough, charge him fifty times your usual fee. Are you sure that's in there? I demand to know what page. Ok. How much that information worth to you?
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-06-15 000 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-06-15 Pub. Date: 2018-06-15
Image Number: 172244
Caption: I got a tip about a huge geological calamity that's about to happen across the bridge. This story could make my site famous. Could you watch my boy while I go cover it? 'Course, bruh. For $4,000. Cool … what? I been reading Trump's Art of the Deal. It say if a brotha want something bad enough, charge him fifty times your usual fee. Are you sure that's in there? I demand to know what page. Ok. How much that information worth to you?
     
12. Comic Strip Signe Wilkinson  Family Tree 2010-11-30 000 
Cartoonist(s): Signe Wilkinson
Comic/Cartoon: Family Tree
Viewable Date: 2018-05-28 Pub. Date: 2010-11-30
Image Number: 54674
Caption: Test preps, PSATs, SATs, AP courses, community service, 3 sports, 2 clubs and chorus … School. Just so I can get into college and graduate with $100,000 debt. Great. Then you can secure a barista job at Starbucks.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-26 000 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-26 Pub. Date: 2018-05-26
Image Number: 171811
Caption: You short-changed me when I paid for my drink last week. Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. You gave me change for $10, but I know I gave you more than a ten-dollar bill. Sorry about that. How much did you give me? I distinctly remember I had nothing but $1,000 bills in my wallet. Not falling for it.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-18 000 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-18 Pub. Date: 2018-05-18
Image Number: 171511
Caption: I can't believe you're going to sue me, Rudy. What kind of person sues his own friend? I'm not. I dropped the lawsuit, Armstrong. I re-checked the programming in the cryptocurrency I created, and it has a flaw I'd overlooked. I forgot to put a dash on command line 457,000 so as soon as 457,000 people traded the currency, the entire currency collapsed. Sorry I accused you of hacking my computer and stealing all my money, boss. So you're saying you're sorry you willfully and maliciously slandered me? Wait ... are you recording me on that computer?
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-17 000 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-17 Pub. Date: 2018-05-17
Image Number: 171504
Caption: You really should've invested in Rudycoin, Clyde. My $100 investment shot up to $10,000 overnight. Did you cash that @#$% in, bruh, or let it ride? I think I cashed it in. Whachoomean you think? I saw my balance was $10k/100k Rudybits, and under it there were two buttons. I chose the one that said Rudycash, which seemed more likely to cash in my earnings than the button that said HODL Rudypower. Stop it. I don't know what any of that mean, other than you gonna lose your whole life savings. Stop hodling on to the 20th century.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-16 000 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-16 Pub. Date: 2018-05-16
Image Number: 171509
Caption: You'll never guess what happened, Randy. What's that? The cryptocurrency I created exploded last night. People are mining and trading like crazy. There are only 100 million Rudycoing in existence, and once they're gone, they're gone. Guess what I did? I bought you 1,000 of them before the public caught wind of it. Now you 1,000 coins are worth $15,000 each. I have not idea what any of that means, but it sounds like you're single-handedly destroying the whole world's economy. Once Rudycoins are all taken, I'm going to start Flippercoin. It's names after my goldfish.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-08 000 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-08 Pub. Date: 2018-05-08
Image Number: 171290
Caption: Y'know ... if there were a human civilization 13,000 years ago that was more advanced than we are now, it would explain everything. How so, Lemont? Sorry, no time to tell you right now. It'd take more time than we have. Well, just summarize it. Can't do that. I'll be just getting to the amazing part, and you'll check your watch and say Sorry, gotta go. In the time it took you to say all that, you could've told me. Do we have time to set up a time when we'll have time?
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-08 000 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-08 Pub. Date: 2018-05-08
Image Number: 171296
Caption: I'm not convinced that the pyramids of Giza were built as tombs. Sure they were used as tombs, but for all we know, they were built far earlier by some other civilization, and the pharaohs just claimed credit for them. How do we know the pyramids weren't something far more high-tech, like for instance hydroelectric power generators for an advanced civilization? You tell me, how did you charge your cellphone back in 10,000 B.C.? Hydropower from the tears of dorks, here, let me show you ...
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-11 000 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-11 Pub. Date: 2018-04-11
Image Number: 170358
Caption: Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie: My name is Morgan Peterson and I work with the finance house here in the Netherlands. Our late client, Mr. Williams, bequeathed his entire $650,000,000 estate to you. He was a big fan of your show. Anyway, so that the funds can be transferred to you, all I need is your bank account number and password, your social security number, name, address, phone number, birthdate, and the times when you are away from home. There is no risk to you. Sincerely, Morgan Peterson. I will hunt you and your family to the ends of the earth and squeeze you all to death with my bare armpit. I mean ... thank you for writing. Ask Sadie at asksadie@rudypark.com.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-09 000 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-09 Pub. Date: 2018-04-09
Image Number: 170356
Caption: Where would you spend your honeymoon? Skyrim, no contest. First, my lady and I would climb the 1,000 snow-covered steps to the summit of the mountain overlooking High Hrothgar … where we'd witness the distant castle glowing silver and blue in the light of the sunrise ... as several planets hover in the morning sky. Please tell me you're not talking about some place in a video game. I'd have chosen the rolling fields of Mulgore, but that's got too many bloodthirsty orcs.
     
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